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TigerLilly

Disclosing Slightly Too Late

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TigerLilly

I've been seeing this guy for about a month. I've been holding the physical part back because of having herpes. A few days ago we were drunk and things got a bit more intense. We didn't have sex and he didn't go down on me (I have GHSV1) but we were both naked in his bed. There was skin-to-skin contact (ex. spooning or him rubbing his hand on my butt and thighs) and genital-to-genital contact (though no actual sex, just rubbing a bit). So I ended up telling him the next morning when we were cuddling after breakfast. He was not happy. I felt like an asshole for not telling him before.

I tried my best to explain things but I wasn't prepared for this so I was fumbling for words and didn't have my printout of info for him. Pretty much after I told him that he kicked me out of his place in a nice way. He just said it's late so I should go - though granted it was late. I went home, got the printout of info, and dropped it off at his place.

I feel pretty bad but I don't know what I can do. He hasn't contacted me in anyway since then and though I understand he needs time to process things I don't know if he will. Could he have gotten something? I have GHSV1 and take Valtrex daily so it's unlikely but it's never 0% right? Could there be less chance of him getting it because we didn't have full out intercourse? Is there anything I could do to make it better?

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TigerLilly

In retrospect, although I do take Valtrex daily I don't think I took it much this week. This all happened Fri night/Sat morning and the last time I took a Valtrex pill was probably Tues night.

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DreamingLeo
I've been seeing this guy for about a month. I've been holding the physical part back because of having herpes. A few days ago we were drunk and things got a bit more intense. We didn't have sex and he didn't go down on me (I have GHSV1) but we were both naked in his bed. There was skin-to-skin contact (ex. spooning or him rubbing his hand on my butt and thighs) and genital-to-genital contact (though no actual sex, just rubbing a bit). So I ended up telling him the next morning when we were cuddling after breakfast. He was not happy. I felt like an asshole for not telling him before.

I tried my best to explain things but I wasn't prepared for this so I was fumbling for words and didn't have my printout of info for him. Pretty much after I told him that he kicked me out of his place in a nice way. He just said it's late so I should go - though granted it was late. I went home, got the printout of info, and dropped it off at his place.

I feel pretty bad but I don't know what I can do. He hasn't contacted me in anyway since then and though I understand he needs time to process things I don't know if he will. Could he have gotten something? I have GHSV1 and take Valtrex daily so it's unlikely but it's never 0% right? Could there be less chance of him getting it because we didn't have full out intercourse? Is there anything I could do to make it better?

Hi TigerLilly,

I have a story for you that relates to this ... I was in a very similar situation last year with a guy that I had met on match.com. We went out on a couple of dates that went really well, and talked for only a couple of weeks. The third time we were together, we were out with some of my friends and ended up getting drunk together. I invited him back to my apartment where things obviously got hot and heavy really fast. At that point, I had HSV-2 for about six months and had slept with one other guy that I disclosed it to and he was fine. This time was much different though - I had a lot more to drink and was very stupid - I did not disclose it to him and we did have sex. We used a condom, but I woke up in the morning with a massive pit in my stomach, trying to figure out how to tell him. I knew I had to tell him because it was the right thing to do, but I had no idea how he was going to react. :( It was horrible. I felt like the biggest asshole in the world. He actually reacted very calmly, but was shocked and did the "nice" thing and promptly left after my disclosure. He hugged me though and I knew I had to give him time, and thought maybe it would be okay.

I texted him a few days later and I didn't hear back from him until another few days had passed. He said he felt bad about not getting a hold of me, but hoped I was well and did the "polite" thing again. I asked him if he was okay and such and I never heard back from him. It hurt a lot, though I didn't know him well, I thought it might be something that would work out. I knew deep down though this was not a good way to start things and had to prepare myself for the fact that he had a decision to make and it was only fair to him and honest of me to accept whatever he decided. I never found out if he contracted it or not.

From what I've read, it is possible that he could have contracted by the genital-to-genital contact if he rubbed against the infected area. Unless he gets tested, there's no way to know for sure unless he has an outbreak. When I've thought back to other encounters, I could have made myself legally insane trying to figure out how much contact actually occurred and to what extent, so I honestly don't think it is worth worrying about. You told him which was the right thing to do, and now that you've left some information for him it is up to him to decide whether he wants to continue or not. You could try contacting him again to see how he is, but I would make it light and nothing heavy or anything about the H right off the bat.

