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On the verge of a break up?

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I am on the verge of breaking up with my longterm, serious boyfriend. Really we could be apart any day now. Herpes has ruined us immensely and it is proving harder to stay together with our pain and problems than to be apart. I am very scared because this means I am going to be alone for a while. I know I am not ready for a relationship yet, this has been my first true love and a 2 year relationship and I know I will need time to heal.

I just know being alone with this is going to be massively hard. I used to cry about not finding the right guy when I was fine, I can't even imagine the pain I am about to feel like this. I'm only 21, but I am looking to settle down in the next 5 years. I want a loving husband, a solid career, a healthy sex life, and a family. I know that much. I'm afraid I may never be able to have that or may have to sacrifice some of my wants/needs for parts of it...

Has anyone else had to deal with a break up with h? How were you able to cope and move forward? It's really hard for me to stay strong right now...

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I broke up with my ex about a year and a bit ago and thought i'd never find anyone or only find someone else with herpes.

I'd kind of become jaded with relationships anyway but I'm not sure if that's down to herpes or not.

A few months after we split up I did end up sleeping with a Norweigian girl who was in the country on an extended weekend, I told her and she said she knew someone who already had it and she was fine with it, we never really kept in contact after that.

Then I didn't really see anyone after that apart from kissing the odd girl but I shyed away from telling anyone. I tried some herpes dating sites and met a few girls and slept with one but I never met anyone I really liked.

So I resigned myself to not finding anyone and maybe just having the odd bit of sex with someone from a herpes dating website.

But then about a month and a half ago (10th of november to be precise) I was out one night with a friend (I was quite drunk) and another friend walks in with this girl and she sits down next to me and we hit it off straight away. I'm worrying that I've got herpes and I really, really like her but I'm also worrying because she's walked in with my friend. Anyway I'm talking to my other friend and he's saying how she really likes me because she can't keep her eyes off me, so I tell him that I'm crazy about her too. He tells me to talk to my friend so much later on after building up the courage I tell my friend and he says it's fine.

I then walk her home and we kiss.

I take her out for a few drinks, more kissing. Then I go to an exhibition she's putting on and afterwards I walk her home and we go in her house, I then give her the talk...

She's incredible about it and really supportive, I tell her she doesn't have to make any decisions yet and she tells me she has a weakened immune system but she's still not put off.

We fool around and do other things and it's incredible and after a few weeks we're an item. Then about a week later she tells me she wants to have sex with me and that me actually telling her has brought us closer together and she trusts me.

I then went to the doctors and got some antivirals and she checked that nothing bad would happen because of her immune system.

Then yesterday well... i'm a gentleman and one shouldn't reveal these things but it was amazing :D

I'm completely head over heels for this girl and I have never met anyone like her in my life before, it's only been just over a month so I might sound like a lovestruck teenager but During my last relationship my libido went right down and I became pretty cynical about relationships and whether I would ever find anyone or be that bothered about sex.

But now it's like a total reversal.

I'm also a non spiritual person and an atheist but it's like I've found my soulmate.

My mouth aches from smiling and laughing so much. She's already met my mum and my sister and I've met her mum, her childhood friend and stayed with some of her really close friends and they all say that they've never seen either of us so happy. We're going away to Denmark next month and we're already talking about moving abroad together.

I'm not saying that everyone will find this and it's only been a short time so who knows what will happen but don't give up hope.

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This post has given me so much hope, I really have to thank you for writing this and sharing your experience. It's also nice seeing a guy's perspective. The kind of relationship you are describing is exactly what I want in the future and I pray and hope I will be able to have it. Right now I know I am nowhere near ready for any type of dating or relationship as I am where you were after your break up, very bitter and turned off to any kind of thought of a relationship.

