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Possible solution, possible dilema


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Odds are, the person you are interested in already has HSV.

The 50% of the population that is HSV+ should not mind that you are also HSV+. Add the HSV- people who will take you with or without HSV and your odds are better than not that any person you are interested in will accept you. Most people don't realize they have HSV. How do you use this to your advantage?

Awareness (that they too are HSV+)

Education (they will have to learn about HSV the hard way)

Acceptance (you look better when they have it too)

The solution:

Tell the prospect that you require full documented std screening of all your future prospects which lists standard std's plus HIV/HPV/HSV, and you would like them to get tested too. As long as you don't expose them to the virus you don't have to reveal your HSV status or the herpes topic until the tests are done. The recent HPV/cancer scare could be a good topic to segue the conversation into std's. There's an over 50% chance s/he will test positive for oral herpes and 25% chance for genital herpes. Now you have a better than 50% chance that they find out their positive HSV status and the playing field is now closer to level for you.

One more person is HSV aware and is tested.

You are protected from other std's.

Weeds out the bad apples. Do you really want to be with someone who refuses to get tested, and doesn't think you are worth getting tested?

Require documentation, and show your documentation. Do you trust someone who won't show you their std screening documents?

This should be routine procedure anyway - in fact some states require standard std screening before getting married.

Basically, this whole tactic boils down to you looking more attractive when they find out that they too are HSV+. Do you see a moral dilema here?


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Very very interesting.

I've thought along the same lines. BUT, if you disclose your status first then does this not avoid any dilemma?

There is NO WAY ON EARTH that I would have sex with anyone who won't get tested.

Firslty, because I don't want to catch anything else - god forbid!!!

And secondly, if I'm completely honest, I'd think - well they might have it too!!! Happy days. Sorry that sounds so bad - but in my defence we have all said that deedeedee's story was fab!!!! (Under another topic).

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BUT, if you disclose your status first then does this not avoid any dilemma?

Do you mean revealing your HSV+ status before they get tested? Or before they reveal to you their own test results?

The point would be for them to find out their own HSV+ status before they get a chance to reject you. Test results would be revealed to each other at the same time, so they wouldn't find out that you were HSV+ until after they found out that they were HSV+.

I know this sounds a bit manipulative. I'm not sure if it would generate trust issues if they later found out that you knew all along that you were HSV+. But then again they didn't know all along that they were HSV+ so it goes both ways and the more responsible thing is to get tested anyway. So far I am ok with it unless someone points out a moral issue that I am missing.

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I know what you're saying but I just think the truth really is the way to go.

Otherwise it gets all too complicated.

And in any case my test results are still valid, neither myself nor partner have had sex with anyone else so as far as I'm concerned I would have no intention of having more tests - for women these really are fairly horrible.

I think there IS a moral issue. They're getting tested possibly with the hope that neither of you have anything. Also, they're getting tested because they like someone who they've assumed to be honest. Also, YOU may think everyone getting tested is a good thing but others may not - well obvioulsy not because most peoole don't get tested, so perhaps you're influencing them by your own views when really they only know half the story.

When you get the results you will then have to act shocked, ignorant about the virus and so on. I just couldn't do it. Don't make something complex, even more complex.

But the bit about them getting tested - I'm all for that!

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You brought up some good points ttf. It's too complicated and a bit misleading.

If the desired result is truth, insisting on testing would bring truth (in the form of test results) but you are correct in that the means to that end is not 100% truthful.

Is it right for me to manipulate someone into them knowing their HSV status? Some people might not want to know if they have herpes and that is their right, BUT others exposed do have the right to know if that person has it.

I think you are right. Full disclosure and still insist on full std testing. And then educate them about it, like telling them that most people have HSV.

And the acting thing you brought up. I guess I'd have to act the part... yea that's not quite the right way to get into a relationship. That's not me.

Well you solidified my doubts - the plan's a no go. And I didn't know that tests were so horrible for women. Thanks for the input!

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be honest fomr the start, worked for me, then thiers nuffing that can come back and huant you..

plus, if u really like the girl / boy,, they why start a relasonship based on lies?

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