Please respond - uneducated man

[RandomGuy101]

Alright... i am a young man and this is the first time I have had an encounter with any STDs. Please don't treat me as an ignorant uneducated jerk because I don't know what to do now and am just looking for advice.

I am a college student. I go back home for the weekend and I meet this girl at a party. We only made out a little but she tells me to call her next time I am in town. I call her the next time I am home and we spend the weekend together. She performed oral sex on me once then I had intercourse with her the next day (sex with a condom, oral without).

She mentions how she should come and visit me at school. I agree... she shows up and we have sex again (with a condom). We go out drinking and come back and start fooling around. Again she begins performing oral sex on me (no condom), seeing how she has done it to me twice and I have yet to do the same, I return offer to return the favor, and she accepts the offer. I begin trying to go downtown on her, but she grabs my head weird. I get one or two licks in (forgive me if this sounds juvenile, it was ten minuets ago and I am worried). She tells me to stop and informs me that she has vaginal herpes (for about five years). I start yelling at her and throw her out and tell her to go home (not a very nice thing but she basically lied and I was upset). I tried talking to her but she was upset and left anyway.

Anyway... I am young and confused. Do I have herpes? Should I get tested? How long to I wait to get tested? Will I get oral herpes even though she doesn't have them but I went down on her? Are condoms safe enough to prevent them? Should I talk to this girl ever again?

Again I am young and may sound immature to many of you but please respond. I don't know what to do and would prefer to maintain my anonymity.

[exotica]

I understand your frustration. She should have told you she had H before it became hot and heavy. Unfortunately, that is the risk you take when being intimate with someone, especially someone you don't know. Read the first article on dating and relating and it should give you some basic info. There is a possibility you can catch H through oral, especially if she has an outbreak. Condoms are a good way to protect yourself, but it is not 100%. There is only 1-2 weeks somebody is contagious. Unfortunately we are not certain when those days are. There is asymptomatic shedding when someone is contagious without signs. It is better to abstain from any sexual contact before and during an outbreak. You can only catch it if there is direct contact between 2 mucous membranes or open sores. You could be ok, but you might want to get tested anyway. Ask specifically for HSV testing. You are not wrong to be angry, but it would be nice if you could be sensitive. It's your call whether or not you want to keep in touch with this person.

[RandomGuy101]

diet?

I appreciate the advice. I am not one to have sex with random strangers and am usually pretty careful. I met this girl through friends who had known he since high school and had been talking to her for a few weeks prior to any contact. That is why this is very upsetting to me.

This may sound stupid but should I get any antiviral medication or modify my diet over the next few days to reduce my chances of getting the virus? or is it just too late after you have been exposed? Again, this may sound dumb but I know little about it, I just really would prefer to not have herpes.

[exotica]

National Herpes Hotline

I am not accusing you of promiscuity. Sometimes we think we know somebody and it ends up we really don't. It is always good to have a good diet and rest, it will build up your immunity. It will not get rid of the virus. I believe antivirals are only good to suppress outbreaks to an infected person. If you have any questions, call your doctor or National Herpes Hotline. They can answer your questions. The hotline is ussually busy. Just keep on calling or hold for the next representative. Have your questions ready. They are available on weekdays 9AM-5PM. Good luck.

National Herpes Hotline

(919) 361-8488

[Ned]

i'm in the same boat

i can relate. i'm also waiting to see. the individual i had sex with said she had been taking valtrex. we had sex close to 6 times then she laid it on me. i also threw her out. before we actually had sex we had a talk about STD's and such. she had plenty of opportunity to come out but didn't. i need to go in and have a test done. hopefully she wasn't lying about taking valtrex but even if she was telling the truth there is a possiblity she transmitted to me. from what i understand even if she was shedding there is a 25% chance I didn't contract it. i am old enough to know better but i wasn't thinking with my right mind having sex with her. this has changed me regaurdless how it turns out...

[RandomGuy101]

Agreed

this has changed me regaurdless how it turns out...

Can't agreed more. I can't believe this really. She said it so casually too and then acted like I was getting bent out of shape out of nothing.

