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zane18

Dating someone with H

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zane18

Hello, I'm new to this form & to the idea of herpes. I'm hoping to find some guidance & hear some personal experiences to help me bc right now I'm very confused.

Recently, I have been seeing a great girl who I like very much. Over the weekend, we had the talk & she told me she has ghsv2. The fact that she disclosed this before sex further shows me how great of a girl she is & is now making this decision more difficult. My instincts tell me to run; I've always been fearful of STD's, I'm only 25, very health oriented, just graduated from UCLA, have my whole life ahead of me, & who knows how long our relationship will last .

I feel this way, yet I have spent the whole weekend researching herpes & haven't slept. Emotions seem to be much stronger than logic at times. I like this girl a lot & my glimmer of hope has been the fact that female to male transmission rates are very low. I have a few questions I hope someone can answer. I have read that female to male transmission rates are 3-4% a year; combine antiviral suppression therapy & condoms to the mix & the chances drop down even more to 1-2%. I think I am willing to risk a 2% chance for this girl, I mean there is always risks in life right.

I curious to hear of the successful & unsuccessful relationships you all of had with a non-h & transmission.

Are there any vitamins, medicine, or lubes I could take or use to lower the transmission rates even closer to zero?

Also, people who have faced rejection, is there a nice way? I am not sure if I can get over my fear of herpes. Risking a life long STD is a big commitment when you have only been dating for 2 months so please don't classify me as an asshole.

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Elle22

Most cases of transmission are from someone who doesn't know they have hsv so they don't take precautions. There are many on here that have had hsv for years and never passed it on.

But, in a worst case scenario, you get hsv. It does not effect one's health beyond having outbreaks. Not all people with hsv have any symptoms. Also, with a rate of 1 in 4 girls having genital hsv, there is a good chance you have come in contact with it already.

Here is an article about stds that might be good for you to read:

http://postmasculine.com/std-guide

As for rejection, let's be honest, that always sucks on the receiving end. Just put it nicely, don't make her feel like she is dirty or you fear it. Say something like you don't know if you are ready to take that risk.

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ICherri

I feel u should not be going into this relationship thinkin about ways to not get it but accept u might. If u are not able to accept this than maybe ur not ready for the risk.

When I tell my partners...I tell them dont think about all the ways to prevent it..I will do anything in my power to prevent that..but to make peace wit getting HSV.

I feel this makes the relationship be able to withstand HSV..if u get it there will not be blame.guilt.shame cause u have already dealt wit getting it.

Think how it will affect u emotionally and future dating.Think about ur support system if u two break up. Is there people u can lean on for support?

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Acesheart
Hello, I'm new to this form & to the idea of herpes. I'm hoping to find some guidance & hear some personal experiences to help me bc right now I'm very confused.

Recently, I have been seeing a great girl who I like very much. Over the weekend, we had the talk & she told me she has ghsv2. The fact that she disclosed this before sex further shows me how great of a girl she is & is now making this decision more difficult. My instincts tell me to run; I've always been fearful of STD's, I'm only 25, very health oriented, just graduated from UCLA, have my whole life ahead of me, & who knows how long our relationship will last .

I feel this way, yet I have spent the whole weekend researching herpes & haven't slept. Emotions seem to be much stronger than logic at times. I like this girl a lot & my glimmer of hope has been the fact that female to male transmission rates are very low. I have a few questions I hope someone can answer. I have read that female to male transmission rates are 3-4% a year; combine antiviral suppression therapy & condoms to the mix & the chances drop down even more to 1-2%. I think I am willing to risk a 2% chance for this girl, I mean there is always risks in life right.

I curious to hear of the successful & unsuccessful relationships you all of had with a non-h & transmission.

Are there any vitamins, medicine, or lubes I could take or use to lower the transmission rates even closer to zero?

Also, people who have faced rejection, is there a nice way? I am not sure if I can get over my fear of herpes. Risking a life long STD is a big commitment when you have only been dating for 2 months so please don't classify me as an asshole.

Hey zane, welcome to our family :wavey: . I am female, married to a still non h man for 22 years. I got my h 25 years ago from my first husband, and I take antivirals daily. We started out using condoms, but we had a daughter and we stopped the condoms everytime we had sexy times. We now don't use them at All! He has never gotten my h. We have never used protections for oral pleasures and only used condoms for a while on and off. I miscarried 8 years ago, after that we rarely used them, I had hysterectomy after I lost my son. My husband I told before we ever dated, I wanted him to run! I had baggage way before getting herps. He stayed and invested in us, he saw what I didn't. He never saw me as diseased or unclean, he just saw a beatiful young Spanish woman who was broken inside. I was abandoned and now getting divorced, he wanted me :) . I made him wait two full years before my mind and body was ready to love again. See we have always wanted same things out of life. Home, kids, partner to catch you when you fall, someone to celebrate your victories in life. We built a foundation. He thanked me too for being honest about my h. I have only had two outbreaks ever on supressive therapy and I also take Vit.b12 complex, now its liquid. I get it at walgreens. We have never given h any powers or controls, over what we would or could have. He like me. Had only had one other partner that they loved, the real love. He wanted what most ppl in the mid twentys wanted back then, to settle down and build a future. I can only tell you his belief and faith in me saved me. I never wanted to ever love another after I was in divorce precedings, I was done with trusting anyone, ever again. I pushed him away, he leaned harder. I knew he wasn't leaving and my meds were working. Two years no other outbreak and I was so sexually lonely. I gave it a shot, try love one more time, as luck would have it, he proposed. Of course I said yes, and now 22 years later we are still together. We have never regreted taking that time to getting to know each other. We did what was known as "courting" . He and spent time togther, when I wasn't working, I fought hard to make him leave, give up, find a girl with no baggage, he wasn't having that. He still to this day has never seen me as herps girl, he saw my heart and the pain I went through. If you want to make a go with this girl, use condoms, ( they only protect 30%) ask her to take antivirals before sexy times, and never give h power over this relationship! We didn't have internet back then, I learned more this past years than ever in my life, I'm 49. We still have oral and sexy times. He tested properly a few months ago, he is still non h man :) . He also knows tho the risk are low, very low, he still could get my h. We have a running joke, my h loves my body and it won't leave, I believe not stressing h all these years, has been one of many factors in being outbreak free. Good luck. May I say you are a special man to do the research for her h. This will help you know whether you can be the one who gets this beautiful young lady. It's great that you are supportive. Many don't get that. Take care. Here is a book www.westoverheights.com , please read this book. Hugs to you both. Truly, Ace :hithere:

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Amberleaf

Hi Zane, I am in exactly the same situation. I want to start a relationship with a man who has literally just told me 2 hours ago that his last girlfriend had two outbreaks when they were together although he is asymptomatic and always has been. I have been friends with him for some time, really like him and am falling for him. I too am very health conscious and get freaked out about these sorts of issues. I am so pleased he has told me and he is being understanding about my refusal to have any sexual contact with him until I know more, and he says he has researched into the efficacy of condoms etc and other things to make it less likely but he isn't pushing me. I guess I am just a little taken aback and scared if I am honest but it hasn't made me think any less of him, in fact I like him even more that he has told me before anything happens between us. So no... I don't think you're an asshole. I get where you're coming from :)

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