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DOM 72

Need Advice. The female kind.

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DOM 72

Hello everyone. My girlfriend pretty much just found out today that she has herpes. Well, at least we think so and the doctor was almost sure. We have been dating for a little over 3 months and this is the first outbreak she has ever had. I have never shown signs of herpes and have been tested in the last year for things and the results came back negative. I consider myself fairly responsible. I use condoms (at least until we establish a trust factor etc...) and do not randomly hook up with people. Her test results will not be back until after Xmas so we will not know for sure but I am pretty sure this is what it is. She is a good girl. There is not doubt she has been faithful thus far as well as I have.

I have been reading all night about this and how it effects men and women differently. We have sat down and spoke candidly. We have not placed any blame on each other. We both understand that this is a common, tricky little virus that can get anyone. She was worried about having kids, etc... and we found some good material and articles that put her at ease. She is just depressed and devastated.

I am madly in love with my girlfriend. She was worried that I would leave her and I told her very seriously that I was not going anywhere. She has become everything to me. She is full of life. Always cracking jokes (mostly at me for being old... I am 15 years older than she is. I am 40 and she is 25) a single mom, super attractive, and has a great spirit. I am so worried that this will suck her spirit out of her and change her. I know it has only been a few hours, but I am asking advice about what can I do to help her? I honestly could care less about me or if I have it. She asked me what if I dont have it, and if I would leave her and again, I assured her I am not going anywhere. I have waited a long time for someone like her and I am not letting this take her away.

But I need help. I do not want to do or say the wrong thing so other than basic conversation and talking about this, I have only tried to project to her that this will be OK. Its not as bad as it seems, etc.... what can I do to make things normal again? Mostly, how can I help her deal with this. Again, I am more worried about her than me. I am sure I have it too but it doesnt bother me as much as it bothers me seeing her like this.

Thanks for reading and I hope to hear from someone.

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hellomynameis

You sound very supportive and amazing to your significant other. It seems they need you as much as you need them. I think what will help you both out would be to research together on what they have and you might have. It is okay to live smart, which most people forget because they feel to use to be comfortable with their old routines. Even being each others support group and going to the doctors together is grate. The more you both face it head on and being open with each other about it the better. The more the situation is put off and feelings hidden from each other, the harder it is to help one another. If there is a break out it will be hard not to kiss and touch where or around where that area could be, but it is best not to be physical until the break out is gone. It is okay not to always be physical to show affection, sometimes talking and playing games is just as grate. To be a best friends and loved ones is the best. This will be tough in the beginning but the more you both research together and make changes to live smart health wise the better. You will even feel better too. I hope this helped you sort out some of both of your thoughts. Keep strong and stay positive. I hope others can give you comments too since I am a new person to having herpes and still sorting out my depression about it. But as they always say two heads are better than one. Keep up the positive outlook you both. I hope this was of some help.

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DOM 72
You sound very supportive and amazing to your significant other. It seems they need you as much as you need them. I think what will help you both out would be to research together on what they have and you might have. It is okay to live smart, which most people forget because they feel to use to be comfortable with their old routines. Even being each others support group and going to the doctors together is grate. The more you both face it head on and being open with each other about it the better. The more the situation is put off and feelings hidden from each other, the harder it is to help one another. If there is a break out it will be hard not to kiss and touch where or around where that area could be, but it is best not to be physical until the break out is gone. It is okay not to always be physical to show affection, sometimes talking and playing games is just as grate. To be a best friends and loved ones is the best. This will be tough in the beginning but the more you both research together and make changes to live smart health wise the better. You will even feel better too. I hope this helped you sort out some of both of your thoughts. Keep strong and stay positive. I hope others can give you comments too since I am a new person to having herpes and still sorting out my depression about it. But as they always say two heads are better than one. Keep up the positive outlook you both. I hope this was of some help.

Thanks for the reply. That is what I am good at. Staying positive. I may not be good at many things but I am good at that. HA!

