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SeraNicole

Ground Zero

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SeraNicole

Hey everyone! I am a 25 year old female, and was recently (within the last three weeks) diagnosed with HSV-2. Like most of the stories I have read here, at first I was in complete shock. I remember waking up and feeling this odd pain, and brushing it off thinking absolutely nothing of it, and then two days later I was having the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life. At first I was mortified, I already had an idea of what it was, and immediately took myself to my health care provider. However, even after the tests had been run, medication purchased, and the initial OB handled... I don't think it had fully sunk in that I had tested positive for HSV-2.

I contracted it from a man I had been with for several years, he had never once mentioned that he might possibly have anything, though when I confronted him he admitted that his ex had also tested positive for the same thing only months before. Needless to say I felt angry and a bit lost. What made it all worse was that this last weekend I was to see my college crush after 8 years of losing contact. In the weeks before learning that I had H, he and I had come to the agreement we needed to pursue a relationship etc....

However, this weekend was a rather sober realization that not everyone is wholly accepting of my new life situation. When he and I finally sat down to talk about everything, he literally walked out of my life. Truthfully it was a huge blow to me... My best friend of over eight years and the first person I really had ever cared for was suddenly MIA... I can't say I blame him, because he doesn't fully understand H, and as I am still learning about it myself, I know it can be scary.

Now in retrospect I find myself becoming more and more depressed. I, like everyone else, is always searching for acceptance and to find that person who will love you unconditionally, and understand that this isn't something that I asked for... I have never been the type to "sleep around" and its so upsetting when people automatically assume that to contract HSV-2 that you have a wildly active sex life. I know that a lot of people say over time things will get better... however my second OB came within a week or so of the first, and this time I had ridiculous pain shooting through my legs all the way down to my toes. Coupled with insane itching and the usual pains I literally felt like I was going insane. I have done research and founds ways to cope, but I find it is affecting not only my social life but my work life as well. I can only hope things get better from this point on.

I will say I am so blessed to have found this site, everything I have read allows me to see I am not truly alone, and that is a burden that seems to have been lifted from my shoulders. I am sure in the future I will have plenty of questions and stories to recount here... and honestly I look forward to everyone's responses and guidance. For now however I am starting from ground zero, and frankly I believe firmly that things can only slowly get better from here.

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SnowDaySmiles

Thank you for sharing. You seem to have a positve outlook, which is half the battle! Get involved with the comunity, its a big one! You will see that you are far from alone. Glad you found this place, it was such a safe haven for me as well! I hope to see you around soon.

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jelana

Hi,

I have had a similar experience. I was diagnosed when I was 23, and the person claims they were not aware of having herpes. They openly admitted to having had sex with other people just a few days before I got my first OB. I think that was the worst part of it all, getting slapped in the face with a diagnosis and knowing the other person betrayed you.

I remember the doctor walking into the exam room, sitting down on that rolling chair and lowering her voice and saying "it came back positive for hsv2". Literally my extremities went numb, my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach and my vision got fuzzy. My first question was stupid, "Will I die?". You just don't know what else to ask, it's like being hit by a truck emotionally. I cried when I got in my car and called my mom (who I have been blessed to have throughout this experience with all her support). I felt like my life has just ended and I will only exist from now on. Live in shame, fear and constantly feeling like I am carrying around this huge, disgusting secret.

It has been about a year and a half since then. Needless to say the person who gave me the virus has moved on and it does not bother him. That kills me. I think of it every day, and they look at it the way I wish I could. They see it as "minor". I think that's the right way to look at it, and I pray that someday I will get to that point myself. Because reality: it is minor. If you take away the social stigma, would the symptoms really bother all of us who have it? Not more than any cold would. Annoying-yes. Embarrassing-yes, but who has a right to intrude in our privacy?

I went to a psychologist/therapist 5 months after my diagnosis. I still go every once in a while now. It helps, and if you have the funds to do so, I greatly recommend it. It is a difficult thing to accept, I'm right there with you. You feel alone and wonder if anyone will ever accept you "just as you are". I have my good days and I have my bad days. Not going to lie, it doesn't just all go away after a year. But it does become more manageable. You begin to accept it, you begin to look at it as something you have, not who you are.

I would certainly never share your condition with anyone other than someone who is incredibly close to you. I made the mistake of saying it to some sort-of- friends who then began to look at me differently. But my closest friends have never been more supportive. They will always be there for you. Sharing with them can help. It helped me.

As far as dating goes: it is not hopeless. I did date someone who was aware of the condition (who did not get it from me during our relationship) and they were supportive. Is it harder to date? Only if you let your fear get the best of you. Every time I get bundled up in my negative thinking I think back to statistics and how many people have this. There are SO MANY PEOPLE who have herpes! For heaven's sake, it's a virus that stems from the same family of viruses as chicken pox! Can you imagine how ridiculous it would sound if someone said "Oh, you had chicken pox? I can't date you...." lol. You have to calm yourself down any time you get wrapped up in the negative thoughts. You will have them at some point probably, and it's normal. But do yourself a favor: distract yourself. Go on a walk, go work out, go outside, do anything to pull yourself out of that.

I may sound a little pessimistic, this is my "bad" day today, not going to lie. But I am not giving up. The more time has passed the more good days I have rather than bad ones. The more hope I carry in my heart. The more I let go of the fear and embrace whatever is in God's plan for me. You have to learn to let go a little. I'm still working on that part. It will get better as you have said. It has gotten better for me. I go to school, see friends and still have my old life. It's a journey, not a quick trip. Everything happens for a reason and as difficult as this may seem to be looked at as a positive it very well may be. I can tell you that it has made me look at men differently, and made me appreciate a warm heart in a true man.

