Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
babydee

Lost Virginity; Gained Broken Heart and Herpes. Feedback desperately needed.

Recommended Posts

babydee

About three years ago I fell for someone I thought I could trust and would be with long term; maybe not forever, but for a couple or so years. I came to find out he was not who he seemed to be. He gave me herpes the first time we had intercourse and when I confronted him, he told me he was sorry and didn't know. Come to find out, a friend of ours contracted it from him a few months prior. He lied to me and everyone else and refused to talk to me. Ever since I'm unable to be with anyone else. I'm broken hearted, alone, and can't seem to let it go. Especially around the anniversary which is about a week away. I can't help but be depressed and feel worthless. Does this ever end? How did you cope? Does anyone have a similar situation? How do I move on? Please help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
lovelyoptimistic

Hello! My story is not the exact situation because I was not a virgin when I contracted this. However, I had just ended an almost 7 year relationship with my ex who was my first everything. The next guy I slept with was someone I thought I could trust, a friend/associate I'd known for a while, but I didn't really think he'd be the "love of my life". He actually pressured me into having sex, and I gave in. He knew he had it, and I am completely heart-broken now. He still has yet to apologize. I've tried to be the bigger person because I hate holding grudges. We've kept in contact, and he'll talk about EVERYTHING but the hsv. As soon as I bring it up and ask why he didn't tell me and for him to actually admit he knew, he'll vanish for like 3 months...then will text me acting like everything is cool -__-. I'm so glad I have allowed myself to forgive him, because the anger I originally felt had me extremely depressed. It'll be a year in jan. I sometimes think I have a grasp on it, but then I have horrible weeks. This past week was one of them. I laid in bed for 2 complete days when I was off of work. I don't know how to overcome this. But my really good days are great! I'd say start first by letting go of the anger. And if you are a believer, realize God would never put more on you than you can handle. I've also tried to find hobbies and really focus on me. I'm back in school, learning the guitar, creating a business plan, and consistently volunteer. It's hard. But I have definitely come a long way from crying eveyrday. Wish you the best!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MsLucy

Anger and/or remorse over things that happened in the past are a waste of time and energy. No matter how much you may wish you could, you cannot change one moment of the past. You can't change a word that was said, a trust that was misplaced, an action (however unwise) that was taken. Nor can you change what was done to you by others.

You can, however, choose whether to carry it with you like a rock around your neck (which is totally pointless), or lay it down and walk away free of the weight of it, but wiser and stronger for the experience.

People will disappoint you in life. That's a fact. And, ironically, the people who have the most power to hurt you are the people you care most about. That's not an excuse to close your heart and keep everyone at arm's length, but it is a reason not to expect everyone (or even many) to live up to your expectations. Trust is not a gift you simply bestow on someone. It must be earned.

Your hurt will heal, but like lovelyoptimistic said, it will heal quicker if you stop dwelling on it, and focus your attention on something else. Do something to distract and improve yourself. You cannot see the horizon if your eyes are looking down at where your feet are planted in the ground.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Acesheart

MsLucy hits a home run. She is exactly right :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
saturn

I know how you feel. I fell for the guy who gave me the gift 3 yrs ago even today. I thought he was a good fren, and trusted him. He hardly even acknowledges me now & come to find out he is the office whore trying to sleep with everyone. Yes we work together & itt is pure hell being in the same building with him. I'm working on letting it go, but it has not been easy. I'm trying to find a new job.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
HelloSunshine

I can relate. My ex gave me herpes. He was and still is the only man I have ever been with. I needed his support but he left and has ignored my messages ever since.

I don't know how he can live with himself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mellisuga

HelloSunshine and babydee - that's my situation in a nutshell. First boyfriend, gave him way too much - and he gave me herpes. He left me less than a month after. He had nothing to say but "sorry - I didn't know". We're not talking anymore. It hurts so much.

