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I feel like my sex life is over


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I just found out that I have herpes 2. Since it is the beginning I am doing some crying and just going on a rollercoster ride. The biggest thing now is having to change my thoughts and actions and redifining who I am when I am not even sure who I really am.

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i thought exactly that..

i went thru all the standard emotions, anger, depression, fear..

i hoesntly thought id never be intimate with a girl again...

ive met sumone... who i really like, she really likes me (well she must do to take the risk) and if anything, other then me worrying about giving it to her, ive found a whole new side to myself..

being a bloke i was abit selfish, as a lover, but i find ive changed that now, now i can hours, and i mean hours, of fun without penetration!!

sex isnt just about penetration, now its about emotions, feelings, and finding all those little places that send my girl wild..

if anything, its made me a better lover....

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lol - yes very true!!

ive been lucky in the fact since i was diagnosed i was in a relasonship at the time, which laster anorther year, we broke up a few months ago, and now ive met sumone else, the first girl ive got close to since splitting from my last girlfriend, ive told her all the facts and shes fine about it and wants to continue the realsonship...

i fully understand what you mean tho, but if u do meet sumone worth your time, and you like him enough to tell him, then if he likes you as much as you like him, most people will work around it......

you are still the same person, just more educated and careful now...

i find by being honest, you get people being honest with you....

if u feel u cant ever tell anyone, try one of the dating sites for people in the same situation as us.

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I jsut found out too, one week ago, did all the crying too and really don't know who I am either. I am struggling with the fact that someday, hopefully I will meet someone I like enough to tell and then maybe he will dump me because of it. My advice to you, and the way I think i have to deal with this is, I will be very selective with the guys I date, maybe ones that like me for me and not for sex and a good time. wE see where that got me....

gutted..such a bloke thing to say, lived in London years ago, yes I appreciate how this has changed you, unfortunately it sucks that this was the reason. It sounds like you are dealing with this very maturely and I hope I can do that too. Just hoping it is just part of me and not what defines me.

thanks for your thoughts!

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its not a case of dealing with it maturely, how else am i ment to deal with it>?

ill be dammed if im gonna let in ruin my life, im 25, got 40 years in me yet, gonna enjoy every one of em!

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still the first week

on some level i know my life is not over and time will make that better. and of course this changes me. and everything that touches my life defines me including this. i am just trying to readjust my pic of me in my life. it is what it is and right now it sucks big time and it is all fuzzy.

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I have to agree with Gutted its sink or swim!! I know its hard in the beginning, and your emotions are all over the place, i am only just coming to terms myself after being diagnosed 3 weeks ago. We have no option but to get on with it, its not going to ruin your life, change a little yes, and if we can all draw something slightly posotive from this ,its that the people we have relationships once diagnosed are with you for much more than just sex, when you go through something like this,its about honesty, trust and support.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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