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I am a 36 year old female - and just recently diagnosed with HSV 1 genitalia. I am divorced after a 13 year (Monogomous) marriage and I have been dating a man for the past 7 months. I have never had any symptoms of herpes previously cold sores or anything!! My current partner swears he hasn't ever had anything either, including cold sores. I am so incredibly depressed and bewildered. Even though my current partner wants to stay with me, it is so hard to continue a relationship with him. I feel l that at any moment he willl change his mind and realize that a relationship without sexual intamacy will not work. I want him to get a blood test but he hasn't and I can't be responsible for passing this on to ANYONE. I'm also confused because if he does test positive for HSV 1 but has never had any symtoms do I have to worry about giving it back to him sort of speak. Can a person have this and never have any outbreaks - just be a carrier sort of speak?

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Should be suspicious...

Dear Scared, I wouldn't doubt that this man didn't give this to you. And the fact that he won't get a blood test is a concern, don't you think? What makes you think that after 13 yrs of marriage and no symptoms and then dating this man for 7 mos and you now have symptoms means that you gave it to him? Sounds like it is likely the other way around, but no way to be sure since these symptoms can lie dormant for yrs. I would insist that he get tested for both HSV 1 and 2, and you do the same. If he refuses to get tested, move away from him and take care of yourself. Oh, and USE CONDOMS!

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It is becoming more common for people to get hsv1 genitally because they have had oral sex with someone who has hsv1 calling it a coldsore without knowing that it is a herpes virus.

It is important for your bf to get tested he may have it and not know it. Men don't always get the same symptoms as women. And yes it is possible for him to have this and never have an outbreak. It can also be dormant or latent for many years and have asymptomatic shedding without the person knowing they are contagious.

this article helped me to understand the differences in the viruses and how they behave.


I'd like to add that hsv does not mean that you cannot have sexual intimacy it is just more of a challenge. Some partners are willing to work with each other to find a way to enjoy intimacy. There are also antivirals that can help reduce outbreaks.

It would be much easier for you if he would get tested because if he already has it then you don't have to worry about giving it to him.

A blood test will tell him if he has it but I do not believe it will show whether it is oral or genital without the presence of an outbreak.

We're here for you.

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yes, have a blood test done. It will be telling if you DO have any antibodies as of yet. If you don't, then you can be pretty sure that your current boyfriend gave you herpes (which sounds to be the case to me.) Also HE should have a blood test as well. AS the others on here have said, he could be a carrier and not know it, he could be in denial, who knows? But I would make HIM get a blood test. The blame shouldn't be automatically foisted upon you, simply because you have the physical manifestations of herpes.

Good luck and go asap!

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    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
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