[Ned]

the mind...

is your mind playing tricks on you? I've looked at the pictures of herpes and nothing has came up on me like that but it's like i get weak sometimes and imagine symptoms. my penis will start feeling funny. then i go to check it and nothing is there. i'll be glad to get some real test results and move on with my life. this sux!

[RandomGuy101]

Yes!!!

This all just happened yesterday afternoon. Every tingle, every itch on my groin - I can't sit still until I go look at it. Is that a dark spot on penis? Was that always there? Is that a bump? Whats that itch?

I woke up with chapped lips this morning (I was walking around in the cold for St. Patrick's day prior to this all going down) so now I can't stop wondering about that. I get canker sores sometimes (usually with stress which I have right now from midterms). Now I can't stop freaking out and going to the mirror to see if they look different than they have in the past.

I'm know I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about this for the next month too....

[exotica]

Both of you guys have the right to be angry. You must be furious for being deceived. For both of your sake, I hope that the test comes out negative. It is more difficult for a guy to contract H. Protection, no open cuts, and antivirals will make you less susceptable to contracting H. The anticipation is a killer. Quick question. Would you guys have responded differently if your partners were honest from the beginning?

[RandomGuy101]

Would you guys have responded differently if your partners were honest from the beginning?

It's hard to say. If she would have told me prior to intercourse I would not have thrown her out. She told me while we were fooling around, and again I a good bit to drink as it was St. Patrick's day. Telling an intoxicated person that you have genital herpes as they are performing oral sex on you is not a good time to discuss the situation.

Actually as I said earlier I went home for the weekend (two weeks ago) and we had sex. We spent Friday and Saturday together so she could have told me then and I probably would have still hung out with her on Sunday (I don't know about sex though).

Truth be told I don't know what I would have done if she told me prior to contact. All I know is she didn't do that and that is why I will probably not be seeing her in the future.

[RandomGuy101]

Also she did tell me that she had a boyfriend that she broke up with about 8 months ago. Who had unprotected sex with her for 2+ years and he never contracted it. It made me feel better as I am sure she knew what she was doing in preventing me from getting it. I still feel angry as I was lied to though.

[exotica]

I respect your decision. Nobody deserves to be lied to. I think it is an issue of integrity not a topic of having H. She is informed about the virus and she should not be risking other people unless the other person is considering a committed relationship. She sounds like a selfish person. I'm not the one to judge. If she has been having unprotected sex with a guy for 2 years and he hasn't contracted it, hopefully she is careful, doesn't shed often and built up a lot of immunity. Your chances are low, but possible. One time is all it takes. I hope that you test negative. Try to relax and take vitamins. Stress lowers our immune system and triggers outbreaks. Alcohol consumption is also a factor to be considered. We need to take responsibility for our actions and make better choices. I caught H by making a bad judgement when I was drunk one night and felt safe with someone I had been seeing. He also lied. I was very angry and I couldn't concentate on my school. In the end, I felt more guilty about neglecting my education. Lesson learned.

[Ned]

yes

i knew about std's and i knew about herpes. if she would have said something i would have researched it and found even if she took her valtrex it is not safe. i would have got away from her then.

[Ned]

I respect your decision. Nobody deserves to be lied to. I think it is an issue of integrity not a topic of having H. She is informed about the virus and she should not be risking other people unless the other person is considering a committed relationship. She sounds like a selfish person. I'm not the one to judge. If she has been having unprotected sex with a guy for 2 years and he hasn't contracted it, hopefully she is careful, doesn't shed often and built up a lot of immunity. Your chances are low, but possible. One time is all it takes. I hope that you test negative. Try to relax and take vitamins. Stress lowers our immune system and triggers outbreaks. Alcohol consumption is also a factor to be considered. We need to take responsibility for our actions and make better choices. I caught H by making a bad judgement when I was drunk one night and felt safe with someone I had been seeing. He also lied. I was very angry and I couldn't concentate on my school. In the end, I felt more guilty about neglecting my education. Lesson learned.

Did you start to outbreak right away? It's been a week since i've had sex with her. When you had a outbreak did it start gradually or what? would it start on your penis or testicles?