I want to let it all go, I really do. I'm tired of this shadow of myself - he's out there, living his dream. I WANT to get out there too. I just feel gutted and I don't know what to do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
package deal 1957
About three years ago I fell for someone I thought I could trust and would be with long term; maybe not forever, but for a couple or so years. I came to find out he was not who he seemed to be. He gave me herpes the first time we had intercourse and when I confronted him, he told me he was sorry and didn't know. Come to find out, a friend of ours contracted it from him a few months prior. He lied to me and everyone else and refused to talk to me. Ever since I'm unable to be with anyone else. I'm broken hearted, alone, and can't seem to let it go. Especially around the anniversary which is about a week away. I can't help but be depressed and feel worthless. Does this ever end? How did you cope? Does anyone have a similar situation? How do I move on? Please help.

yep I did. My ex bf knew he had it just lied and did not tell me until I contacted it . the only difference was when I complained to him about pain he then confessed it to me and it was me who did not talk to him.

no it never ends as there no cure but the ob should lessen between ob and if you have frequent ob there are meds to surpress it

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mellisuga

Babydee, I think the moral of the story is to forgive yourself first, and make a point everyday to laugh!! Everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect. I'm going through the same bad feelings... - I understand that you can't simply tell someone "let it go", because the brain doesn't work that way. You need time to process things. I have my good days and bad days, but I have a new strategy I am trying out...

First, if you ever think a bad thought, don't tell yourself "let it go"...grab that thought and throw it away! It feels a lot better to be "doing" something about the situation.

Take 10 minutes out of every day when you feel overwhelmed and medidate. It might be better to meditate even when you're not feeling so bad either. Closing your eyes and listening to rain might help just in getting out of yourself for a bit.

Finally, I've picked a very funny show I enjoy watching, and I have set aside 20-30 minutes to watch it each day. Make sure you find something interesting that will make you laugh, and watch it!

I hope those tips help! I think one of the most devestating things about herpes, besides being an STD and incurable, is that most people in this situation feel like they've lost all control of their body, their lives, because of this. Like I mentioned earlier, "it feels a lot better to be doing something". Give yourself a purpose! Another way I'll take back control, is that I plan on starting on Lysine supplements. We'll see how that goes.

If you are worried about how you feel and cannot find a way to change things for the better, don't be afraid to seek out counselling or a support group. There's no shame in asking for help, and you're not alone. :) :hugs:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mySilverlining

*hugs!!!* I think it will get better for you but you have to learn to let go and forgive, not necessarily the ex, but forgive yourself! There was no way you could have known, and you are not at fault for this. You are still the same as you were before you caught this virus, you deserve happiness, love and everything else good in this world. You are not a bad person, you just fell victim to something that happens to a lot of people, so know you're not alone. :) You can become stronger because of this, and sympathetic to people who are going through this as well. Having something like this has opened my eyes to all kinds of people and their struggles, and I am thankful all I have is this annoying virus. You are still YOU, you are not damaged or broken.

Take time to treat your body better, this virus is a good excuse to really get in tune with your body. There are ways to manage H, just try and remain positive and do things that make you happy. Treat yourself to special things more, you deserve it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Alysa1980

Wat goes around comes around for ppl who know they have H n don't let others know. They will end up losing something bigger as I strongly believe in that.

I got H from my husband. Am I angry? Yea I'm furious! Is there anything I can do about it. No!

All I can do is be strong n get on with life as there's more to life than wasting time n energy over something or someone who is out of ur control. Accept you have it n try n move forward! First lesson to myself!! I need to accept it as I've not been coping! I guess shit happens!

Knowing there's plenty ppl out who actually understand that's a big plus for me! I felt lonely n empty n depressed. Hopefully in time in supporting each other we will learn to move up n forward!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      68,578
    • Total Posts
      458,209
  • Posts

    • Optimistic46
      Diagnosed a year ago. Tried suppression therapy to no avail. Dr prescribed 500mg Valtrex increased to 1000g no help. Two HIV test negative. The worst experience ever. Tried oil of oregano, olive leaf extract, lysine, Multi vitamin. Just read because I’m peri menopausal it might be hormones. Outbreaks are constant hsv 2.  If anyone can can relate, I’m pleading for insight.
    • Superman1027
      Hi walkthetalk can you please give us more details about your experience with synergy as for how long you been in it, you mention you didn’t get outbreaks do you still feel the flares etc, are you planing to get retested?
    • WilsoInAus
      The medications are mainly based on disrupting replication. I am not aware of medications for herpes with the purpose of reducing antibodies directly. Do you have an example?
    • Tone123
      I've been reading up on alot of this and I'm just curious about the meds they offer here. They stop it from replicating and others keep the antibodies down. Just a thought and I'd appreciate any input on this. Wouldn't you much rather have high antibodies for this so the immune system can keep it at bay. Or am I all the way off?
    • tayelle
      Why do you say Lemon balm salve is dangerous?  Its been a godsend
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.