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FML123

Thought of death?

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FML123

Hi. I was just diagnosed Friday. I know the first outbreak is the worst but I can't keep from thinking about the future. This pain has been keeping me in tears all day. I keep thinking what if its this bad with future outbreaks. Ive canceled so many plans and study groups with my friends this week to try to get my immunity back up. Ive just been in bed and laying in the tub. My vagina burns!!!! I love life and I am such a positive person...but if my life is going to be like this...i pray that God will take me. Then I start thinking about my parents...I can't do anything to hurt them. We already lost my brother due to a heart attack at 34. I am a Christian and know I wont go to heaven if I take my own life. I would not put my parents through that loss again. I am not saying I am planning to kill myself...I am just asking when y'all had your first ob, was it so bad that these thoughts occurred?

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lookinforrelief

hi fml123

yes, ive had thoughts of death millions of times. i have hsv1 on my face, continual outbreaks for over one year. however, for you this is your first outbreak. did you get meds? also, if you see that the meds are not working there is alot of successful herpes sufferers that have had success with herbal things. read thru the threads...every bit of info on here is very helpful and the members are very supportive. it's so tough, i know. i wish i could make it go away for everyone. good luck to you.

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LIinstaller

Hi FML123. I've only been here for a few months but I've already seen many people come here with those same thoughts and feelings. Then after their initial ob clears up they sound like completely different people. They realize that it's not the end of normal life. The initial shock of the diagnosis as well as the ob is tough to take but it will get better for you. Continue to be the positive person that you still are and take advantage of the great information available on this site. And don't forget to take advantage of the supportive people on here. You'll make great friends to help you out.

Take care and stay positive!

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Dummy
Hi. I was just diagnosed Friday. I know the first outbreak is the worst but I can't keep from thinking about the future. This pain has been keeping me in tears all day. I keep thinking what if its this bad with future outbreaks. Ive canceled so many plans and study groups with my friends this week to try to get my immunity back up. Ive just been in bed and laying in the tub. My vagina burns!!!! I love life and I am such a positive person...but if my life is going to be like this...i pray that God will take me. Then I start thinking about my parents...I can't do anything to hurt them. We already lost my brother due to a heart attack at 34. I am a Christian and know I wont go to heaven if I take my own life. I would not put my parents through that loss again. I am not saying I am planning to kill myself...I am just asking when y'all had your first ob, was it so bad that these thoughts occurred?

Yes I felt the same way and my OB was minor in pain or sight. I was just crushed that I was being diagnosed as having something that nothin can be done other than suppression. It goes against anything I've ever believed in faith. I was taught God can do anything and to hear and see even Christians surcum to this virus gives me no hope.... However I have decided to believe regardless and will not give up.. I'm a fighter and I invite you to do the same... It will get better we have to do what it takes to take care of ourselves .. And in the meantime continue to pray and thank Him for your victory over this! God knows your heart!

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lissa77

Hello FML123

I was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago with Genital Herpes and I felt the same as you up until a couple days ago. I have 2 teenage boys that do NOT know of my condition, nor do I plan on telling them! But I know that they depend on me as their mother and that is what has kept me going. I'm trying to stay positive and that is why I joined this group today. I am reaching out to contact others that know what I am going through and can help me stay positive and give me ideas on how to keep the pain to a minimal during an OB.

I will pray for you, and hope you get to feeling better soon.

Stay well

'Lissa'

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FML123

Thank you to all who posted. lookinforrelief, I was given meds. One of them I am supposed to take for 3 days. Day 3 was today. I want more but I guess it would be wise to listen to the doctor. My blisters are all open so I am anxiously waiting for them to heal. I cant wait for this ob to be over so I can go back to my usual daily routine. I miss my life. :(

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RockstarAlien

I caught oral herpes from a guy just over a month ago. I've been very low and suicidal. I'm scared about the future. I don't want to kiss someone and pass it on. My lips constantly have this burning sensation and I have lost all of my personality I used to have. I'm very depressed about catching it.

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FML123
I caught oral herpes from a guy just over a month ago. I've been very low and suicidal. I'm scared about the future. I don't want to kiss someone and pass it on. My lips constantly have this burning sensation and I have lost all of my personality I used to have. I'm very depressed about catching it.