And I must assume that I have it as well. I think it would bother me more if I was a single guy. But again, I am more concerned with her well being. And I am also battling with some guilt. I have read enough tonight about that fact that I could have had it all along and never known it. Thats a scary thought to me. I have had 2 partners in the last year. The one before my girlfriend we had unprotected sex all the time. She is a nurse and tested herself regularly and never tested positive. And now, here is my girlfriend with a herpes outbreak. Now, her x husband cheated on her all the time but they havent been together for 2 years. And she was not very sexually active in that time period. Its very perplexing to me. I am almost certain I gave it to her but have never shown one syptom and was even tested in August after the girl I was dating before told me she had unprotected sex with someone else. Still nothing. I feel bad but to this point, she is not pointing the finger at me. Yet. But I doubt she will. She is fairly level headed.

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RealisticGal

Hi MBD1972 ---

So you had been tested, specifically for Herpes simplex in the recent past? Both HSV-I and HSV-II?

:wavey:

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DOM 72
Hi MBD1972 ---

So you had been tested, specifically for Herpes simplex in the recent past? Both HSV-I and HSV-II?

:wavey:

Yes. In August after I finished dating a girl for about 6 weeks and started to hear rumors after the fact about how she gets around, etc. I tested negative then.

I am going Wed. Not much I can do between now and Wed. But I would assume I am positive. Dont know where I would have got it between now and then. But If its the case I feel like I ruined someone's life. And someone I care deeply for at that.

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RealisticGal
Yes. In August after I finished dating a girl for about 6 weeks and started to hear rumors after the fact about how she gets around, etc. I tested negative then.

I am going Wed. Not much I can do between now and Wed. But I would assume I am positive. Dont know where I would have got it between now and then. But If its the case I feel like I ruined someone's life. And someone I care deeply for at that.

If you do test positive now, MBD1972, you can't assume you gave it to her. She could have had it first and given it to you. It is pretty much impossible to be sure about this.

The bottom line, though, is that neither one of you ruined the other person's life. It just takes a bit of time to see that.

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XBananaX

Hi there!

I was just recently diagnosed with HSV (7 days ago actually). My bf gave it to me but we both never knew he had it ...we we do now! The best thing that has helped me get through the week was he constantly reassured me he wasn't leaving me and we still had our future together. As well we are trying to treat this outbreak almost like a cold. I have to take meds, I feel crappy and not into anything sexual...kinda like having a cold. So we cuddle on the couch and try not to focus on the herpes even though its prominent in both of our minds right now.

Also remember that herpes is not a death sentence and after the initial outbreak (so I've heard) it is suppose to get better and manageable.

Keep your chins up!

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DOM 72

Well, I got her some bactine today at a Walgreens that was randomly open and she said it helped a little. She actually made her first joke in 2 days, which was good. But she is still very very down about this. Barely can hold hands with her. I get tested tomorrow morning and I hope her results and mine come back quickly. I feel that we need that to move further. And for her pain and discomfort to stop.

I feel like I am annoying her with all that I have read (Ive probably read 6-7 hours about herpes in the last 2 days) about things to do to help her with pain and discomfort and telling her basic steps to take to help her through this first outbreak and all the pain and emotions. The last thing I want to be is an annoyance. And I kinda feel like I was tonight.

I drove back early from family to see her. We had a good 3 hours then she went to bed and I couldn't even get a kiss. Does anyone have any more advice where she is at? What I should do? I am one of those "fix it" guys I guess you can call it. I know that can be annoying. I bought the bactine, a jug of advil and that diaper rash stuff with tons of zinc in it today and she didn't even thank me. Am I taking this too personally? She has made several comments about how nice it must be to be a guy with herpes because I don't have any signs or have any pain.

Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks and Merry F'ing Xmas. HAHA.

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Acesheart
Hello everyone. My girlfriend pretty much just found out today that she has herpes. Well, at least we think so and the doctor was almost sure. We have been dating for a little over 3 months and this is the first outbreak she has ever had. I have never shown signs of herpes and have been tested in the last year for things and the results came back negative. I consider myself fairly responsible. I use condoms (at least until we establish a trust factor etc...) and do not randomly hook up with people. Her test results will not be back until after Xmas so we will not know for sure but I am pretty sure this is what it is. She is a good girl. There is not doubt she has been faithful thus far as well as I have.

I have been reading all night about this and how it effects men and women differently. We have sat down and spoke candidly. We have not placed any blame on each other. We both understand that this is a common, tricky little virus that can get anyone. She was worried about having kids, etc... and we found some good material and articles that put her at ease. She is just depressed and devastated.

