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Mouse1892

online dating: "talk" before meet?

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Mouse1892

Most of the dating I've ever done is online. I feel like I can get to know a person a lil easier before we add the on person awkwardness lol most of the threads I've read say to usually wait till physical events are on the horizon. But I almost feel someone may think its a waste of actually meeting someone if u wait and they reject u. So my question is should they be told before the meet or wait until u have that first in person experience under ur belt before u talk?

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hatsu

I would rather tell that person face to face, than saying something like that over the internet. but then again, that's my lack of trust in anyone. you just never know who else might be reading it, besides the person you're seeing.

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LifeGetsBetter87

Using my personal experience, I had the talk with someone I met on-line fairly early and it didn't work out so well. I cannot say that will definitely happen for you; however, I think investing time by meeting and getting to know one another is probably more beneficial than outright telling the individual so early. I had the same mentality a few odd years ago, but once I spoke with my best friend and thought about it I saw my error. By waiting and disclosing; once you feel you've reached a certain level where you know this person is worth even dating, I would have the talk. Once you inform the individual they'll be more inclined to weigh out their options and not let the thought of herpes overshadow the wonderful person you are. I am in no way saying doing this will yield positive results; however I have had one rejection (on-line) and one non-rejection from a guy I knew for 5 years who didn't care because he cared about me (that ended quickly for other non-herpes reasons). Good luck and I hope you find the love you truly deserve.

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rotn0ne1

I also never know when it's a good idea to tell..

I have asked numerous guy friends. All have answered the same way, WAIT.

Whether it be online, or someone you meet at a bar, or however people meet besides a computer. lol.

I personally feel like if I wait, I am trapping them. That I was somehow dishonest about who I am. But, like Living Alone11 said, it gives them an idea of who you truly are, and if they like you for you. If we out ourselves so quickly, we may be selling ourselves short. My biggest downfall is that, I don't know who I am anymore without the label, so I instantly tell it to people.. I define myself by this. I do believe that waiting is a good idea. You may just meet someone at the grocery store.. I like that better than a bar. lol. And you go out on a few dates, and it doesn't work for non related H reasons.. We woul'ved outted ourselves for what? Because sadly, that person had no reason to know our deepest secret, because it was never going to go to an intimate level. I ponder this myself. I give the advice, but I have to learn to take it.

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Koiminxx

Livingalone has a point. There is no one way to disclose. I've disclosed twice after diagnosis. One was face to face on the first date. The second was via online. Both guys took it well. Then there was an ex bf that I disclosed over the phone, he rejected me. People go through it differently. There are horror stories of rejection left and right no matter when and how its told. There are fairy tale success stories. But is there a manual or standard protocol for online dating disclosure NOPE! I'm in the same boat, I may continue online dating once I feel more comfortable with my situation. I'm not a fan of having "the talk" because if I try to wait, I too feel the same. Like I've deceived them. If I tell them in the beginning there's a chance it'll end before it even starts. Its never the end of the world when we experience rejection but it is a bitch.

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tomt

I wouldn't bother until you've met, I've talked to people on the net then met them and they've been totally different to how I expected. Also you're probably not going to leap right into bed with them when you first meet them.

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rotn0ne1

plus, on the Internet, as someone else said, you don't know who you're really talking to. anyone seen Catfish? SCARY stuff.

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