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d00m kitty

I give up - over being rejected :-(

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d00m kitty

Hi all

I meet guys, give the talk.............then they go cold on me. You're a very nice girl, but.............

I'm so tired of being rejected because of H. For the first time in my life I'm actively trying to seek someone who will be good for me and well it's bloody hopeless!!

I've never really had to deal with rejection before, and this f*cking SUX big time!!!

Over it...

:-(

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tomt

Have you tried waiting longer to tell them? If they want sex with you tell them you need to get to know them better before you do anything, then when you think you can trust them or have a better idea of what kind of person they are then tell them.

Be more judgemental of guys, treat it like screening them to see if they are worth your time and are right for you.

This will probably send them wild to because you won't be a push over they'll have to step up and show you what kind of person they are.

Don't get connected to the outcome either if they reject you, fine it's not meant to be and they were not good for you anyway if they can't accept it.

It kind of reminds me of being a man and trying to chat to women, if you're focussed on getting the girl then most women can tell you're kind of desparate but if you are not attached to the outcome and think if it happens then great but I won't let it get me down, control me or be the be all and end all if it doesn't. It's kind of a paradox but if you can become a person who goes for opportunities but doesn't get hung up on the final result if it's failure then it's a very attractive trait.

Maybe don't go seeking guys but if they come along don't resist it, just screen them and double check they are ok. If they do reject you then fine it doesn't reflect on you as a person it is just because they can't handle a minor virus that has social stigma attached to it. If someone can handle it and see past it then they are more likely to have a strong sense of self and not be swayed by populist opinions.

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d00m kitty

thanks for your response tomt

I got a bit caught out with the lastest guy as I do prefer to wait until at least 1 face to face meeting. I told him over the phone only because he lived in an area where I'd gone out with another guy, and I didn't want the situation where perhaps they were best friends. The joys of living in an isolated area. And, whilst I was at it I told him about H. So, it all just came out.

I'm not a person to string someone along either. I think that's cruel to see someone for a while and then to tell them?

I don't know, I just give up.

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Jaye

Hey Doom,

I agree with Tomt, start screening your men a little and wait it out longer for the talk maybe.

Also, think of it in a more positive light, these guys; the ones that don't understand and aren't willing to understand aren't good enough for you in the first place. If a man can't see past a little thing like herpes, then he truly isn't worth your time.

Another possibility is they may not be educated about the subject, as most people in society are too caught up in the stigma of the virus. Learn more about the virus, be able to supply some facts to the men you're interested in. I know the first time I gave "the talk" I made sure that he fully understood what herpes was, and what I was doing to live a successful life with it (suppressive therapy). When a guy worth your time comes along, and you tell him that you have herpes, he will understand. Please hang in there and be responsible! :)

Xo Jaye

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d00m kitty

Hi Jaye

I've had GHSV2 for over 2 years now. And I've had to come with terms with it, and I've had to give the talk several times during those years. I think it's because I am now actively pursuing Mr Right rather than Mr Right Now that I'm having THE problems!! When I wasn't so fussy, nor were they?

Apparently I should be talking to this guy tonight as I sent him a text ending it, saying I wasn't hanging around where I wasn't wanted. I'm not sure anything can be achieved now. I'm deeply hurt.

He was comparing H to AIDS, as if there's any comparison to be made? I've already told him that coldsores are the oral form of H and how people are not rejected the same way as someone is with it genitally.

Anyhow, it's not up to me to twist his arm into seeing the light!! So, if it's doing his head in, so be it, he's doing mine in.

And, seriously, this will be it. I'm not going through this BS again.

:-(

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tomt

So that's it you just give up and let this minor virus beat you?

The guy you told seems like a douche if he thinks H is like Aids so it looks like that's no big loss and certainly wasn't mr right.

I got a bit caught out with the lastest guy as I do prefer to wait until at least 1 face to face meeting

Really? Just one face to face meeting?

I didn't tell my girlfriend until I knew something physical might happen, she didn't tell me I was stringing her along she was really supportive. If you see a guy and tell him the first time you meet him face to face then how do you know it would even get to a physical stage? He or you could have not wanted it to get any further than that.

I think if that's what you're doing they barely have any time to get to know you.

I don't think it's stringing someone along if you tell them you want to take your time and get to know the real you and if they accept the real you then they'll accept H when you tell them.

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d00m kitty

hi tomt

I usually spends hours online and the phone chatting before a face to face meeting. All the guys I've told have said they were glad I told them when I did. And I suppose, I can turn it all around too, I'm saving myself time, telling them sooner rather than later. If they're going to reject me, better they do so before I fall in love with them?

Personally I don't think there's a TRUE right or wrong time to declare one's status.

You're a guy telling females. I'm a female telling guys. That in itself is a difference.

They either like me or they don't. It shouldn't take 6 months to find out whether someone is going to be good for you or not?

Anyhow, this has been my pattern and it isn't changing. It's probably 50/50 how they react. It's just I'm having a bad run at the moment. I reckon this is because I'm trying to raise my standards.

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LifeGetsBetter87

tomt has a point, I got rejected like you before telling guys early. The only time I didn't get a rejection was because the guy I dated was a friend of mines for over a few years. It didn't bother him because he cared about me (the relationship fizzled out for non-herpes reasons). Moving along, I would wait to let someone get to know you more. You don't have to wait until you fall in love, at least until you get a sense this is someone you want to get to know more. Telling someone early doesn't give them the option to see if your worth pursuing or not. It just gives some men (not all) the green light to run away from you. If you want to tell people early that is fine, but by your initial post that isn't working. I would trying waiting, starting off slow as friends and letting it progress and once you know this is someone you want to be serious with, then disclose.

Don't give up, I hope you find the right man for you soon. :D

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d00m kitty
tomt has a point, I got rejected like you before telling guys early. The only time I didn't get a rejection was because the guy I dated was a friend of mines for over a few years. It didn't bother him because he cared about me (the relationship fizzled out for non-herpes reasons). Moving along, I would wait to let someone get to know you more. You don't have to wait until you fall in love, at least until you get a sense this is someone you want to get to know more. Telling someone early doesn't give them the option to see if your worth pursuing or not. It just gives some men (not all) the green light to run away from you. If you want to tell people early that is fine, but by your initial post that isn't working. I would trying waiting, starting off slow as friends and letting it progress and once you know this is someone you want to be serious with, then disclose.

Don't give up, I hope you find the right man for you soon. :D

Thanks living alone, I do wait until the relationship has potential to be more. Gosh if I told absolutely every guy I chatted to I would have told 100 by now. But, there's no way I will lead someone on for say a month or more? I don't think that's right nor fair.

Am chatting to a nice guy at the moment.............it's going nice & slow, so that's good.

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