What to do? I'm freaking out.

[Bewildered1]

I'm a 40 year old male, and in general good health. I've never had any symptoms whatsoever to cause me to suspect that I might have herpes, or any other STD. I've never had cold sores or fever blisters on my lips, or in my mouth, yet alone had any of the genital sypmtoms such as lesions, ulcers, painful swellings, or sores...none whatsoever! NOTHING out of the ordinary that would even cause me to see a doctor.

A month of so ago I had a one time sexual encounter (unprotected) with the sister of a friend of mine's g/f. Over this weekend, I found out that she's apparently been diagnosed as having herpes, and she thinks I gave it to her because she claims I'm the only guy she's been with in over a year! Like I said, I've never had any reason to even suspect that I have herpes, so I'm bewildered to say the least.

Now I'm freaking out because I have been on the internet all day researching herpes and have learned that many, many people have the virus, but never experience any "outbreaks", and most don't even suspect that they are infected. I read about "asymptomatic herpes" where you have it, but have no way of knowing you have it. I've read about the blood tests, but I've also read that the only way you can be truly diagnosed with it is if you have an outbreak and they sample tissue from the sores or lesions? Like I said, I've never had any "outbreaks" of anything.

Prior to this last sexual experience, I had been with a woman for 16 months, always unprotected, and she never developed anything sexually transmitted. In fact, she was screened twice by her OBGYN when she had a couple of yeast infections which proved to be just that - yeast infections, and we had regular sex 3-4x per week the entire time we dated. Before her, I was in a 5 month relationship and the same was true - NOTHING to ever cause me to suspect I might be carrying herpes.

I'm really anxious and scared about this! Should I get a blood test, even if I don't have any reason to suspect I have it other than this girls story? If so, where do I go? I have no clue where to even look to get a blood test done. I read about the "asymptomatic" variety of herpes and it's really got me freaked out!

Help!

[BoxofRain]

Yes, immediately get a herpes type specific blood test....if you have been carrying the virus without knowing then you will have been carrying it long enough for antibodies to show up on the blood test now. There is some chance you have been carrying it without knowing, but there is also a huge chance SHE has been carrying it and never knew it. It doesnt matter that she hasnt been with anyone for over a year.....the virus can lie dormant for weeks, months, years......and NEVER show symptoms or cause people to think they have the virus( even through multiple partners over course of months and years). Its one of those messed up reasons sooo many people get it and transmit it without knowing how or where it came from. She needs to get a type specific blood test as well and determine which type she has. There are two types of antibodies that are recognized...there are "first responder" type antibodies that are produced in response to an initial exposure, but the long term antibodies will not show up in a blood test until a few weeks after initial exposure( most people say 4-6 weeks to be sure) You could go and have a type specific blood test asap and if the results are negative then go back in a month and get retested the same way and if then it is positive, then you know you RECENTLY have been infected, which would mean from her, unless youve been sleeping with other people in the past few weeks. That is the only way you will know if you indeed had it or not before her. If you dont test positive after a month then its safe to say you do not have the virus. She needs to get her facts straight and understand that herpes isnt just something that always occurs right away after sex with someone.....sex can make it surface or activate but even then not always. More times than not, a person is carrying it for a while, never knows, either randomly gets symptoms that cause for a blood test or culture to know whats going on, or never has any symptoms and randomly gets a herpes blood test and finds out they have been carrying it and never knew. It is common to think automatically that the last person you were with gave it to you but that is absolutely just NOT TRUE in millions of cases. So, dont sweat it....she could have just the same been carrying it and given it to you, or vice versa ya know...or had it and hopefully not transmitted it to you. Also, if she tries to say shes been tested in the past and was "negative" for ALL stds.......you might want to let her know that when people get tested for "ALL STDS" that they are NOT tested for herpes, unless you specifically ask to be tested for herpes via blood. She will have to look over her records to see if in fact she was tested via blood for herpes, and if she looks over her records and hasnt been then her being "negative" for ALL STDs only meant negative for all other STDS......but not herpes. Just something most people are totally unaware of so they are given this false sense of security thinking they are free of everything but in reality have no idea they could be carrying the virus, especially if they or any of their partners have never had any reason to suspect so and no symptoms or signs. Hope this helps you understand it better. Until you both get herpes type specific blood tests dont sweat it. Just inform her of the facts. Good luck to you.