I see it's been about a week, has anything new happened? I don't know that there is much else to do other than to give it some time and let things settle a bit. You've done all you can and it's a good time to reflect so that you can move forward confidently and more equipped for the next situation! Trust me, I swear I make similar mistakes more than once because the first lesson wasn't hard enough on me ;) So don't be too hard on yourself, crap happens BUT learn from it and become that much stronger for it! Sorry so long - I hope this has helped you. I didn't know anyone else with H when I went through this and my friends didn't know what to tell me. Take care of yourself!! :)

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ohman

well i wouldn't feel too bad... because it doesn't help. People who don't have herpes just automatically assume they would always tell always stop them self from touching another person but its harder than it seems. well don't feel bad you told him and plus he plus he sucks for acting that way.

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RealisticGal

Just a thought --- perhaps avoid drinking alcohol with anyone in the future until after you disclose?

:wavey:

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TigerLilly

Lol. That is good advice RealisticGal but very unlikely to happen.

DreamingLeo, thanks for your story. Odds are he didn't get anything. I have GHSV1 which is less likely to transmit genitally. He's a male which is also less likely to transmit. So with the already low transmission rate it's unlikely he got it but it is still possible. It has been over a week and he hasn't contacted me. I sent him a "Merry Christmas" text and he replied the same but nothing else. I should actually see him around work starting next week so I plan on approaching him there and just asking if he wants to go to a coffee to chat sometime next week.

What I didn't include in that story is that he had broken up with me a few days before and we met up that night to discuss some things so I could have some closure. He said he still wanted to be friends during that time. But that was before I disclosed and maybe that's not true because he hasn't contacted me at all. Since we had broken up already I now wish I hadn't disclosed to him at all. I would really like him to come back to me but I also know it won't happen. I watched some romantic comedies b/c I've been depressed and those movies just give me that unrealistic hope that he'll come back after a few weeks, just like in the movies after they think things through a bit. But very unlikely to happen.

I told some of my friends who didn't know I had herpes. They were like, "that's it?" Even though most of my friends don't know about it the way I do, they at least know it's super common. They told me he's an educated guy and he over reacted. He probably just needs some time to process things. If he's not a complete asshole he will get over this and at least be friends with me if he meant what he said. I don't know if that's true or not but it makes me feel a bit better. They say that he also didn't ask me if I had anything which he should've done too.

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Acesheart

Hey TigerLilly you and I have talked many times over this past year. You know I believe in disclosing upfront. Maybe he is questioning the trusts in you to not trust him, to make that educated choice. Many I've spoken with say that is a big deal, making the choice, several say if they were told up front, they still would have had sexy times. The attractions, physically are stronger than the h. When a guy/girl is that into you, very little can stop these feelings from surfacing, but when you can't trust someone enough to be honest, that seems to be a deal breaker. I agree with RGal, avoid drinking til after the talk, then your night and conscience will be good. I'm sorry this happened, but sweety it is just another of lifes lessons. Take care honey. Have a great new year, remember its a chance for new starts and new adventures. :) . Hugs, Ace

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TigerLilly

Hi Aces! It's so good to hear from you! I went into the chat room a few times but you weren't around.

My guess is some of it is trust to. He did specifically point out that I told him afterwards. I still feel horrible. I wish I had told him before or not have told him at all. I hope he can forgive me and we can still be friends. But based on his current behaviour it seems doubtful :(

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DreamingLeo
Lol. That is good advice RealisticGal but very unlikely to happen.

DreamingLeo, thanks for your story. Odds are he didn't get anything. I have GHSV1 which is less likely to transmit genitally. He's a male which is also less likely to transmit. So with the already low transmission rate it's unlikely he got it but it is still possible. It has been over a week and he hasn't contacted me. I sent him a "Merry Christmas" text and he replied the same but nothing else. I should actually see him around work starting next week so I plan on approaching him there and just asking if he wants to go to a coffee to chat sometime next week.

What I didn't include in that story is that he had broken up with me a few days before and we met up that night to discuss some things so I could have some closure. He said he still wanted to be friends during that time. But that was before I disclosed and maybe that's not true because he hasn't contacted me at all. Since we had broken up already I now wish I hadn't disclosed to him at all. I would really like him to come back to me but I also know it won't happen. I watched some romantic comedies b/c I've been depressed and those movies just give me that unrealistic hope that he'll come back after a few weeks, just like in the movies after they think things through a bit. But very unlikely to happen.