I am madly in love with my girlfriend. She was worried that I would leave her and I told her very seriously that I was not going anywhere. She has become everything to me. She is full of life. Always cracking jokes (mostly at me for being old... I am 15 years older than she is. I am 40 and she is 25) a single mom, super attractive, and has a great spirit. I am so worried that this will suck her spirit out of her and change her. I know it has only been a few hours, but I am asking advice about what can I do to help her? I honestly could care less about me or if I have it. She asked me what if I dont have it, and if I would leave her and again, I assured her I am not going anywhere. I have waited a long time for someone like her and I am not letting this take her away.

But I need help. I do not want to do or say the wrong thing so other than basic conversation and talking about this, I have only tried to project to her that this will be OK. Its not as bad as it seems, etc.... what can I do to make things normal again? Mostly, how can I help her deal with this. Again, I am more worried about her than me. I am sure I have it too but it doesnt bother me as much as it bothers me seeing her like this.

Thanks for reading and I hope to hear from someone.

Hi MBD, welcome to our site :) . I am happy you are there for her, that is most important! I have had ghsv2 for 25 years this months my anniversary. My husband is a non h man for 22 years. The one thing I can tell you is that nomatter what she did or didn't do, chances are she got h from someone way before you and they probably didn't know they had it. 80% of the population has h in one form or another. Most don't properly test with an Igg blood test, so therefore they never know. I have never passed my h and I take antivirals daily. My Vit.b12 complex its a sublingual, I get at walgreens. It help with energy, stresses and nerves health. My stresses are my biggest triggers. I've only had two outbreaks ever. Make sure you let lean and lean hard! I got h from my first husband, only had one other partner before him. My now husband says he wanted me nomatter what. I pushed, he pushed harder, even when I wanted him to run. She may test you, try to see if you will run, if you love her don't fall for it! You two are very lucky to find love, age is just a number. Just be there, some days take the lead, others follow. Whether its all day pity parties, it take out and movies. Get her some Epsom salts, they come in lavender scents works for healing the sores, takes away the soreness and provides aroma therapy. My husband hung on for dear life, I was mad at the ex, the world and at god. I asked the how and why and I just didn't understand, I was newly married, 4 months, and he was cheating. I now have all I never had without h, he has all he says he ever wanted, me ;) . Just be the wonderful man you are and support her, be there for her, allow her to cry when its necessary. Somedays will be better than others. Take each day at a time. Don't treat her any different, just show a little more compassion when she is having an outbreak. I can tell you from experience it will get better. If It's not h good, if it is just love her as you do now. We are not defined by h, we are not h, we just have it. Take care , if you want her to talk to someone, ask her message me here privately. Take care and kudos and hugs to you for being there for her. Y'all can still have sexy times and oral, just not during outbreaks. Also be prepared to accept that you may get h too. That's what my husband does. We have a long running joke that my h loves my body better. Take care. Truly, Ace :hithere:

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DOM 72
Hi MBD, welcome to our site :) . I am happy you are there for her, that is most important! I have had ghsv2 for 25 years this months my anniversary. My husband is a non h man for 22 years. The one thing I can tell you is that nomatter what she did or didn't do, chances are she got h from someone way before you and they probably didn't know they had it. 80% of the population has h in one form or another. Most don't properly test with an Igg blood test, so therefore they never know. I have never passed my h and I take antivirals daily. My Vit.b12 complex its a sublingual, I get at walgreens. It help with energy, stresses and nerves health. My stresses are my biggest triggers. I've only had two outbreaks ever. Make sure you let lean and lean hard! I got h from my first husband, only had one other partner before him. My now husband says he wanted me nomatter what. I pushed, he pushed harder, even when I wanted him to run. She may test you, try to see if you will run, if you love her don't fall for it! You two are very lucky to find love, age is just a number. Just be there, some days take the lead, others follow. Whether its all day pity parties, it take out and movies. Get her some Epsom salts, they come in lavender scents works for healing the sores, takes away the soreness and provides aroma therapy. My husband hung on for dear life, I was mad at the ex, the world and at god. I asked the how and why and I just didn't understand, I was newly married, 4 months, and he was cheating. I now have all I never had without h, he has all he says he ever wanted, me ;) . Just be the wonderful man you are and support her, be there for her, allow her to cry when its necessary. Somedays will be better than others. Take each day at a time. Don't treat her any different, just show a little more compassion when she is having an outbreak. I can tell you from experience it will get better. If It's not h good, if it is just love her as you do now. We are not defined by h, we are not h, we just have it. Take care , if you want her to talk to someone, ask her message me here privately. Take care and kudos and hugs to you for being there for her. Y'all can still have sexy times and oral, just not during outbreaks. Also be prepared to accept that you may get h too. That's what my husband does. We have a long running joke that my h loves my body better. Take care. Truly, Ace :hithere:

