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It's getting better...

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The last few posts I've seen have been getting me down, so I'd thought I'd share my positive story.

I'm only a couple months in of KNOWING about my status. The blood test blind-sighted me completely. First thoughts: well, I'm never going to have a boyfriend again, I'll never get married or have kids, no one will love me, etc etc...I didn't leave my house, or my bed, and I just aimlessly watched tv while pigging out on Ben and Jerry's.

Then, I left to go abroad, cried almost every night the first two weeks I was there. Slowly stopped crying. Then, two months in I meet a guy. Thought he was only interested in one thing so I told him pretty much off the bat that I had herpes. He told me he'd still keep flirting with me.

A month later we're in a friends-with-benefits relationship, that may or may not become something serious. We don't feel the need to rush anything. We're only using condoms, although I'd like to get on medication here. Whenever I bring up all the confidence issues I have about my condition, he tells me I'm attractive, physically and mentally, and that he likes getting to know me more. And so I'm trying really hard to believe him, to build up my confidence again. Because if HE can see it, why can't I?

The friends I've told have been super supportive and wonderful, and it's nice knowing they don't see me as anything less either. If THEY still see me the way they do, why can't I?

Yes, it's hard at first, and I'm still having a rough time with it. But it's also getting a lot better. Healing is a process. I'm trying to go back to the girl who didn't give a sh** what someone thought of her, who was confident and bubbly and happy. I will be her again. These feelings of emptiness and numbness will leave me, and they will leave you too. And there are awesome, open-minded people out there just waiting to surprise you, if you give them the chance to!

"If you never ask, the answer is always no"

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Well done you - it sounds like you have come a long, long way and you should be really proud of yourself. I'm pretty sure we've all been there in the beginning, thinking that our lives were over and that the future was bleak, but hey - it takes work and guts to get out of the funk, and you've done it.

And don't be too hard on yourself for not being perfect just yet - you have all the time in the world to get to where you want to be, so just enjoy your man and your relationship and have faith that this is the right thing to be happening for you at this time.

And I'm sure you will one day look back and realise that you are actually already the girl you want to be - you got there without realising.

Thanks for sharing your story - I 'm sure it will give hope to some of our other newbies.

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  • The Hive is Thriving!

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  • Posts

    • dont quit!17
      Doesn't this suck. Using protection and still catching this BS. Uggh, my life story!!
    • Voyager2
      I think Dr. Jerome is just being cautious. I've followed what he's done and have 100% confidence in him. Predicting the exact number of years to a cure would be hard, but their last article about HSV makes me think it can't be too far off. 
    • Leemell48
      Did you ever find out if this was herpes or not?
    • WilsoInAus
      @GotMeAtLast I doubt the doctor actually told you that, that doesn’t explain why you kept coming here looking for validation.  By your own admission, you have had oral HSV-1 for years. Further you have never swabbed positive from your genital region. Everyone is allowed to form their own conclusions on the basis of that truth. If you wish to conclude you have genital herpes, that’s OK. If I want to conclude you don’t, that’s OK.
    • Leemell48
      It's been five months since possible exposure and keep having symptoms. I keep experiencing thigh and pelvic pain and thick discharge. Also get shooting pains vaginally and on my butt. I just saw a small white bump inside my labia and next to it is a small open sore. They don't hurt when touched but the rest of my vagina hurts when touched or sitting. Does any of this sound like anyone's ob? I got tested in October but I'm scared I tested too early and now having trouble getting a doctor to retest me  

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