I told some of my friends who didn't know I had herpes. They were like, "that's it?" Even though most of my friends don't know about it the way I do, they at least know it's super common. They told me he's an educated guy and he over reacted. He probably just needs some time to process things. If he's not a complete asshole he will get over this and at least be friends with me if he meant what he said. I don't know if that's true or not but it makes me feel a bit better. They say that he also didn't ask me if I had anything which he should've done too.

Hmm, well it sounds like maybe there might have been some things that he didn't feel right about in the first place, before you disclosed, so not to worry about that portion of things, but I do know exactly how you feel when you are wishing someone would come back. I did that for about a year and a half (pathetically) with a guy that I dated after I broke up with my fiance, so I'm sure it was doomed from there on anyway... It sounds like you are very realistic about things though and you will be fine. Like you said, maybe it will just take some time for him to come around because he may need to process things a bit more. Obviously you didn't get that far and things could have been worse. If anything, it was experience and another page in your book that will help you in the future. I believe everything happens for a reason.

And you are very honest by saying that the not drinking alcohol thing before disclosing is a likely possibility. I tend to do that as well, but have problems totally cutting back. I know that it is something I need to do for the health of everyone involved though. I just tell myself I always have to be honest, and try to keep myself in check even when I've had a little too much... and surround myself with the wonderful people I have for friends who know about it too and keep me in check.

The trust issue is very big though and I agree with Ace on the deal breaker thing. I've learned that the hard way though it has taken me a long time to accept it. Take care girl, hope you have had a happy new year!!

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TigerLilly

So I wanted to update this post. I did see the guy at work and he was civil enough though things were very awkward between us. I found him one day and said I think we should talk. First it was going to be a phone talk but I said in person would be better so I went over to his place one night. He had a few questions and said he's getting tested the following week. That's 3 weeks after everything happened so that is the right time to get tested. He was mainly upset that I didn't tell him before and I told him why - we had broken up and I didn't think things would happen afterwards the way they did, I was super drunk and I don't often remember I have herpes. I told him that was no excuse though and apologized probably hundreds of times that night. He said he didn't hate me but he's obviously wasn't happy with me. I said I missed how things were and I don't like how it's super awkward and he said it'll take time for things to settle, which makes sense.

His main comment that sticks with me is that I make it out to be "not too big of a deal" but he thinks it is a big deal. It's something that affects you your whole life and you have to tell anyone you want to be in a relationship with. My counter to that was what's the difference between me telling him versus someone who has it, but doesn't know she has it so she doesn't tell him? He said it's the trust thing again. And well I had nothing to say to that.

Oddly enough somehow talking and drinking a little bit led to cuddling which then led to his bed. All that happened was I did stuff to him and kept my underwear on the whole night. I don't know if that shows he likes me or was just using me. But he at least doesn't despise me which is good. And he is a pretty good guy to well still talk to me. He did say props to me for being honest though it would've been better if it was before.

I just hope the test comes out negative. Though if it is positive, that doesn't mean it was from me. The only way it'd be from me is if the first test is negative and he gets tested again and it's positive. And he's not with anyone else since then.

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gnaf119
I've been seeing this guy for about a month. I've been holding the physical part back because of having herpes. A few days ago we were drunk and things got a bit more intense. We didn't have sex and he didn't go down on me (I have GHSV1) but we were both naked in his bed. There was skin-to-skin contact (ex. spooning or him rubbing his hand on my butt and thighs) and genital-to-genital contact (though no actual sex, just rubbing a bit). So I ended up telling him the next morning when we were cuddling after breakfast. He was not happy. I felt like an asshole for not telling him before.

I tried my best to explain things but I wasn't prepared for this so I was fumbling for words and didn't have my printout of info for him. Pretty much after I told him that he kicked me out of his place in a nice way. He just said it's late so I should go - though granted it was late. I went home, got the printout of info, and dropped it off at his place.

I feel pretty bad but I don't know what I can do. He hasn't contacted me in anyway since then and though I understand he needs time to process things I don't know if he will. Could he have gotten something? I have GHSV1 and take Valtrex daily so it's unlikely but it's never 0% right? Could there be less chance of him getting it because we didn't have full out intercourse? Is there anything I could do to make it better?

