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blackpearl

This feels like a dream, help :(

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blackpearl

I have just been diagnosed with H a week ago and I have been in a daze since then. I never thought this could have happened to me and whenever I think about it I wonder how could a person so loving and honest as I have something that I can't get rid of.

See, I have been dealing with female health issues alot this year and it just seems like I get or have one thing after the other and this new news is too much to bear sometimes. I was seriously talking to one guy off and on for about a year and a half but we were never in a relationship though we were intimate on many times. We discussed finally dating and I told him I wanted to get STD tested before we took things seriously, I did and I got H... Im so heart broken.. I told him because I love him and wanted to make sure he got tested but all he said was thanks and that he was upset and wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I felt so betrayed. I thought he was my friend and even though he couldn't have a relationship with me I thought he would have at least checked on me to see how I was doing ( haven't heard from him since).. after discussing it to a few close friends Im feeling as though he might have gave it to me ( his actions are so shaddy) :(

So now im dealing with this on my own and I just don't know what to do sometimes.. it feels like an out of body experience, I still don't feel like i have it but whenever I take my meds it reminds me.

I just feel so alone in this, I need someone that understands what im going thru and that's why im here... and Im scared that i wont find someone that will love me for me and want a relationship..( haven't been in one for 2 yrs). I love to love and want to give my love to someone else but Im worried that having this will diminish my already small chances of finding someone who wants and loves me just as much as I do.:(

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Research Puppet

Dont worry, if hes acting like that youre better off without him. I too am in the process of finding how to love with this and to be honest its not easy but it gets easyer to live with every day since I learned to take care of myself even more. Your life is not over, take a deep breath and use this as a learning experience to better yourself as an individual. Work on yourself, thats what I did and its working for me :) if you would like to ask anything specific I could help you with just reply here or send me a private message :)

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blackpearl

thanks and we actually talked lastnight and he said that he was shocked but sad cuz he ended up testing clean and that he wanted to work on dealing with this together... but hes thinking about whether or not he wants to be with me (other issues came up that we both weren't aware that we were doing to each other) and that what made him upset not that i have H which is a relief.

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Research Puppet

Well good luck with that, youll always find good people here so dont doubt to turn to us for help again in any situation. Theyve helped me in my times of need and i know they will keep doing it unconditionally. ;)

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