It's funny I think I may do the same thing with dating sites. I'm a really sexual girl so it would be nice to hook up every now and then. I think I might join just for that purpose, maybe. My soon to be ex did the same thing and really ruined my libido because he pushed sex multiple times a day every day and would get angry and be horrible to me if I said no. He even got mad when I rejected him during outbreaks! He really damaged my sex drive and my emotional trust. I probably need a break from anything with another person, but I don't know...sex seems like something I could deal with in a few months. As far as anything serious, I may need a year or so to calm down off of this. Maybe more. I just know I am making a promise to myself to never date a jerk again. I will make sure I only date compassionate, caring men in the future who can accept me for me.

Again thanks for sharing your story. It makes me feel like there is hope for me, somewhere, somehow, after all...

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MissAnonymiss, I know what you are going through. My boyfriend and i have been together almost a year he's the one who gave me herpes. Im not sure if he already had them or gave them to me through a cold sore. But anyways. the last couple months we've been in a long distance relationship because he moved and everything has been fine, he was supportive of when I found out about the herpes. But something happened within the last couple days, I have no idea what, but he won't even speak to me. I don't want to lose him but it's not fair to me to be ignored and mistreated. I also worry about finding another relationship. I'm okay with being single but eventually I want to settle down you know, get hitched and have a family.I don't know how to go about telling someone about herpes. How do you know you can trust someone or how do you know you're not going to piss them off by "wasting" their time. I know that if I never would've got herpes I would stay away from someone who had them. I feel like people hear the word herpes and they completly change their views about you. My mom, my boyfriend (ex, whatever he is) and my best friend are the only people who know. Im afraid of dating, people finding out and being alone for the rest of my life.

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MissAnonymiss you sound like you've got your head screwed on just take your time and don't worry, they'll be bad days but stay strong and forgive other people and yourself for any mistakes you've made you can't dwell on the past just deal with the future. You only get one life so make the most of it no matter what it deals you. My girl told me that she wants to live life as much as she can and she has never felt this way so even though I have herpes she says she's prepared to risk it, I hope you find someone as understanding as I have.

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MissAnonymiss, I feel you, I too am in the same situation. I'm with the guy who gave it to me. Things are quite rocky between us right now. We moved away together so I'm here, with no friends, family or support group (why I've joined this site). I keep tossing the question around in my head as well... Do I want to stay with him because I love him and we can work through our issues like adults? Or am I only staying with him out sheer fear of future rejection. I cant quite figure it out. It's extremely infuriating to have something like this run your instincts in circles. My advice to you, is evaluate the relationship for what it is, disregarding the herpes. Would you leave or break up if you weren't infected? I'm trying to convince myself as well that herpes is not the reason to stay in an unhappy and unhealthy situation. The stress generated from it only makes the outbreaks worse and more frequent. I can't promise you anything because I too am skeptical. But I will tell you that you cannot live your life in fear and uncertainty. Just remember we're all in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different devils. We are imperfect just as every single person, herpes or not, is imperfect. You'll find what you're looking for someday, we all will.

Good luck

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Thank you everyone for your stories. Burtsbee, sounds like you are going through a lot of the thoughts I am too. If the guy is not talking to you that is really mean. I hope he gets back to you and is more open about his feelings. If not you know what to do, it's not worth being with a guy who is insensitive or distant, especially when you feel like this...it's hard enough being physically distant but emotionally distant has always been a no no for me.

Tomt, thanks again. I am doing my best to get through this. Your story inspires me and I'm just going to keep going on with life and see what happens. I'm sure the best is yet to come! I'm too young to give up! :p I'm doing my best to forgive too. There is nothing positive that comes out of holding grudges, I am learning this each and every day.

Red19, if you ever need to talk to someone I am here! I moved in with my guy away from all my close friends and family too! I also am going to college in the area which helps, but I feel the same as you. I can be your friend and you can message me any time. :) I know how it feels. It's especially scary when you have invested all your energy, love, and time into a person and now feel as if it is heading towards disaster. I'm very emotionally confused about what I want with him. I've broken up with him before when he acted the way he is acting, this was before herpes, so part of me feels like it's time to go again. Then he comes back, says all the right things and does them for a while, and makes me want to stay. Ugh! This is what I get for falling in love with a salesman!