[BoxofRain]

hey randomguy, Before you never talk to her again it is very important to find out which type she has: 1 or 2. It is most likely type 2, but both types can be in the genital OR mouth region, which most people don't understand. The test you get should be a herpes type specific blood test. The reason it is important to know what type she has is because if she has genital herpes type 2 and you test positive for type 1, then she DIDN'T give it to you. If she has type 2 and you test positive for type 2 then there is reason to believe she gave it to you. Or vice versa.. say she has type 1 and you test positive for type 2, then she DIDN'T give it to you. Only the specific type can be transmitted from one person to another.... type 1 > gives another person type 1

type 2> gives another person type 2.

It is possible though, if you have never ever had a type specific HSV blood test, that you yourself could have already been carrying the virus and never known.....a large percentage of people carrying it have no idea because they and their partners have never exhibited symptoms so it is really hard to know how and where people get it if they have never had anything to clue them in that its a possibility. If nothing else, then now you know this info. for the future in case this is just a false alarm. Also, please note that when people say they have been tested for "ALL" stds that they haven't been tested for herpes ever. It is not included in the test for "ALL" stds and needs to be requested separately as a herpes specific blood test. Its crazy huh? thats why so many people think they are "free" from all stds when given a negative test result back, but they were never tested for herpes....so messed up. They test for the curable things only! Important to know....especially in college....lot of people say they're "clean/free" from all std's and think they really are but have no clue they could actually be carrying the herpes virus and never know because no symptoms or signs.

Also, sometimes it can take a while for antibodies to show up in the blood after it is transmitted so to be safe get another test in 2 months (via herpes blood specific test) just to be sure the antibodies havent developed by then.....at that point Id say if it is negative you are totally in the clear. Good luck.

[RandomGuy101]

OK... I texted her twice and called her about four times before she actually picked up, she said she knew I had contacted her but didn't call/text me back (some girl I got here...).

She has type two vaginally. Can anyone tell me what that means?

Also I am still confused with oral herpes. I keep reading half of all adults have oral herpes, and they are commonly referred to as "cold sores." Sometimes when I was little, my mom/grandma would say "Don't kiss me on the lips, I have a cold sore." They would kiss me on the cheek instead. Does that mean my mom/grandma has herpes?

[Ned]

Test

I was looking on the net. www.requestatest.com they have a test called HSV 1&2 IgM that detects the virus from 5 days-5 weeks after that you have to test 12 weeks for antibodies to be detected. The suspense is killing me, i'm going in tommorrow. Thx for all the help...

[tohealth]

Do I have herpes? .

Probably not. It's possible to contract HSV while wearing a condom but it is not statistically "likely" because of what the conditions need to be. To ease your mind, maybe have a blood test sometime in September.

Will I get oral herpes even though she doesn't have them but I went down on her? .

Nope. Theoretically you could, but I am so confident that you did not given your description of a "few licks" and the fact that the type she has does not live well in the mouth. Your chance of having oral HSV2 is probably less than that of the average guy out there who has performed oral sex willy nilly on the average girl who herself didn't even know she had HSV2. Quite tiny.

Are condoms safe enough to prevent them? Should I talk to this girl ever again?.

Female condoms are the best IMO in STD protection. She was irresponsible in at least 2 ways (I think you were irresponsible too). Because she knows she has HSV she has a duty to inform sex partners before being intimate or abstaining altogether. Moreover, she has a duty to not allow herself to "get drunk" or get in a position where she can't exercise judgment and "slip". So she has 2 layers of responsibility to her sex partners (above what any person has anyway). Not talking to her IMO should be related to the lack of responsibility and dishonesty and not the HSV. Also, you might in general be cautious about a female who appears so willing to perform oral sex on someone (presumably that she isn't exactly in a committed deep relationship with) without protection. This is not the behavior of somebody who is informed or who highly values their body or takes their personal health very seriously to start with---hell you could have had HIV for all she knew. So they likely aren't taking yours too seriously either.