Tremendously helpful reply Ace. Thank you. Getting tested myself tomorrow really just to know because weather I have it or not, I am not going anywhere on her. I have done my best to make that crystal clear with her. She is just still in that bad place because its her first. I just dont want to drive her freakin crazy and annoy her. But really, all I want to do is help her with coping. I have read and passed on what I have read to her and she seems annoyed. I bought her stuff to help ease the pain down there and she seemed annoyed. So you are saying to keep it up regardless of how annoyed she may seem with me?

Also. HUGELY encouraging to know you have only had 2 outbreaks. Does taking those anti-virals everyday help minimize the amount of outbreaks? I told her today that I do not care how much it costs to get a drug for this to supress it and mimimize the outbreaks, I will fund it 100%. Is this stuff covered under insurance?

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Acesheart
Tremendously helpful reply Ace. Thank you. Getting tested myself tomorrow really just to know because weather I have it or not, I am not going anywhere on her. I have done my best to make that crystal clear with her. She is just still in that bad place because its her first. I just dont want to drive her freakin crazy and annoy her. But really, all I want to do is help her with coping. I have read and passed on what I have read to her and she seems annoyed. I bought her stuff to help ease the pain down there and she seemed annoyed. So you are saying to keep it up regardless of how annoyed she may seem with me?

Also. HUGELY encouraging to know you have only had 2 outbreaks. Does taking those anti-virals everyday help minimize the amount of outbreaks? I told her today that I do not care how much it costs to get a drug for this to supress it and mimimize the outbreaks, I will fund it 100%. Is this stuff covered under insurance?

Hey its great to know your in for the win :) ! Heck yes, keep being supportive. My husband would bring over food, I stopped eating. He would pick me up from work, I tryed avoiding him, didn't work. He bought movies over, I only went to work and home, I worked two jobs and it was a bitch! Construction by day, bartender by night. He wouldn't let go. He waited two years for me to be ready for sexy times, I felt used, dirty and very unclean. He never saw that when he looked at me. Yes, the antivirals keep shedding down and supress outbreaks and they are coveted by insurance. My first outbreak lasted 4 long Ass months and popped up in my anus, Never had anal sex, not a back door girl. Perfectly good front door to use, just didn't, couldn't let him near me. When we did make love after two years, and a divorce, I was whole again! I was physically and emotionally ready to continue on with life. He proposed. I said yes :) . Years later we had a daughter , now my second best decision I ever made. She won't want to pass, its still a fear for me, but knowing he is prepared, well that makes it a lot easier. After years of nagging, a wifes job, he finally tested several months and he is still non h man. I take generic Valtrex called Valacyclovir. I took acyclovir for the first 16 years, it worked great. New doctor and insurance suggested to try the new meds. Back then the newer meds were not invented :gigglegiggle: , neither was internet. Your doing great. Don't force her to read stuff right now, let this sink in. I didn't have any information. Local library with real books and pages and talks of birds and bees. I'm only 49, but my h isn't an issue with us , never has been. We never gave it controls or powers over our love and our life, we just lived :)

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DOM 72
Hey its great to know your in for the win :) ! Heck yes, keep being supportive. My husband would bring over food, I stopped eating. He would pick me up from work, I tryed avoiding him, didn't work. He bought movies over, I only went to work and home, I worked two jobs and it was a bitch! Construction by day, bartender by night. He wouldn't let go. He waited two years for me to be ready for sexy times, I felt used, dirty and very unclean. He never saw that when he looked at me. Yes, the antivirals keep shedding down and supress outbreaks and they are coveted by insurance. My first outbreak lasted 4 long Ass months and popped up in my anus, Never had anal sex, not a back door girl. Perfectly good front door to use, just didn't, couldn't let him near me. When we did make love after two years, and a divorce, I was whole again! I was physically and emotionally ready to continue on with life. He proposed. I said yes :) . Years later we had a daughter , now my second best decision I ever made. She won't want to pass, its still a fear for me, but knowing he is prepared, well that makes it a lot easier. After years of nagging, a wifes job, he finally tested several months and he is still non h man. I take generic Valtrex called Valacyclovir. I took acyclovir for the first 16 years, it worked great. New doctor and insurance suggested to try the new meds. Back then the newer meds were not invented :gigglegiggle: , neither was internet. Your doing great. Don't force her to read stuff right now, let this sink in. I didn't have any information. Local library with real books and pages and talks of birds and bees. I'm only 49, but my h isn't an issue with us , never has been. We never gave it controls or powers over our love and our life, we just lived :)

