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fallenone Honeycomb Member

fallenone

Posted
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Where to begin.....???:(

I went to get a physical a check-up with blood screening done some months ago...tested for everything. It was almost a year since I had the last one done. When the results came back the doctor was not there to explain so I just collected the results and figured I can read and I was sure I was good. The results were a bunch of figures and ranges of figures and I couldnt make heads or tails of it. I got really scared and confused:confused: . Eventually 2 weeks later I worked up the nerve to return to the clinic to see the doctor and have it explained. I thought that maybe I was making too much of it seeing that i didnt undertstand how to read it. He said I was fine, in great health great shape but he was concerned about two thing in the results. His concern was the levels of the results of the last two tests, I may have Chlamydia and HSV1&2. My heart literally stopped. When it started beating again..the very first beat gave me an instant headache.

He kept saying not to worry about it its maybe nothing but by then I couldnt hear anything he was saying.

I manage to get home some how. Dont know. I kept thinking I was gonna throw up, pass out, crash and die. All I wanted to do then was just remove myself from everything. I took the treatment for Chlamydia and kept trying to convince myself that that was the responsible agent for HSV. About 3 months later when I retested. That signed everything off and my life as I wanted it to be was now going to have to change and would never be the same.

For months I just kept trying to analyze my life over the last year, how the hell did this happen? Who did this? Should I tell anyone? I have spent hours upon hours on the Internet looking for information, treatment, cure.

How the hell did I manage to destroy my life like this?

I dont know what to do...I have since hidden my life from everyone.

I feel like I have let down everybody that cared about me. I dont know how to tell them. I dont want to tell them.

I have read so much things on this, and it has me even more pissed that there is no cure. ( not even a short period of time so that I can have my kids...selfish...I know)

Its now about 6 months later. I have accepted what happened. So far only two persons know. A very good friend and my then girlfriend. I hate people having secrets about me.

I have been looking and looking...I saw a picture of a young girl who also have HSV some nights ago. So damn pretty. My heart sank for her. It freaking unfair this shid that happens. I could only imagine the tears she must have shed.

Finally I have decided to join these forums...I dont think I am strong enough to go daily on my own and I now have to look for similar status persons. Even if to just chat with to be able to deal with this daily.

The worse time...is to be alone with your thoughts...

Fallenone

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BoxofRain Acknowledged Support Member

BoxofRain

Posted
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know how you feel......it definitely sucks. feel free to send me a message if you have any questions or want to talk. Ive been trying to deal with this for 1 1/2 years and still dont feel happy at all ever since. Offers here if you feel like talking. :)

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fallenone Honeycomb Member

fallenone

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Thanks for responding, and thank you for the offer. I will take you up on that soon.

For most days, I'm good. The thinking thing happens when I get home. I have so immersed myself with work that I feel so tired when I get home I can do anything but sleep. Well at least try to. I am a kind of person that doesnt really dwell on things. Especially when its beyond my power to change it. A la "Serenity Prayer". So i just try to be really really careful with the people around me. Kids most especially.

Other than that. I do what I normally do...Work. Try to occupy my mind for as long as possible as much as possible. It works. hehehehe.

This forum is the first time I am really opening up about this. So I will try to do more. Today I felt really eager to see the responses that might have been posted. But I am definitely not gonna check the forum form work. I know they monitor we traffic. I can do without the stress.

Sleep time 4 me though, had a very long day today.

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wonderwall Honeycomb Member

wonderwall

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i just recently started getting cold sores. i realize there is less stigma attached, but i think it's only because most people don't realize it's the same thing as herpes. i didn't. i took health classes every year of junior high and high school and no one ever told me. my mom didn't know it was the same thing. my best friend didn't know. two of my other friends didn't know... everyone keeps telling me to calm down about it but i still cry most days.

i've always been the type to stress a lot, i've always eaten plenty of chocolate and nuts and i've been drinking things with caffine since i can remember. i know i contracted it recently, they're obviously initial outbreaks, and i'm pretty sure i got it from sharing chapstick with someone whom i later realized had a sore on her lip. i threw the stick away but it was too late, i guess.

how stupid is that? CHAPSTICK!

i'm afraid i'll never be able to date someone without having to tell them before i can even kiss them that i have herpes. i'm afraid i'll never be able to kiss my kids... if i can even find somebody who will kiss me, let alone marry me and have children with me. i'll never be able to kiss my sister's kids. i can't kiss people hello or goodbye and i have to explain why i won't let anyone share drinks with me. it's soooo common where i live to share drinks, food, kiss hello and goodbye... on the edge of the lip, and to share chapstick, of course. i'm going to become a recluse.

i feel like one of those crazy things from the world of harry potter or one of the 9 from lord of the rings.

rant over, i guess.

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Lucozade Newbie

Lucozade

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No don't worry, of course you can kiss kids etc, not so sure about sharing drinks etc, it's not very hygenic anyway with or without Herpes!

I kiss my baby constantly! when I've got a sore - as in now, I just refrain thats all!

Your life needn't change. 80% of us get coldsores from time to time. Like me, you have recently been infected, but as time goes on you'll break out less and less.:)

If you have an active sore - and believe me you'll know - no snogging anyones face off or they'll get it for sure. Give it a week after to be on the safe side because of shedding.

Please don't worry so much, stress is more of a trigger than chocolate, tea, coffee, alcohol or sunlight or whatever else they say!

I have genital and oral Herpes, all because of my damn ex's coldsore:( Be thankful you've only got it orally - you don't want 'em down there - believe me lol

Love Jules x

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