See my reply in the "I Will Always Omit the Truth" thread by Crackus.

Mitigate the risks as best you can. Use condoms, be vigilant of prodrome or sores and don't have sex at that time, and take antiviral suppressants.

Valtrex is one pill a day. There is no excuse for missing it.

Telling people is 99% of the time going to elicit this kind of reaction. It's how I would have reacted before I had this virus.

This is a virus of stigma and fear, not one of serious medical complication.

Do not let this thing rule your life. Mitigate the risk and live as normal. If you do not have sex during outbreak/symptoms, you take antiviral suppressants, and he wears a condom, your transmission risks are minuscule (2-3% in a given year). You don't warn him that you might get into an accident and both die when you drive him somewhere in your car. No need to warn for an even smaller risk.

The odds of someone dying in a car accident over their lifetime or getting cancer is significantly higher than catching herpes from someone on meds, vigilant, and using condoms.

http://www.livescience.com/3780-odds-dying.html

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RealisticGal

His main comment that sticks with me is that I make it out to be "not too big of a deal" but he thinks it is a big deal. It's something that affects you your whole life and you have to tell anyone you want to be in a relationship with. My counter to that was what's the difference between me telling him versus someone who has it, but doesn't know she has it so she doesn't tell him? He said it's the trust thing again. And well I had nothing to say to that.

I have to agree with him, TigerLilly. It is partly about trust, and also partly about respect.

It is pretty obvious that a person who does not know they have HSV cannot tell potential partners.

The difference is, you do know you have HSV.

Any person who does have that piece of information is willfully withholding it when they do not tell.

Maya Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better."

Many people are ignorant of their own HSV status.

You are not. You know better.

:wavey:

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RealisticGal

I just hope the test comes out negative. Though if it is positive, that doesn't mean it was from me. The only way it'd be from me is if the first test is negative and he gets tested again and it's positive. And he's not with anyone else since then.

Oops! That is not the case.

Some folks form detectable antibody levels in as little as one week after exposure. If he tests positive now, it could still be that he got it from you.

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gnaf119

I have to agree with him, TigerLilly. It is partly about trust, and also partly about respect.

It is pretty obvious that a person who does not know they have HSV cannot tell potential partners.

The difference is, you do know you have HSV.

Any person who does have that piece of information is willfully withholding it when they do not tell.

Maya Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better."

Many people are ignorant of their own HSV status.

You are not. You know better.

:wavey:

Willfully withholding it?

I have seen posts on this forum from women saying they "got drunk and forgot" or "haven't had an outbreak in years, so never thought to mention it."

Not everyone dwells on a minor skin condition every day of their lives, and therefore not everyone thinks to mention it.

Risk of transmission when proper precautions are taken is extremely minuscule. Odds of them ever showing any symptoms are also low.

I would like to inform you of your 0.01 percent chance that you could slip on a banana peel and crack your head open today, RealisticGal ;)

I knew this could happen, so did not want to withhold it from you!

(I'm not trying to pick a battle with you, btw... just present a different perspective than the ones that dominate this forum)

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RealisticGal
Willfully withholding it?

I have seen posts on this forum from women saying they "got drunk and forgot" or "haven't had an outbreak in years, so never thought to mention it."

Not everyone dwells on a minor skin condition every day of their lives, and therefore not everyone thinks to mention it.

Risk of transmission when proper precautions are taken is extremely minuscule. Odds of them ever showing any symptoms are also low.

I would like to inform you of your 0.01 percent chance that you could slip on a banana peel and crack your head open today, RealisticGal ;)

I knew this could happen, so did not want to withhold it from you!

(I'm not trying to pick a battle with you, btw... just present a different perspective than the ones that dominate this forum)

It's okay, gnaf. You are not alone in your perspective. You do seem to be in a very small minority (at least here in this forum). Well, that's okay too. I appreciate that you present yourself with politeness and humor.

As I said in a different thread where we have been conversing, we all have to make our own choices on this question. Two people who choose not to have the sexual history discussion prior to intimacy have the right to make that choice. They have the right to live with any consequences, as well.

To me, saying that a person got drunk or forgot they had HSV sounds like rationalization. But I accept that these things could happen.

I can say one thing with no reservations:

My partner's choice to tell me before we became intimate increased my respect and affection for him exponentially. It demonstrated his integrity, his honesty and the fact that he respects and cares about me.