A month ago...thats very recent also. Can you got to counseling? I am going to. We are all in this together. It blows my mind how some people have no symptoms or maybe a tiny little bump as an outbreak. Then there are people like us where it takes over! :( Im learning that these thoughts are normal....dont do anything thought rockstar...if you feel really down i can give you my number and we can text. I dont want you sad :(

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Acesheart
Hello FML123

I was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago with Genital Herpes and I felt the same as you up until a couple days ago. I have 2 teenage boys that do NOT know of my condition, nor do I plan on telling them! But I know that they depend on me as their mother and that is what has kept me going. I'm trying to stay positive and that is why I joined this group today. I am reaching out to contact others that know what I am going through and can help me stay positive and give me ideas on how to keep the pain to a minimal during an OB.

I will pray for you, and hope you get to feeling better soon.

Stay well

'Lissa'

Hey lissa ,welcome to the family. I told my 18 year old daughter just two months ago. She came to chat room with me, she told the room how proud she was of me. She doesn't look at me or treat me different. I wanted her educated on the facts of h. She is bisexual and I wanted her to understand you can get h by not having intercourse too. Most I speak with don't know this, they think it is just from sexy times. She went off to college educated on h and other Std's. I feel much better as her mom knowing she now knows the facts. High school told their kids to just use a condom, we here all know that condoms only protect 30% of the time. They do absolutely nothing for females who love females. It was very nice meeting you this morning I hope to see you soon. Take care, Ace. :hithere:

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sunnydaze1965

I can relate to all of this. I was diagnosed with hsv 2, 10 years ago. My first ob was horrible i didnt know what it was. I made an appt. with my obgyn he did a culture. He called a few days later and told me it was negitive for herpes. I had gone for a waxing and I thought it was an ingrown hair. I was so relieved..only to have another outbreak a year later. This time the culture of course came back positive. I told my boyfriend and he didnt really say anything. No questions, so I asked him and he said I must have gotten it last year from the waxing!! I asked him to get a blood test he refused told me he never had anything. He convinced me I must have gotten it from the waxing. We had a great sex life the years we were together, still he always blamed the waxing. Until one day I found a letter from his ex girlfriend . I know i shouldnt have read it but im glad i did. In one part it said she was still waiting the results of the herpes test!! I confronted him with this new found information he didnt remember what she told him...how convinent. He never had a ob just me. Well we broke up 3 yrs ago after he had a ob. He said he thought he was immune cause i was always the one with the ob. Now he is with someone else and is living his life and I on the other hand cant find any one willing to accept the fact that i have this. Its really a horrible feeling. When I start a relationship and it heads in the sexual direction I always let the person know. Needless to say I never hear from any one again. It really does suck. But I try to be upbeat..its not the end of the world. And hopefully one day someone will accept me as I am.

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StillVeryBlessed

Lissa,

It's only been 3 weeks, but maybe when more time has passed, you will feel comfortable telling your teenage boys about your condition. My father got Herpes via unprotected sex while he served in Vietnam. When I was around 14, he and my Mom told me together about his flare ups. I am not quite sure if they did it to make me aware about STDs or if my Dad wanted me to be sensitive to his bouts of being irritable and out of sorts, or both. I always admired his honesty and felt it helped not be judgemental toward those with STDs.

When I was 35 and had been married for 11 years, I went through a period I am not proud of and was with someone other than my husband. You guessed it, I ended up with herpes myself and unfortunately passed it to my husband, who got a far worse case than I did. I was ashamed and swore I would never tell our children, especially under the circumstances in which we got it herpes. I felt it was different from my Dad...he was away at war and had gotten his before he married my Mom. What was my excuse?

Then one of our kids, our older daughter, who we adopted as an already-sexually active teen, was diagnosed at 19. She was devastated and felt she'd be better off dead than having to leave with herpes the rest of her life. When I explained our story to her, as well as my Dad's, it gave her hope. She had no idea her parents and grandfather were all living with herpes. It was the first time I felt grateful I had herpes so that she could truly believe it gets better from someone who's "been there, done that". I think she also respects our marriages more deeply (of my parents and of our own) and the power of acceptance and forgiveness.

I still don't know if my husband nor I will ever discuss the matter with our other four children (all teens), but if we feel it will help them, we will. Keep an open mind, never say never, and listen to your gut...under the right circumstances, your diagnosis may actually help one or both of your teenage boys down the road.

Good luck and hang in there...it's been 8 years for me and my husband (and nearly 50 years for my Dad!)...it DOES get better. :)

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