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trilingualgirl

It's getting better...

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trilingualgirl

The last few posts I've seen have been getting me down, so I'd thought I'd share my positive story.

I'm only a couple months in of KNOWING about my status. The blood test blind-sighted me completely. First thoughts: well, I'm never going to have a boyfriend again, I'll never get married or have kids, no one will love me, etc etc...I didn't leave my house, or my bed, and I just aimlessly watched tv while pigging out on Ben and Jerry's.

Then, I left to go abroad, cried almost every night the first two weeks I was there. Slowly stopped crying. Then, two months in I meet a guy. Thought he was only interested in one thing so I told him pretty much off the bat that I had herpes. He told me he'd still keep flirting with me.

A month later we're in a friends-with-benefits relationship, that may or may not become something serious. We don't feel the need to rush anything. We're only using condoms, although I'd like to get on medication here. Whenever I bring up all the confidence issues I have about my condition, he tells me I'm attractive, physically and mentally, and that he likes getting to know me more. And so I'm trying really hard to believe him, to build up my confidence again. Because if HE can see it, why can't I?

The friends I've told have been super supportive and wonderful, and it's nice knowing they don't see me as anything less either. If THEY still see me the way they do, why can't I?

Yes, it's hard at first, and I'm still having a rough time with it. But it's also getting a lot better. Healing is a process. I'm trying to go back to the girl who didn't give a sh** what someone thought of her, who was confident and bubbly and happy. I will be her again. These feelings of emptiness and numbness will leave me, and they will leave you too. And there are awesome, open-minded people out there just waiting to surprise you, if you give them the chance to!

"If you never ask, the answer is always no"

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MissHope

Well done you - it sounds like you have come a long, long way and you should be really proud of yourself. I'm pretty sure we've all been there in the beginning, thinking that our lives were over and that the future was bleak, but hey - it takes work and guts to get out of the funk, and you've done it.

And don't be too hard on yourself for not being perfect just yet - you have all the time in the world to get to where you want to be, so just enjoy your man and your relationship and have faith that this is the right thing to be happening for you at this time.

And I'm sure you will one day look back and realise that you are actually already the girl you want to be - you got there without realising.

Thanks for sharing your story - I 'm sure it will give hope to some of our other newbies.

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