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hellonearth

The BIG question...

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hellonearth

Ok, here it goes....You guys I am petrified of anyone ever finding this out about me. It scares me beyond measure to think that my positive H results are somewhere out in the world with my name next to it. With that being said, I now hate my name (as insane as that may sound, it is what it is)...But I just want to know if any of you all have ever confronted the person(s) who you think could have given this to you, and how did it turn out?. I'm in a crazy situation because I simply don't know who exactly gave it to me (my Dr. said' it's no way anyone could know how long they've had it for sure). Not to say that I HAD sex with so many guys without a condom, but things have happened in the past (I'm only human and when I love I love hard sometimes)....and as I'm researching this horrible death sentence daily, hourly, I've learned that this mess can stay dormant for yeeeeeears! (So I could have contracted it along the way somewhere, but who’s to say when!!!) So if I confront this one dude and he says, "I don't have it"...then I'm further in hell...and if I ask someone else and he says, "well you didn't get it from me"...then what (beneath the pits of hell)? I feel it's a lose-lose situation. Please don't judge me, for I already feel like s#*t and one of the dumbest people in the world. Everything is ridiculous right now. Yesterday my Grandma asked me a question, "What do you want me to get you?" I replied, "A new life"...she looked at me crazy and said, "Well that's not going to happen"…I fell to the floor screaming "JESUS TAKE ME NOW!!!!"...and yeah I'm chuckling just a little now, but my Grandma was taken aback and was like "you NEVER ACT LIKE THAT!!! What is WRONG”?...(side-bar)

I said all that to say--- I'm lost guys, I'm emotional and I have no one to tell this to except for a blog. Please pray for me, I pray all the time now for us (every other 5 minutes literally). My sister even asked me if I was talking to myself in church today because I was praying so much. I'm literally going crazy. **But forgive me for all the extra info...just answer my initial question please, I was worded and needed to vent, apologies!

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Ray0

First of all you are not a terrible person!!

You are one of millions of people that have this commom virus that, does NOT

Conflicts with our healthy lives!

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_and_self_esteem.htm

Second, did you get tested?? You say something about being positive but did you

Actuallu get tested? Its genital or oral?

Well let me tell you this, this virus could say dormant for

Many years! If you got tested after exposure

Maybe there could be a couple of hints that could say if it

Was recent or and old infection.

BUT your doctor is correct its difficult to pin point who gave you this..

But the most important thing is to learn more about this and deal with

You right now.

I know its hard to deal with it at first, but remember this is like a normal

Common flur or cold, you will get every now and then..

So dont worry! Stop stressing this will only affect you!!

Go to the chat, you could talk with many people that want to help and

Ask questions to those who are experincing the same as you..

If you ever need anything you are in the right place!!

Take Care

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Acesheart
Ok, here it goes....You guys I am petrified of anyone ever finding this out about me. It scares me beyond measure to think that my positive H results are somewhere out in the world with my name next to it. With that being said, I now hate my name (as insane as that may sound, it is what it is)...But I just want to know if any of you all have ever confronted the person(s) who you think could have given this to you, and how did it turn out?. I'm in a crazy situation because I simply don't know who exactly gave it to me (my Dr. said' it's no way anyone could know how long they've had it for sure). Not to say that I HAD sex with so many guys without a condom, but things have happened in the past (I'm only human and when I love I love hard sometimes)....and as I'm researching this horrible death sentence daily, hourly, I've learned that this mess can stay dormant for yeeeeeears! (So I could have contracted it along the way somewhere, but who’s to say when!!!) So if I confront this one dude and he says, "I don't have it"...then I'm further in hell...and if I ask someone else and he says, "well you didn't get it from me"...then what (beneath the pits of hell)? I feel it's a lose-lose situation. Please don't judge me, for I already feel like s#*t and one of the dumbest people in the world. Everything is ridiculous right now. Yesterday my Grandma asked me a question, "What do you want me to get you?" I replied, "A new life"...she looked at me crazy and said, "Well that's not going to happen"…I fell to the floor screaming "JESUS TAKE ME NOW!!!!"...and yeah I'm chuckling just a little now, but my Grandma was taken aback and was like "you NEVER ACT LIKE THAT!!! What is WRONG”?...(side-bar)

I said all that to say--- I'm lost guys, I'm emotional and I have no one to tell this to except for a blog. Please pray for me, I pray all the time now for us (every other 5 minutes literally). My sister even asked me if I was talking to myself in church today because I was praying so much. I'm literally going crazy. **But forgive me for all the extra info...just answer my initial question please, I was worded and needed to vent, apologies!

Hey earth welcome. I am so sorry you are in such emotional pain honey. I was newly married when I got my h. My ex outted me, but not himself, and at first it bothered me. Then you know, I thought so what, they all know, so I denied it. I did the same thing he did to me. He got all the friends, his family and I got divorced. It doesn't matter what others think of you, what's important is what you think of you. If you love yourself and you trust yourself , that's all that matters. It took me two years to get myself straight, I had other emotional baggages, after that I let someone into my heart. He had been with me for two years, just friends. Nothing sexual, just comforts and many movies, meals and talks. All my high.and low moments as well. After I got me straight, everything else made sense. It had.a place in my life. I found me! I was always there, I just was paranoid Everyone knew! It didn't matter, it just didn't seem to matter, or make a big difference. I was trying to get healthy, the ex wanted to hurt me, he did, as long as I gave him the power to. I took it back. It took time , but I know you can too. Take care and go easy on yourself. Treat yourself good. Love you, and who you are. We are here if you need to vent or purge these emotions out. Hugs, message me anytime. Take care, Ace :hithere:

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