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33M worried in Detroit


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First of all I just want to say thanks in advance for this great forum, lots of great information here.

Well im not proud to say this but im a 33 year old male who recently cheated on his wife. I gave/received oral sex from a lady I met recently at a bar. She is a 29, single and an MD (doctor), who works in Detroit. My sexual history has always been clean and disease free. We had a one time enounter. Upfront we let each other know that all we want is a no strings encounter.

I was really stupid and naeive and didn't even ask if she had any type of diseases. I just assumed that since she is a doctor that she is clean, that was stupid. But anyways, we met up and basically started kissing, and then I gave her oral for about 10-15 mins and she gave me oral. We did not have intercourse because admitedly I could not get an erection (felt bad about cheating). So, that was it, we had some coffee and left. I have not talked to her since. This happened SUnday night.

Now fast forward 4 days to Thursday night, as im getting ready for bed I start getting a very bad itch on my uppper butt crack, almost towards the top of the butt crack. I itched it very hard and forcefully for about 15 mins. I even had an itch on the other side of the butt crack. That was that and I fell asleep. The next morning I noticed 3 bumps that looked like a mosquito bite towards the top of the butt crack area,, basically both sides of the crack. The one bumb was like a scab because I itched it so hard. THe other two were just red and like a mosquito bump.

Then at work, for some reason I started thinking about herpes and did a google search and looked at pictures. Granted none of the pics looked like my spots. I also don't have the other symtoms like swollen lymph nodes, muscle aches, headache. I feel generally fine besides the anxiety. I have no discharge or penis sores. No pain urinating etc... All I have are the 3 itchy spots. The itchy spots don't look like they have puss or anything of that nature. Its now sunday and they all look like they are going away. They are not itching anymore and my butt feels better. The one that was scabbed is still there but its lessening.

So, tell me, am I worried about nothing? Does this sound like herpes? I heard typically your first outbreak is on your gentials? also we did not have intercourse, just oral? Also, should I call this lady and tell her whats on my mind? I'd rather not talk to her cuz i feel shame. Please help a dude out. Thanks guys.

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For your own edification I think you need to learn about std's. What you are describing sounds to me like insect bites but I am not a dr.

I'm not gonna lecture you about extra marital affairs but I am going to tell you that there are a lot of diseases out there. There are a lot of people who don't care about infecting others and they can look like normal, upstanding, even respectable individuals who you would think wouldn't give you an std. Unfortunately we can only answer for ourselves and not our partners. It would be very sad for you to have contracted something and then go home and infect your unsuspecting spouse.

We all need to ask the right questions before engaging in sexual activity and we all should be able to answer honestly when we are asked. Since being diagnosed with hsv2 I've learned that standard std screens at the dr don't test for hsv. It can be contracted through oral or genital contact. It can even be contracted while using a condom. And it is for life. You will need to request a herpes specific blood test if you are going to get yourself tested. If you should have blisters or ulcers etc. get them swabbed and tested. There are planned parenthood clinics in many towns that can help you with this if you don't have a family dr to help you.

I recommend not engaging in sexual activity until you get tested and test negative but if you have just contracted hsv it could take weeks before it shows up in a blood test and usually symptoms show up as soon as 2 days and perhaps as long as 21 days after infection. For women this is a traumatic disease to live with and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I hope that you don't have hsv.

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thanks for the response. i agree with everything you said.

my bumps are going away already, its been 2 -3 days. i have been reading and they said the initial outbreak is usually on your genitals. my genitals and anus are normal.also, do all the bumps always have blisters and pus? mine dont have puss or anything. i dunno, maybe i have some kind of folliculities or staph infection. has anyone else had a initial outbreak hit thier top or their butt crack? and they are not open sores or of that nature. truly look loike mosquito bites. thanks guys.

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    • Ric12321
      it's actually because of bareback bj...
    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
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