breaking the news

[flicka]

I would like an honest opinion from the guys, I have brought the subject up with my friend about std's and asked how he would feel about being with someone who had one and he said he could deal with it. Do you think this could be his honest opinion? I just don't want to jump the gun and scare him away.Do you think that maybe he allready is thinking this is what I have to tell him?

[BoxofRain]

possibly he is thinking you might have something......however did you mention stds or INCURABLE stds.......to a lot of people theres a huge difference in their response. Also, he may have something himself or has had in the past and understands anyone can get stds and doesnt associate the stigma as being something dirty people get ......ya never know....wait a bit and see what happens.....dont want to scare him away like ya said. Give it a little more time and feel it out. Maybe find out somehow his thoughts on incurable stds and stuff.......or just do what your heart feels is right. Good luck...I hope it works out good for you either way

[flicka]

Well I just don't know how to deal with what goes with it, I have not told anyone so I have no one to talk to about it. He says he cares for me too and at times I feel like I may allready love him. I am not even sure if I could deal with being with some one now, and how long could he deal with all the crap that goes into having sex. I guess I am scared to try to start something new, I have so many doubts going through my mind I have even thought about ending it so I would not have to deal with it but my heart won't let me, I am trying to follow my doctors advice and move on, like he said it is not my fault I was lied to, but who is going to care about that all they are gonna see is someone with the plague and avoid me, how do you deal with it?? I want to be with him really bad, it is all I think about then reality smacks me in the face, what to do? I think he is understanding enough to be with me and stand by me through everything but I am scared to take that chance, I don't want him to hate me like I do the one who give ot to me.

[BoxofRain]

Its a very tough call and I do not know but that is my fear for my future......and i just could not tell someone that .....not now and Ive had this and it will be 2 years this coming august since i got it. I feel its like havng no choice really when it comes down to it......be alone and miserable or risk feeling rejected and like an outcast and losing someone you really wanted to be with. But its the only way if you dont want to be alone......and I just hope this guy you like so much is ok with it, or at the very least respects you and even if he does not want to risk it, I hope he is kind and considerate and still offers you his friendship. The only way I can look at it is that if you go through all the emotional risk of telling someone then I hope they are mature enough and kind enough to respect you no matter their final decision.......and if they are not then it was not meant to be...with or without herpes.....they just were not the right person for you....and you have to really believe that......same goes if you didnt have herpes and it didnt work out with someone.....just was not meant to be for you at that time in your life. I hope it works out.......remember to have strength, be calm, be matter of fact, and also, in your case let him know he is the first person you have told and be completely honest with your words and just hope for the best. Its hard to put yourself out there but if you dont want to be alone forever then you have to take the plunge a few times and just let it out. good luck and I really hope it works out ok.

[Carrie3909]

I broke the news to my boyfriend a few wks ago. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm also newly divorced so I've never had to tell anyone this before. I seriously almost walked out the door and almost just broke it off because I just couldn't tell him. I guess I just took a deep breath and told him I needed him to know something and it just came out. I really like this guy and I know he's crazy about me too, if we weren't already this close I dont think I could have done it. He was ok with it. The worst part of this? He has ED problems so we cant use a condom, seriously, there is no way. We're being very careful and if I so much as even suspect I might be having an outbreak I wouldn't let him touch me. He did ask a few questions a few wks later, after he had some time to think about it. I'm glad I told him.

I also have a friend with GH, she has had 3 serious relationships over the last 10 years, told every one of the guys and they were all ok with it. She also didn't use condoms with any of them, (no sex if she felt an outbreak coming on), she's still in contact with all of them and none of them contracted it. This probably isn't a responsible approach but thought I'd share it.

I would be using a condom if we could. Unfortunately we just have multiple obstacles.

[MikeTwo]

Determing when you feel comfortable telling a partner is a call only you can make. As long as you're honest, then no matter what reaction you get you made an mature and responsible decision to tell them. If you scare them away, then it means that person isn't ready for a committed relationship and there is no harm finding this out now rather than later.