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Life As I Know It

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Hello all,

First off, I would like to thank anyone who has ever given advice or supportive feedback in this forum. Seeing that this website existed immediately instilled me with a sense of hope. Here is my story. I would greatly appreciate any advice or feedback. :)

I am currently a 19-year-old college student with big plans for my future. Coming into college, I was in love with my high school boyfriend of three years.We both took sex very seriously and waited over a year before we had intercourse. We were each others' first and only. Like many new college students, however, we broke things off due to distance.

When we decided to end things this past March, I was devastated. I made a reckless, drunken decision and ended up having oral sex with one of my female friends that I had just recently met. After spending more time with this "friend", we started to date. I was originally very uncomfortable with the novelty of being in a homosexual relationship, but she made me so happy that I ignored these feelings.

In June, right after she left to return home (to the east coast... I live in California) I experienced my first genital herpes breakout. After visiting a doctor and doing a fair amount of research, I called to break the news to her. We both remained relatively calm about the situation, and assured each other that nothing would change. We had previously decided to not be exclusively together before this news, but it was then clear to me that I would not be meeting anyone that summer.

We have been together since March, but our relationship is very different from what it used to be. She graduated from college this past year, and I have two years left. She has a full time job, and I am a very committed full time student. I was supposed to go home with her this Christmas to meet her family, but recently our personalities have clashed more frequently than our schedules, and it is possible that things may be coming to an end. I have also recently developed strong feelings for someone else.

All of my friends have noticed that I am not happy in this relationship, and even I would advise myself to end things. My only problem in doing so is having herpes. At the risk of sounding cocky, I will say that I am attractive and intelligent, and I have no problem finding relationships. I want nothing more than to date around and experience "college life", but I am afraid. I haven't told any of my friends about my condition.

I would never wish this disease on anyone. I just want to be normal. I want to act like a 19-year-old college student. I want to be carefree and stress-free like my friends are. I can't help but feel regretful and disgusting.

The safe thing to do is to stay in my current relationship, with someone who accepts myself and my herpes, although I can't help but want to date and -okay, I'll say it- hook up with other people. :embarassed:

Thank you in advance for your support. I know that herpes is just a virus and does not define who I am, but I can't help but let it affect my decisions. Life is a beautiful thing, and the last thing I will do is take it for granted. I know I will be okay no matter what happens (even single :p), largely in part to support forums such as this one. It took a while, but I have reached a point of acceptance with herpes, and now I just need to figure out how to act on it.

I hope everyone else can find this peace within themselves. You deserve it.


Starships1 :wavey:

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Dear Starships,

I am so glad you joined our forum. Stay here with us, okay? You will get so much support! :) About your current relationship-if its coming to an end and that's what you truly want, please end it. You need to be happy. You sound like a wonderful person, full of life and goals. I believe that you will work harder and be happier if you are not in a relationship in which you are not happy.

As for staying in the relationship just because your current partner accepts it and you-don't. Especially if you ave strong feelings for someone else. I think that you will find that future partners will be more understanding than you think, as long as you are up-front and honest with them and let them make the choice to be with you. Arm yourself with information that you can share with your partners, and always practice safe sex. You deserve to have a wonderful sex life as part of who you are as a person-just be honest and careful at all times. I, too, wanted to stay in a relationship with the first person I was with since my diagnosis. I was scared that no one else would love me and accept me. I was wrong. I met another person, was honest with him, practiced safe sex, and everything has been okay. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

I hope you find peace and happiness, maybe with that new person you have strong feelings for. :)

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