Awesome awesome story. Thanks for sharing. It has helped my mind set out tremendously.

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XBananaX
Hey its great to know your in for the win :) ! Heck yes, keep being supportive. My husband would bring over food, I stopped eating. He would pick me up from work, I tryed avoiding him, didn't work. He bought movies over, I only went to work and home, I worked two jobs and it was a bitch! Construction by day, bartender by night. He wouldn't let go. He waited two years for me to be ready for sexy times, I felt used, dirty and very unclean. He never saw that when he looked at me. Yes, the antivirals keep shedding down and supress outbreaks and they are coveted by insurance. My first outbreak lasted 4 long Ass months and popped up in my anus, Never had anal sex, not a back door girl. Perfectly good front door to use, just didn't, couldn't let him near me. When we did make love after two years, and a divorce, I was whole again! I was physically and emotionally ready to continue on with life. He proposed. I said yes :) . Years later we had a daughter , now my second best decision I ever made. She won't want to pass, its still a fear for me, but knowing he is prepared, well that makes it a lot easier. After years of nagging, a wifes job, he finally tested several months and he is still non h man. I take generic Valtrex called Valacyclovir. I took acyclovir for the first 16 years, it worked great. New doctor and insurance suggested to try the new meds. Back then the newer meds were not invented :gigglegiggle: , neither was internet. Your doing great. Don't force her to read stuff right now, let this sink in. I didn't have any information. Local library with real books and pages and talks of birds and bees. I'm only 49, but my h isn't an issue with us , never has been. We never gave it controls or powers over our love and our life, we just lived :)

This was really encouraging to read Ace!! I was just diagnosed recently and it's been a struggle and most of it mental. My boyfriend has been super supportive and treats me no different then before the diagnosis which helps tremendously. Even when I have H all over my face he still calls me beautiful :)

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Acesheart
This was really encouraging to read Ace!! I was just diagnosed recently and it's been a struggle and most of it mental. My boyfriend has been super supportive and treats me no different then before the diagnosis which helps tremendously. Even when I have H all over my face he still calls me beautiful :)

Hey Banana, sweety you are no different ;) . Our society tells us what they feel, but my theory is screw that! They don't pay my bills or live my life, so they don't matter. Your man sounds wonderful!! That is how most partners I speak with here are treated by their mates. I'm very happy for you both. I'm 25 years in now, as of this month, with ghsv2 . If someone would have told me back then how absolutely exciting and blessed my would be in 25 years, I would have never believed. I also disclosed to my daughter about 4 months ago before she started college, she is bisexual and I wanted her educated on herps. You don't have to have sexy times to get herpes. She wasn't taught this in schools. She expressed how very proud of me she is. She posted this site at college and tells her friends all about h, and that her mom is educated on this subject. Her best friend has ohsv1.

Take care and Happy holidays to you both. Hugs, Ace :hithere:

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Acesheart
Awesome awesome story. Thanks for sharing. It has helped my mind set out tremendously.

Hey DOM wonderful to meet you :) . I am very happy this helps, it is what I try to do. I stayed dormant for 23 years with my h. It killed me never having anyone to talk h with. I made my husband promise me, swear , never to talk about my h, he honored my wishes, but it was a huge mistake on my part. :( . I had no idea the effect it would have on me. Noone back then talked of herps, and my ex outted me to EVERYONE OF OUR FRIENDS , he was such a heartless man. My new husband moved me after we married, very new place and new faces. He made new friends and noone knows still where we now live. It's great to have someone to talk h with. It's a godsend to have such a supportive community of herpsters :) . I'm very happy you found us. Take care and have a great holiday season. Hugs, Ace :)

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