:star:

Now, how could anyone not like that???

:luv2u:

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gnaf119

It's okay, gnaf. You are not alone in your perspective. You do seem to be in a very small minority (at least here in this forum). Well, that's okay too. I appreciate that you present yourself with politeness and humor.

As I said in a different thread where we have been conversing, we all have to make our own choices on this question. Two people who choose not to have the sexual history discussion prior to intimacy have the right to make that choice. They have the right to live with any consequences, as well.

To me, saying that a person got drunk or forgot they had HSV sounds like rationalization. But I accept that these things could happen.

I can say one thing with no reservations:

My partner's choice to tell me before we became intimate increased my respect and affection for him exponentially. It demonstrated his integrity, his honesty and the fact that he respects and cares about me.

:star:

Now, how could anyone not like that???

:luv2u:

I do agree with you. And I do think it is a very personal choice and one that is affected by who we are -- both our personalities and our demographics.

If I were a 45 year old woman with HSV, I would probably always disclose, because in that scenario, men my age are looking to marry. And things could easily get serious, and if he knew and accepted it, I'd know he truly accepted ME. And we'd get serious, possibly get married, and that'd be that. It'd be a risk many men would be willing to consider at that age, since many men want to settle down around that age.

But I am a 26 year old man who is NOT looking to settle down or marry anytime soon. So my question becomes, "Should I let a minor skin condition rule my life? Should I let it give me depression or eliminate lovers from my dating pool based on a minuscule chance of transmission if I am being responsible and taking precautions? And my response? Hellz naw!

Care to reveal your age and whether or not you're married, just for shits n giggles?

I think it's still perfectly ethical to have HSV and not disclose as long as safe sex is being practiced since the end consequences are not serious (it is a skin condition, not HIV) and the risks of transmission are extremely low if the person who has it is responsible. AND people might never show symptoms ANYWAY.

I would say it's unethical for a person with HSV to not disclose AND not practice safe sex (IE dismiss a sore as a razor bump or "forget" to take antivirals) etc.

If I ever decide I want something longer term, then maybe I will disclose just because over time, the odds of someone finding out will increase anyway. But then again maybe not. It might just be less emotionally traumatic to say "I didn't know" than to have someone bear this huge grudge against you for not telling them everything. Honestly, even if my girlfriend DID know, it's better for her that she told me she didn't. Because I can't really prove it, and it doesn't give me some kind of self-righteous crusade to sink my teeth into. It just leaves me with, "Fuck this sucks. Oh well." And then later after researching, "Meh, it's not as horrible as I thought."

My initial anxiety learning that I might HSV came from my ignorance about the virus and also the fact that I thought transmission rates were very high (how else would I have gotten it? I'M responsible, dammit!)

But when I learned about acyclovir, I regained a lot of hope at living a normal life, and I'm still kind of left in the dark why the majority of members on this forum haven't also regained that hope. It's not a cure, but it's the next best thing.

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TigerLilly

Oops! That is not the case.

Some folks form detectable antibody levels in as little as one week after exposure. If he tests positive now, it could still be that he got it from you.

I mean more that if it is positive, it's not necessarily from me. It's possible it could be from someone else.

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TigerLilly
I do agree with you. And I do think it is a very personal choice and one that is affected by who we are -- both our personalities and our demographics.

If I were a 45 year old woman with HSV, I would probably always disclose, because in that scenario, men my age are looking to marry. And things could easily get serious, and if he knew and accepted it, I'd know he truly accepted ME. And we'd get serious, possibly get married, and that'd be that. It'd be a risk many men would be willing to consider at that age, since many men want to settle down around that age.

But I am a 26 year old man who is NOT looking to settle down or marry anytime soon. So my question becomes, "Should I let a minor skin condition rule my life? Should I let it give me depression or eliminate lovers from my dating pool based on a minuscule chance of transmission if I am being responsible and taking precautions? And my response? Hellz naw!

Care to reveal your age and whether or not you're married, just for shits n giggles?

I think it's still perfectly ethical to have HSV and not disclose as long as safe sex is being practiced since the end consequences are not serious (it is a skin condition, not HIV) and the risks of transmission are extremely low if the person who has it is responsible. AND people might never show symptoms ANYWAY.

