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trying to keep my chin up


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Hello everyone,

I have not been officially diagnosed, but I'm 99% sure that I have HSV2. I plan on making it official this week.

This is the first time I've ever had a breakout and I'm still at the point where I wake up in the morning hoping it is some bad dream, but unfortunately it's real. I'm so bummed and I think this is the most upset I've been about something that I can remember. This is so tough for me to accept because I've always been careful in my sexual practices and choosing my partners. I contracted it while practicing safe sex with somebody I trusted and man, this is one tough pill to swallow. I'm 30 years old and really starting to get to that point where I was feeling like I'm ready to settle down once I find the right person and blamo....this smacks me right in the face. I've been trying to tell myself that it's not the end of the world, it could be worse, and that life will still be good, but damn it's hard to accept.

Everything has been going so well for me. My career is really taking off, I'm making some good friends in a relatively new city, among other things and I've been trying to focus on that, but this is just so damn depressing. I absolutely hate the fact that I have this 'secret' now and that I'm eventually going to have to 'have the talk' with a girl that I care about. So many things have been going through my mind. I was at the Masters yesterday, which is something I've always wanted to do and I couldn't even enjoy it. At one point in time, I was alone and walking around the most beautiful and storied golf course in the world and tears just start streaking down my face. Needless to say, I'm really scared at how this will affect my future relationships. Sigh...

I'm doubly bothered by the fact that I acquired this while having protected sex. Not just the fact that I was practicing responsible sex and acquired the disease, but that if I acquired it that way, what keeps me from passing it on that way? I can't imagine giving this to someone after knowing the pain they would go through. From what I understand after reading this site is that roughly 10% of the time you are contagous. How can I date someone and tell them that they have a 1-in-10 chance of contracting this from me? What a horrible feeling.

I pray that in some way that this is a blessing in disguise and that it leads my life in a direction that has a positive outcome in one way or another, but right now it really is tough to imagine that. Hopefully, one day I'll be able to look back and see the silver lining.

I do want to thank those involved with starting, maintaining, and contributing to this website. It has really helped me to understand this disease and to know that I'm not alone (although I wish I was because I would never wish this on anyone). Hopefully, with time, I can become a contributing member as well, but right now I'm just going take for a while. So I thank you for giving. It really helps ease the pain...


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How can I date someone and tell them that they have a 1-in-10 chance of contracting this from me?dac

There's a much better chance than 1-in-10 that they too already have hsv, and there's a 9-in-10 chance that they they aren't aware of it if they do have it. They could infect YOU with a different strain of hsv (or another std) and cause YOU more problems. Just keep this thing in perspective when comparing yourself to others. Most people who have hsv don't know they have it, and most people eventually get it. At least you know you have it (you are getting tested) and will act responsibly with the results. Character and integrity make a person, a disease doesn't.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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