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Getting tested, but I'm already engaged! What do I say?


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Hello, I am new here. I'm 29 years old and I have been prompted to learn as much as I can about HSV.

My mom always had coldsores, mostly on her nose, and as I got older I had one here and there. My 6 year old daughter has always had coldsores on her mouth right before a cold or flu, even as a baby. I've never really thought much about it, although I "knew" it was a "form" of herpes...but was misinformed thinking that it was not the same as the STD version...

Now I am freaking out. I got sick this weekend with what I thought was strep throat, or a flu but what is weird is that I am swollen and tender in areas not usually affected by strep, as far as I know. (vulva/labia) I can barely sit it is so tender. My lymph nodes all the way down my neck are popping out too and my throat is so sore I'm only eating jello and ice cream. I made the appointment with my doctor and now yesterday and today I have notices some 'sores' inside my mouth, but I'm not sure if it is herpes or just from chewing my cheeks (nervous habit).

I have not been officially tested for HSV since I was much younger (16) because I thought that it was covered in my yearly physical. I feel like a fool finding out now that it is not tested without asking specifically.

Anytime I have gone in to my doctor to ask about itchiness, she writes me a prescription for a yeast infection cure. Even when I told her I don't think it is a yeast infection, she has never looked. Everything I've read says that the first outbreak is usually the worst, but that is where I'm getting confused. I think I may have had this before now, but *this* is the worst I've ever felt. There are NO blisters, no itchiness, no burning, no problems when I urinate. The only thing making me even think it might be herpes is that my vulva (one side only) is so swollen and tender, and I do have the family coldsore on my nose at the moment, which could just be because I'm sick...

My fiance is wondering what is wrong (I've been unusually moping around) but what can I say? All of a sudden I think I have herpes? We've only had sex twice (we are trying to wait until marriage) but we have both been around the block before. Now I know I have the type 1, and so does my daughter, mother and all my sisters. But if this is a 'first outbreak' it doesn't make any sense timewise, since I've only read that it occurs between 2-20 days after exposure. The last time I had sex with my fiance was about that long ago, but he swears he's been tested, and as someone I'm about to marry I could only trust him. How do I bring this up with him? He knows I am having 'issues' down there, but probably thinks I have a yeast infection or something else he doesn't want to hear about. Everything has been going so perfectly with our relationship that I feel like I'll really be letting him down. I'm really scared about this.

I have an appointment tomorrow (March 27) and I'm going to demand a physical examination and blood testing, but it will still take days for the results, and I need some ideas on how to talk about this with my fiance, whom I may have unintentionally exposed(??)

Thanks everyone, it was so relieving to find this support forum! Sorry for the length!


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Hi there....

sorry you are feeling so bad. But I am glad you are going to see a doctor about this. The symptoms do sound like it can be genital hsv.

I would have your fiance go and get bloodtested for hsv 1 and 2. There is always a chance he has it and is asymptomatic. The timeline is just too coincidental. Unless he has specifically asked for a herpes bloodtest and/or swab culture, chances are he has never been tested for herpes. He might be one of those people who have it and do not even know it.

Talk to him about it, and tell him it is very important that he does get a blood test SPECIFICALLY for hsv1 and 2. (both) . This could at least answer or alleviate some questions you have.

I hope you are feeling better and good luck to you.

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Thanks for the support. Actually he was tested as part of a program he was involved with within the last year, and we've only been intimate once since then. What I've learned is that my physical exams may not have included STD testing, which I thought they did, so I might actually be the one who hasn't been getting testing! I feel like a fool now, but I just didn't know. But now that I know more about hsv-1, and that I'm sure I have that at least, I will let him know he should be tested again for that.

So, is it possible to be hsv-2 positive even without any sores, itchiness or burning? I just have this huge lump on one side that is so tender I can't sit down. I have read that it could also be something called a bartholin's gland cyst...has anyone heard of this? I'll be so relieved if it is just that, but also grateful for the education on the hsv-1 I have as a result of this.

I'll be going to the doctor's in an hour, so hopefully I'll have some answers soon.

If anyone still wishes to respond, I'd appreciate any feedback. Thanks again.


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sounds like that family nose cold sore- spread to genital.

since you have managed to have it in 3 generation i would def think it wouldnt be that hard to spread

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get tested and be honest with him...

Please do him a favor if you love him or even if you don't get tested and be honest. He might want to get tested also. I'm having to sweat this out. I had a partner whom didn't tell me she had herpes sp 2 till after we had sex about 6 times. It's totally blown any trust I have in her. How do I know she was taking her Valtrex? How do I know that's all she had? I'm going for testing on the 29th to put this to bed one way or the other. If you just tell him and he loves you there is a strong likelihood he'll see this through with you regardless how it turns out. If he doesn't you can move on... DO THE RIGHT THING!

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I've heard HSV can lay dormant for many years without making a "debut". But before I go on, I'm glad to hear you're getting tested for it...as should he. That will put any doubts to rest.

Also, I think it's important to know that it is possible to "self innoculate" yourself with the herpes virus. So if you've got a cold sore on your lips, say, you touch that and scratch/rub another part of your body, it is possible to spread it. Not very common, but it does happen.

Lastly, please realize that if the majority of folks took tests for HSV, most would test positive for type 1. HSV2 isn't very far behind though, and is said to affect approximately 1 in 3 people...so it's an extremely common virus.

I once dated a physician who told me that easily half the folks who came to his clinic for STD testing tested positive for HSV2.

So you are far from alone. Most folks have no idea they have it. Heck, I didn't for years. The symptoms you described sound like a primary outbreak, what with the swollen lymph nodes and feeling a bit fatigued. Hopefully you'll have your answer soon enough!

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