[BoxofRain]

randomguy, yes your mom/grandma or whoever has type 1 oral herpes if they got recurrent coldsores and warned you not to kiss them when they had them........this was to prevent it spreading to you....which commonly happens when children are kissed by relatives/family members who have type 1 oral herpes. It is such a thing in our society to not associate that "recurrent cold sores" with herpes.....it is a common disassociation to say "oh this, this is just a coldsore, its not contagious" wrong! recurrent coldsores are caused by the herpes virus, most commonly type 1 and they are very contagious. If someone has a cold sore not only can they transmit it to someone elses mouth, but they can also transmit the virus to someone elses genitals, then giving that person genital herpes type 1. So, it is safe to say if your mom/grandma, whoever had the recurrent coldsores, if they went and had a herpes type specific blood test, they would test positive for herpes type 1. Interesting huh? so many people just dont admit or choose to think their recurrent coldsores are actually herpes type 1 but they are! And all the more reason to be educated about it because if someone gets recurrent coldsores they can give you genital herpes type1 if they perform oral sex on you, or give you oral herpes from kissing you. It is more likely to transmit when the presence of a coldsore is visible but some of the time people with oral herpes, shed the virus without symptoms, though it is only a small percentage of the time, it still occurs, just like the asymptomatic shedding that occurs when people who have either type genitally. It is the misinformation,and lack of education regarding herpes that keeps it spreading and also keeps the horrible stigma attached to the disease, when in reality it is very common and affects people of all classes, all races, all types of people sexually active, not just promiscuous people..that is just an unfair association the virus has. Youll see if you read even 10 posts on this site of the type of people it affects. Some have only had 1 sex partner in their lives, some are 17 years old and have never had vaginal sex, only oral and have gotten it, some have had 3 partners and always used condoms and still get it. Its so easy to spread because over half the people who have it never have symptoms and truly dont know they could even have it. Also, how I mentioned in my above post about the std testing for EVERYTHING does not test for herpes. So, just be aware....its so much easier to get than people understand. Her having type 2 genital means you need to test positive for herpes type 2, via type specific blood test, to have gotten it from her. If you test positive for type 1, she did NOT give it to you. You already had type 1 in your system and didnt ever know.

[fallenone]

BoxofRain is right... there is a high possibility if you test pos. for Type 1 you got it from your family. And both Type 1 and 2 can be transmited by the mouth...make no mistake about that.

There is also a possibility of both being dormant in your system all this time and you never knew. I am assuming that you're a very healthy person and you dont really get sick, no cold sores nothing like that. Sometimes symptoms can show up in as little as 5 days or take long years. Your GMom/Mom only admitted to the cold sores not like they were gonna come out and tell you that they might have vaginal blisters.

Over the next week..you're gonna come into a lot of information and its gonna bake your mind over repeatedly. And that is the honest truth. Dont stress too much. Begin preparing your mind from now for whatever the outcome could be.

Call the Hotline, talk to your doctor, chat on the forum. Even while you wait on the results and they do turn out negative. Get knowledge. So that you know what is out there and you dont get into a stiutation like this again. HSV TYPE 1 and TYPE 2 and HPV you will look as healthy as a horse. Remember people can be carriers and show no symps.

What she did was selfish yes. But she is human and has human needs;) (She gave into her darkside) and she still tried to protect you even in her moment of weakness as little satisfying as that might seem right now considering. But give it sometime about 2 weeks then get tested.

I really hope that you have better luck than we did.

If you were never a praying man. Call on Saint Patty now.

[Ned]

fallenone...

going on 10 days but the wait really sux. if i clear this i'm not having sex till i'm sure of my partner. i agree with you, i don't blame her as much as i would like to. i've been talking to her and trying to be friends with her still. i'm reading all this info. people in africa and third world countries. i suppose things could be worse even if it comes out for the worse for me. although if it comes out for the best i just want one mate... thx for the help...

[fallenone]

Hang in there man...

Funny..... Our eyes really become opened when faced with dire situtations...what we do after will define us.

Now I wished i had only one girl too...but you have to hope that she also, only has you.. Whoever I got this from no longer matters to me. A couple of them i am still friends with. One who I found out she slept around..we stopped talking before I found out.

We realise now, how important love and commitment is. I am sorry about some of the choices I made in life. I can only say that now because I have the opportunity to look back, and with the knowledge I have now I can tell myself I would have done this differently.

but

remember the Serentiy Prayer

and this statement

"regret nothing, embrace everything... and your life will never feel like its been wasted"

I enjoyed my life...I am sorry for somethings but regret nothing.