This time, I don't trust it fully yet though so I am getting space as I moved into an apartment with a few college girl friends, and I am figuring out what's best for me. It was a hard step to take but he is being supportive of this, despite some anger for a while. I know I don't need to make a decision right away now or just yet, so I am taking time to do my passions and hobbies while focusing on school until I do figure out what is best for me. I haven't broken up but I am just getting my own independence back because it was unhealthy to be so reliant on him and only him. I felt myself really losing my own identity and life and at the end of the day it made me really resent him. So far he is supportive of my ideas and wants me to get my space if it will keep us together. So much is going on in my relationship I'm starting to even wonder if I am even ok to be in one.

Oh well, life goes on. I'm just taking things day by day by doing what's best for me! I feel like having my own life outside of my boyfriend will give me more clarity of what I want, maybe the same can happen for you too. I know how it feels when you are alone with the one you love and it is not working. It feels like your life is ruined because all you have in it is him and if that's not working, then you feel as if your life isn't either. It doesn't have to be this way though. Just find things outside of your relationship that make you happy and focus more on those for a while. :)

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Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that if I ever find a non-H girl who's that into me, that she'll be as understanding and supportive as your girl was. I'm only a month into having H and it has left me totally jaded. I've lost total motivation for ever trying to find a serious relationship right now. I've tried the positive singles site for a little bit but there's just not a lot of people on there from my area. I think it will take a while before I'll ever return to a state of mind where I want to try the dating scene again.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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    • Artfulsoul
      Thanks for your story.  It seems similar to mine. Fortunately for you it seems your boyfriend is willing to pursue some kind of understanding. Since I wrote about what happened to me, my boyfriend broke up with me. The ironic thing is he told me this happened to him about 15 years ago with another woman. He said it was very traumatic for him and felt like the same thing once again. So it seems he had been exposed before and could very possibly have already been carrying the virus. Perhaps he knew and didn't tell me. I am really not sure but the relationship is over for now since he won't discuss it with me. So much fear information and confusion out there about the virus. I don't think they really understand how it happens so they tell everyone to be careful. Even having the virus it has been such a non-issue in my life until now that it appears there is so much stigma around it. It seems more like it is the Pharmaceutical companies wanting to make money off a common virus that affects so many on such a deep level, receiving love and physical contact.  Feels like a big scam to me.  The information was so different when there were no drugs to reduce or suppress the virus. It is all very confusing to me.
    • doh!
      I don't have hsv1 (2 instead) but yes, it is posssible to have an ob without the usual syptoms- or to miss more subtle signals. in my exprience said ob is mild (ie not painful).
    • lonelysoul
      Private message me please.
    • raka
      I contacted one of the ayurveda doctor in india he is saying there is 60% chances of cure through ayurveda for herpes Details: Please see the treatment details mentioned below
      Treatment Duration: 12 months - 18 months - 24 months.
      Generally majority of young patients with not a long history of infection gets cured in initial 12 months, but there are possibilities that the cure might need a total of 2 year’s medication too.
      Therefore you can start with first 6 months of medication and depending upon the results and prognosis further medication can be ordered later. 
      Initial results of our medication will be felt after completion of 90 days to 120 days and generally the symptoms don’t occur after 120 days or sometimes even if the symptoms re-occurs it will be mild and will disappear shortly,
      Please understand that, we are not treating the symptoms but the virus, therefore till the virus is alive inside the body any time symptoms can occur, but majority of cases what we have seen is after the 120 days completion of medication symptoms seldom occurs and even if the symptoms occurs it will be very mild and will go away faster, so dont worry even if you get any symptoms during the course of medication. 