[Bewildered1]

BoxOfRain,

Thanks so much for the post. I really appreciate your input. I feel a little better, but I'm still apprehensive. I don't know where to go to get a type specific blood test. All I know is that I've never had any symptoms, and as far as I know, prior partners of mine (ex g/fs) never have either. No, I haven't slept with anyone in the past month, and before her, it had been about 4 months, and that was the prior 16 month one I was talking about.

I'm just dreading the thought that I have some non-symptomatic virus that is capable of hurting people without my knowledge. I'm dreading the thought that there's no way to truly know. You would think that if I were a carrier, I would have known about it from former partners who might have been infected.

Where do I go to get the blood test? I dont' have a GP or family doctor. I'm rarely sick and rely on local "first care" type of places when I get a cold or something like that. Suggestions? Urologist maybe?

[hopingseeking]

BoxOfRain,

Thanks so much for the post. I really appreciate your input. I feel a little better, but I'm still apprehensive. I don't know where to go to get a type specific blood test. All I know is that I've never had any symptoms, and as far as I know, prior partners of mine (ex g/fs) never have either. No, I haven't slept with anyone in the past month, and before her, it had been about 4 months, and that was the prior 16 month one I was talking about.

I'm just dreading the thought that I have some non-symptomatic virus that is capable of hurting people without my knowledge. I'm dreading the thought that there's no way to truly know. You would think that if I were a carrier, I would have known about it from former partners who might have been infected.

Where do I go to get the blood test? I dont' have a GP or family doctor. I'm rarely sick and rely on local "first care" type of places when I get a cold or something like that. Suggestions? Urologist maybe?

Hey bewildered,

There is a chance you gave it to her, but don't stress out too much yet. Yes, Boxofrain is right, get a blood test first. As to where to get it, go to a free STD clinic (just search google and your city). When you go to visit them, they will probably give you a screen for STDs, but you need to ASK (nicely of course, it is free) them to do a blood type-specific test for herpes too. Alternatively, you can go to a Planned Parenthood, where they administer the test for one of the better prices I've seen. Good luck.

[Bewildered1]

Maybe I'm freaking out for nothing, the more I think about it. I'm still freaked out about it, but over the past week, with all the research I have done on H (I knew hardly anything before); I realize that there is a good chance that I don't have it. Besides, all I am going on is someone telling me that someone else has it...and I don't know any of the details of the other person concerned. No clue what kind of doctor she sees, unsure of what tests she had, and totally aware that she could be misdiagnosed, or not even have it at all. I've read about the asymptomatic transmission (I've never had any signs/symptoms of anything) and that is what really freaked me out. It's hard to accept that you might have something in your body that you are totally unaware of having. I plan on getting a blood test done, and I've been looking into places here locally to get it. But still, a blood test just shows if you have been exposed to it or not, at some point in your life. In the meantime, I'm not planning on sleeping with anyone anytime soon. I've told one person about that this. A close friend who is a nurse. I told her expecting her to kind of freak out, but I was surprised when she said, "do you know how many of my friends have H?....several". I know even if I'm positive, that it's not the end of the world, and that there are plenty of people in the same situation. I've been doing alot of praying too, praying that I don't have it, and that the girl in question doesn't have it either. I'm optimistic that I will prove to be negative based on the fact I haven't had any symptoms or outbreaks - ever.

So I guess I'm feeling a little better about things after a few days have passed now. I'm still apprehensive, but I'm tremendously more educated than at the start of the week.

[hopingseeking]

It's true a blood test shows if you've been exposed to herpes during your life, but the thing to remember is that if it shows you've been exposed, then that means you have it.

The blood test tests for antibodies in your blood to herpes, and the only way antibodies to herpes are made is if you have the virus in your body.

Anyway, that was just a point of clarification, want to make sure there's no misinformation going on here. Hope your results turn out well.

[Ila]

Hi Bewildered 1

I feel as bewildered as you. I've been in the same r/ship for 7.5 years, my partner had sex with another woman approx 8 months ago.

I've never had any sign of genital herpes, had my first outbreak 4 weeks ago, I was really ill, felt like I wanted to throw up, fatigued, feverish, felt faint, went straight to my GP as soon as I noticed the blister, I was positive for type 2 after the blood test to detect anti-bodies. The GP could not tell me when I became infected.

