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JustKeepSwimming3

Confused

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JustKeepSwimming3

Okay so my ex-boyfriend, who gave me H, and I broke up in October because he found out I had been cheating on him (not proud of it). Well now we are trying to work things out, but I feel like he keeps making excuses for me to not go see him (he's in a different city). I am starting to wonder if he is pretending like he wants to work things out just so he can hurt me like I hurt him. But I know him so well...we dated for almost two years very seriously...I can't imagine he would ever do something so malicious. I don't know if it's my gut instincts talking or if it's my guilt talking. I don't know what to do. And now my mom is asking me if I am only trying to make things work with him because we both have a virus that is socially unacceptable and I'm afraid to try dating anyone else. I don't think that's what I'm doing. I love him, and I miss him and what we had terribly. But she says I never would have done what I did if I really felt how I say I feel. But my actions really had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me being an asshole...I don't know what to think or do. Ugh.

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hatsu

well, what I'm thinking is that your ex is seeing someone. I can't imagine why he won't let you come and see him, if he doesn't have someone else he's hiding. sometimes it's best to listen to your gut, so thread carefully.

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RealisticGal

Lean Back

I have to wonder about your true "motivation" for the infidelity, JustKeepSwimming.

I don't know your story. I don't know whether or not your ex was aware he had HSV before he gave it to you or not. I don't know whether or not you have directed any anger/blame toward him, even if he didn't know. But I have to wonder about all those things as a possible "reason" for your cheating.

I agree with hatsu that he might possibly be hiding something.

My thought is that it would be a good idea to back off from this attempt to reconcile with him, at least for a while. Get busy doing other stuff. Occupy yourself with your work or studies or hobbies or whatever. Don't be rude, but don't go out of your way to engage him. Don't be the first to contact him. Just lean back and see whether or not he pursues the matter.

I believe if you do that...you will be able to get a sense of where he really stands and what he really wants.

Just a few thoughts...

:wavey:

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JustKeepSwimming3

I don't think he is seeing anyone else. If that were the case, he never would have agreed to talk to me...he would have just kept moving forward without looking back. And he works 12 hour days 6 days a week...and he's not one to go out in his free time...he is a homebody. But of course you never really know, as I've proven with my own actions.

He knew he had it, and he told me the very first night we started seeing each other. He was upfront about it and I always appreciated that. I've never been angry with him about that. His H status never mattered to me, and when I got it, it didn't matter to me either. My love for him overshadowed that completely. My infidelity sparked from him losing his job because he chose a drug over stability...he had to move to a different city and would not stop smoking nor try to get another job back where I live. I was angry at him, not just for being away, but for not making an effort for our future. And so I took solice in the arms of someone who had a steady job and was willing to take care of me. I really am not trying to justify my actions...I know what I did was wrong. I'm just saying...it stemmed from my anger because of that situation, and I acted out in the wrong ways.

If I back off, then he is going to think I'm not trying. I think he is testing to me to see if I will be willing to work things out and make an effort even in the midst of all these obstacles. He also told me that half of him wants to see me but the other half is still so hurt and angry that he is scared to see me because he doesn't know how he will act.

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RealisticGal

Okay, sounds like you have it all figured out, JustKeepSwimming3.

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hatsu

well if you think you know what's going on, then why are you saying you're confused? or is it that you don't have anyone else to talk to about this, so you want to know what anyone thinks? because you sound pretty sure about everything.

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