      Our aim is to cure the virus and not the symptoms, symptoms is just associated with the virus activity and after the 120 days medication the viral activity will be reduced and not fully stopped and that’s why you can get symptoms during the treatment, but this viral activity will be weak, and that’s why symptoms will be milder and will go away faster.  As the treatment progresses then the viral activity will further reduce and ultimately the virus will be dead. 
      About Medication: Medication will be in the tablet format which will be of 4 different variety to be taken after food. Generally non vegetarian food has to be reduced to the maximum while on treatment. Consume more of vegetarian food only for better and fast results.
        For your information, the names of our medicines with ingredient details are given below, you have to take the below mentioned combination of 4 medicine in tablet form.
      1) Tablet DERMA FORTE
      Batch No: 258
      Terminalia chebula
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      Azadirachta indica
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      Fumeria Parviflora decoction
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      Batch No: 259
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      Vibhitaki – Belliric Myrobalan – Terminalia bellirica
      Shunti – Ginger (rhizome) – Zingiber officinalis
      Bhringaraja – Eclipta alba
      Ardraka – Ginger (rhizome) – Zingiber officinalis
      3) Tablet KG GULFORTE
      Batch No: 260
      Commiphora mukul
      Terminalia chebula
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      Emblica officinalis
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      Embelia ribes
      Operculina turpethum
      Tinospora cordifolia
      4) Bella Tab
      Batch No: 261
       Vidari – Pueraria tuberosa
      Shunti – Ginger Rhizome – Zingiber officinalis
      Maricha – Black pepper – Piper nigrum
      Pippali – Long pepper fruit – Piper longum
      Haritaki – Chebulic Myrobalan fruit rind – Terminalia chebula
      Vibhitaki – Belliric Myrobalan fruit rind – Terminalia bellirica
      Amalaki – Indian gooseberry fruit – Emblica officinalis Gaertn.
      Loha Bhasma – Bhasma prepared from Iron
      Vidanga – False black pepper – Embelia ribes
      Vida Lavana – Vida salt
      Samudra Lavana – Common salt
      Saindhava Lavana – Black salt
      Sauvarchala Lavana – Sochal salt
      Romaka Lavana
      Chavya – Java Long Pepper – Piper chaba
      Pippalimoola – Long pepper root – Piper longum
      Hapusha – Juniperus communis
      Vacha – Acorus calamus
      Patha – Cyclea peltata
      Devadaru – Himalayan cedar (bark) – Cedrus deodara
      Ela – Cardamom – Elettaria cardamomum
      Vriddhadaru – Argyrea speciosa
      Trivrit – Operculina turpethum
      Chitraka – Lead Wort (root) – Plumbago zeylanica
      Danti – Baliospermum montanum
      Shati – Curcuma zeodaria / Hedychium spicatum
      Water decoction of Haritaki – Chebulic Myrobalan fruit rind – Terminalia chebula
       Treatment Cost:
       180 days / 6 month treatment cost including 4 different types of medicine to be taken internally will cost you INR 32,400 for full 6 month treatment course.
       Medicine will be sent via DHL to be delivered to your given address
      DHL Courier charge to USA will be INR 6500 only, Therefore total cost including the courier charge will be INR 38,900 only
      Method to order the medicines:
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      You can also make the payment via Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram in the name of Dr. Hameed Ibrahim, Kochi Kerala India and send us the code number of the transfer.
      You can also pay through PayPal, please let us know if you are interested to pay through PayPal. (Service tax applicable)
      Medicines will be sent through courier to your address without revealing any information in the parcel. The parcel of medicine will be concealed and confidential.
      FOR PHONE CONSULTATION you can speak with us on our mobile +91- 9995 202 100 to have further calcification in any of these 6 languages (MALAYALAM, HINDI, URDU, KANNADA, TAMIL and ENGLISH).  
       You can also chat with our doctor on whatsApp on this number +91- 9995 202 100   Did anyone tried it from here?
    • Lilhurp
      Also I’ve had them heal and come back almost immediately. Waiting for culture test results. These are the only symptoms I’ve experienced 

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