I would say it's unethical for a person with HSV to not disclose AND not practice safe sex (IE dismiss a sore as a razor bump or "forget" to take antivirals) etc.

If I ever decide I want something longer term, then maybe I will disclose just because over time, the odds of someone finding out will increase anyway. But then again maybe not. It might just be less emotionally traumatic to say "I didn't know" than to have someone bear this huge grudge against you for not telling them everything. Honestly, even if my girlfriend DID know, it's better for her that she told me she didn't. Because I can't really prove it, and it doesn't give me some kind of self-righteous crusade to sink my teeth into. It just leaves me with, "Fuck this sucks. Oh well." And then later after researching, "Meh, it's not as horrible as I thought."

My initial anxiety learning that I might HSV came from my ignorance about the virus and also the fact that I thought transmission rates were very high (how else would I have gotten it? I'M responsible, dammit!)

But when I learned about acyclovir, I regained a lot of hope at living a normal life, and I'm still kind of left in the dark why the majority of members on this forum haven't also regained that hope. It's not a cure, but it's the next best thing.

gnaf, I actually completely understand your point of view and have thought that many times myself. I still struggle whether I should tell someone or not. With the guy in question, it might've been better to not have told him at all since we had broken up already. So I completely understand you. I don't know if I'd do that but I'd consider it. I have considered it.

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TigerLilly

To update this thread one more time. The guy and I are back together. We met up once just to see if he had any questions, if he's getting tested and to talk about that. That led to cuddling and I ended up sleeping over at his place. Since then we've hung out more frequently, we make out and when I asked him about it he did say somehow we have ended up back together. I'm not sure if things will work out in the end but I'm glad that so far things have worked out here. I never thought a guy would come back to me but this guy did. Makes me think he's a pretty good guy.

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GntiNh

From my experience it was the trust that was broken.

My givier wasn't a one night stand we had been dating for sometime. He knew and choose not to say until after I got them (double yammy oral and genital HSV 1).

I had trusted this person and they broke that. It made me wonder what else they hadn't told me about and therefore it was not a basis to build a relationship from. They lied (they said they didn't have it when it turned out his ex-gf had it and his ex-wife too) it was the lying that killed the relationship.

As for one night stands I can't see the rational behind them either - buy a BOB. Why run the risk - anything could happen.

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Misty407

I also have ghsv1 and if disclosing say "I have hsv1 the virus that causes cold sores. I have had one outbreak. 75% of people have this. You probably do too. but go get tested to be sure" Sounds a lot better than dropping the "I have herpes " after being intimate. If you disclose after you will be the one they blame from picking up hsv in daycare 32 years ago.

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      That’s right, most infections of the one type are in one nerve ganglion. As such, the virus only appears at the skin’s surface where that ganglion reaches to.  This does all come down to the numbers though, if you have no other evidence than a firmly positive HSV infection, the default assumption which is not likely to be wrong is that type 1 is oral and type 2 is genital. A positive swab is the only evidence to the contrary.
    • Lulupazoola
      I was having back to back OB's and decided to try several things I had read about here.  The first one was instant gratification:  oil of oregano diluted with fractionated coconut oil.  I could feel another OB coming, tingles, and just spread the oil all over the area.  In a few minutes the tingle was gone.  The lesions and red scarring i had responded well to it too.  Went away promptly.  The second thing was diet.  A person on this forum said they had good results by eating more vegetables, some fruit, meat and mostly using potatoes for carbs.  Like, leaving grains alone.  I decided to leave wheat alone and use other grains occasionally.  I no longer eat chocolate, nuts, seeds, coconut, oats, as these r all potential triggers for an OB.  I take 1000 mg lysine 2 x day in case i unknowingly eat some food that is high in arganine.  So far so good.  Another person on this forum said she took neem capsules 2 x day and hadnt had another outbreak in 2 years.  So i do that too.  It hasnt been long enough for me to make any great claims, but the continuous, never ending breakouts have stopped, i have energy and feel good.
    • Friends
      Is it possible to catch HSV 2 somewhere else other than the penis... And if so does this mean you will not transmit from that area? 
    • Lulupazoola
      I wouldnt want to give anyone info that they might decide to use against me at some point.  U must tell those that u must tell, but otherwise, i would only unburden myself anonymously, like on a forum.  No judgment or harm here.
    • Thomas29
      Could you recommend any decent treatment if you know of any?
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