He presents no symptoms whatsoever. He's going to have the blood test to see whether he's positive and passed it to me, if he shows negative, then I guess I've had it in my system for 7.5 years plus??

I do get a cold sore from time to time on my mouth, they usually come up if I get stressed, and I know the feeling well, but this was a huge surprise. I've been unwell for the past few weeks, and I feel like I'm coming down with another outbreak, which is stressful so it's a vicious circle.

I'm taking prescribed medication and herbal tablets to boost my immune system, which is generally low, and herbal tablets to keep me relaxed!

This site is fantastic, it's a great support network, I never realised how many people had genital herpes? I guess the statistics are similar for Australia.

You really should get the blood test, and find out where you're at, otherwise all the wondering will drive you crazy.

Bewildered Ila - Aus

[solvingtheproblem]

I completely understand your "freaked out" feelings! I went in for an annual checkup, and requested a full STD screen. The nurse practitioner asked, "do you want to be screened for herpes, as well?" My heart felt like it stopped. I said something like, "umm...isn't that included in a full STD screen?!?" When she told me no, it had to be specifically requested, you could have knocked me over with a stick. And I distinctly remember thinking, "I could choose to say 'no'. I've only had sex with two people in my entire life -- what are the chances?" I remember having some of the same exact "I seriously doubt I have it" thoughts you mentioned.

But I decided to put on my big-girl pants and have the test done anyway. I felt like it was my responsibility, as a sexually active adult, to know as much as I reasonably could about my sexual health status. While tempting, I just couldn't ultimately feel comfortable with "knowledgeable ignorance", if you get my meaning. Not if it meant that I could possibly give something to a future partner that I was too chicken-sh*t to get tested for. And believe me -- when they called and told me that the first test only showed I had HSV, not what type and would I mind coming in again for ANOTHER test -- I'll admit that I was tempted to assume it could be attributed to the cold sore I had as a kid, and move on. But I gave myself a "(wo)man-up and just go do it" talk, went in and got the additional test.

And guess what: I tested positive for HSV2. And I have had no "typical" OB symptoms. I have to live with the knowledge that it could have come from one of the two men I've had sex with, or from one of the three other men that I've been "sufficiently naked" enough with to contract HSV (it can be spread via "outercourse", or skin-to-skin contact in the genital area). I have my suspicions, but scientifically I cannot be sure.

Sorry for the long story, but my point is this: anybody who has been good and naked with ONE person has been exposed enough to have contracted HSV. If you plan to be with another person at any point in the future, you need to be tested. You can go get inexpensive, quick and anonymous testing here or here. I recommend you specifically ask for a HerpeSelect Immunoblot test, which will test for HSV1 and 2. Other reputable blood tests are mentioned here.

[gotitsowhat]

Doctor-speak

It's true a blood test shows if you've been exposed to herpes during your life, but the thing to remember is that if it shows you've been exposed, then that means you have it.

The blood test tests for antibodies in your blood to herpes, and the only way antibodies to herpes are made is if you have the virus in your body.

Anyway, that was just a point of clarification, want to make sure there's no misinformation going on here. Hope your results turn out well.

I have come to the conclusion that doctors have a special vocabulary for herpes. When you go to a doctor and say you think you have herpes they say....

For an outbreak, "Looks like it's a skin irritation." (Herpes IS a "skin irritation" so they are telling you the truth without upsetting you).

For a blood test that turns up positive for herpes: "The test shows that at some point, you were exposed to herpes," which means, in real life normal talk, "Congratulations, you have herpes."

We probably need an interpreter for med-speak although there are some phony phases we all know, my favorite being, "There may be some discomfort with the procedure." Which, as we all know, means, "This will hurt like hell."

[Shilo041509]

OK, let me just figure something out that you said, BoxofRain. I'm fairly sure that I was just exposed in the last three weeks. If I go and get a blood test right NOW and it's negative, then I'm right and I was exposed recently since antibodies haven't developed. If I got a blood test right now and it was positive, that means that I was exposed in the past and more than likely have been carrying the virus for awhile in its dormant state? Is this true, and would the fact that I'm experiencing my first OB do anything to change this?

ETA: Now that I spell it out like that, I think I might have answered my own question. I knew that antibodies took awhile to develop. In fact, I told the guy I might have unknowingly given it to that he'd have to wait to take the test if he doesn't show symptoms. Sooooo...I already know the answer to this!