It will get better. One day at a time...

-J

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Patty Cakes

The same thing happened to me. I am 60 years old and found out a year ago that I have Herpes and HPV. I was engaged to the man who gave this to me. He claims he did not know he had the STDS. I have never broken out with the Herpes. I guess you could say I am a carrier. I did break out in the genital warts. That was not fun getting treated. I now have a positive pap with abnormal cells from the HPV. I just do not know when this nightmare will end. I am not engaged anymore and do not date. I probably will never have sex again. I feel for anyone that is young that is dealing with this. It can be dealt with but I find it hard. I should have never had sex after my divorce.

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Number7
Hi,

I have had a similar experience. I was diagnosed when I was 23, and the person claims they were not aware of having herpes. They openly admitted to having had sex with other people just a few days before I got my first OB. I think that was the worst part of it all, getting slapped in the face with a diagnosis and knowing the other person betrayed you.

I remember the doctor walking into the exam room, sitting down on that rolling chair and lowering her voice and saying "it came back positive for hsv2". Literally my extremities went numb, my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach and my vision got fuzzy. My first question was stupid, "Will I die?". You just don't know what else to ask, it's like being hit by a truck emotionally. I cried when I got in my car and called my mom (who I have been blessed to have throughout this experience with all her support). I felt like my life has just ended and I will only exist from now on. Live in shame, fear and constantly feeling like I am carrying around this huge, disgusting secret.

It has been about a year and a half since then. Needless to say the person who gave me the virus has moved on and it does not bother him. That kills me. I think of it every day, and they look at it the way I wish I could. They see it as "minor". I think that's the right way to look at it, and I pray that someday I will get to that point myself. Because reality: it is minor. If you take away the social stigma, would the symptoms really bother all of us who have it? Not more than any cold would. Annoying-yes. Embarrassing-yes, but who has a right to intrude in our privacy?

I went to a psychologist/therapist 5 months after my diagnosis. I still go every once in a while now. It helps, and if you have the funds to do so, I greatly recommend it. It is a difficult thing to accept, I'm right there with you. You feel alone and wonder if anyone will ever accept you "just as you are". I have my good days and I have my bad days. Not going to lie, it doesn't just all go away after a year. But it does become more manageable. You begin to accept it, you begin to look at it as something you have, not who you are.

I would certainly never share your condition with anyone other than someone who is incredibly close to you. I made the mistake of saying it to some sort-of- friends who then began to look at me differently. But my closest friends have never been more supportive. They will always be there for you. Sharing with them can help. It helped me.

As far as dating goes: it is not hopeless. I did date someone who was aware of the condition (who did not get it from me during our relationship) and they were supportive. Is it harder to date? Only if you let your fear get the best of you. Every time I get bundled up in my negative thinking I think back to statistics and how many people have this. There are SO MANY PEOPLE who have herpes! For heaven's sake, it's a virus that stems from the same family of viruses as chicken pox! Can you imagine how ridiculous it would sound if someone said "Oh, you had chicken pox? I can't date you...." lol. You have to calm yourself down any time you get wrapped up in the negative thoughts. You will have them at some point probably, and it's normal. But do yourself a favor: distract yourself. Go on a walk, go work out, go outside, do anything to pull yourself out of that.

I may sound a little pessimistic, this is my "bad" day today, not going to lie. But I am not giving up. The more time has passed the more good days I have rather than bad ones. The more hope I carry in my heart. The more I let go of the fear and embrace whatever is in God's plan for me. You have to learn to let go a little. I'm still working on that part. It will get better as you have said. It has gotten better for me. I go to school, see friends and still have my old life. It's a journey, not a quick trip. Everything happens for a reason and as difficult as this may seem to be looked at as a positive it very well may be. I can tell you that it has made me look at men differently, and made me appreciate a warm heart in a true man.

It will get better. One day at a time...

-J

Did the person who gave you the virus ever test for it?

Basically---the same thing happened to me as you and everything you have felt and are feeling..............I could've written myself.

I wish you luck and hope you find someone truly amazing --knowing you would not have met him had this not lead you to where you are today.

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SeraNicole

After I tested positive, he did go and get tested and it turned out that he is a carrier more than anything else, since he has never had an outbreak (at least not to his or my knowledge). He has been severely apologetic since I found out everything, but I can't lie and say I am not a bit bitter towards him since I found out about everything. There are times where I just break down crying because I am so frustrated.... However, I know that I can't change anything that has happened, and that like most things in life this will only make me a stronger, wiser, and more beautiful person. Just at this point working on simply accepting things as they are is hard some days. And thank you for the words of encouragement, they have definitely put a smile on my face.

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Number7
After I tested positive, he did go and get tested and it turned out that he is a carrier more than anything else, since he has never had an outbreak (at least not to his or my knowledge). He has been severely apologetic since I found out everything, but I can't lie and say I am not a bit bitter towards him since I found out about everything. There are times where I just break down crying because I am so frustrated.... However, I know that I can't change anything that has happened, and that like most things in life this will only make me a stronger, wiser, and more beautiful person. Just at this point working on simply accepting things as they are is hard some days. And thank you for the words of encouragement, they have definitely put a smile on my face.

So he tested positive but just does not have any symptoms?

Yes - we can't change what happened -- we can only move on with a positive attitude looking for that someone who knows how to love a person for who they are---not what we can give them.

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