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lost love named life


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to no one and / or someone:

i haven't had time to get tested properly,i did go the walk-in clinic twice over the past 2 months and i feel like i'm being treated like someone who just wants attention...they don't seem to belive me when i say that it hurts and burns...and when i did go the blisters had not yet surfaced so i was sent home with cortisone cream or diaper rash cream ...made to feel like i was unjustifiably stressing the health care system ...

now i have blisters to show but just can't make it there...mainly because i'm mentally drained and i don't think i can go and sit at the clinic for 2 hours...so i'll suffer in silence for a little while yet...the pain is agonizing...

mainly, i feel like crying all the time...i'm really up tight...i don't want to see friends because i'm scared i'll hug them and give them what ever i have...

i can't contact the guy who "i think" gave it to me because i know he would blame me...i had not been sexually active for about 2 years prior to hooking up with someone i dated 15 years ago...we had unprotected sex and 2 weeks later i developped a pimple...which is now the site of my blisters...

when i mentioned it to him he told me that what ever it was, i didn't get it from him and i haven't heard from him since...which is fine except that he might be running around infecting people ... i guess when i know for sure i will clear my conscience and leave him a voice mail.

anyway...i'm pretty sure that no one will read this so i might as well just let it out for my own sake...

the thought of the disease is worse than the pain ...and it's really kicking my __ __ __ right now...

i had a dream the other night that i was literally sprinting to the pharmacy to get really strong pain killers that would put me to sleep permanently...that scares me...because i have no family i can talk to...i'm pretty much a loner ...and no one knows how i'm feeling...

i work about 12-15 hours per day...which doesn't help...i'm kind of thinking...what's the point of getting up each day?

imagine..someone educated, not half bad looking, who is a talented artist, interested in philanthropic ventures around the world....with a good job...security...who loves jazz and fine art...fine food...really cares...good at anything she does really...who just doesn't see the point in living anymore...that's really pathetic...

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not pathetic, very sad....because I too feel this way and have since getting this. You are not alone and feel free to private message me anytime....i am here for you...we both could use each others support, so if you want to send me a message and tell me a little more about how you're feeling or even to just talk about anything you feel like talking about.... I am always here. Hope to hear from you sometime....and I wish better days for you very soon :)

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Hi sunny1

I am going through much of the same. The physical part is bad but the mental part is the worst part. Not being able to talk openly about it doesn't help.

The good news is that you can learn about the virus and how to mentally cope with having it. You can change your thoughts to minimize the damage HSV does. I'm not saying it's easy, and I'm partly saying this to myself as I type cuz I'm having a very hard time with HSV too. Some people aren't bothered by HSV, most don't even know they have it. Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

I too had a dream about HSV, last night. Sounds like a good topic for another thread...

Most of all, you aren't alone. Most people have HSV. Odds are you will have gotten HSV at some point before you die of old age.

Send me a note if you want to. Lots of good people here... proof that life is worth living, even with a virus.

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I know what you mean about the educated... cultured... aspects our lives feeling SO at odds with this disease... It feels so... contradictory. I'm sorry..

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Hi, Sunny1,

Sounds like you're hurting. Sorry to hear your pain. I hope you don't feel defeated just yet cause seems to me anybody that's as gifted as you has had the capacity to enjoy life on alot of different levels. Chances are, you've brought alot of joy to other people too...

I want to remind you that if you have blisters or sores now you would do well to muster up any reserves needed to go back to the dr. cause now is when they could probably take a swab and maybe give you something to aid in your physical comfort. Your health is way more important than anyone's judgement call. Besides, could be they're not judging you they just had a bad day or bad news or...

So please continue posting cause apparently we're reading your posts and we care. Ms.

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hope - vision - support

you are all really great people to have taken time out of your personal lives to answer my call for support...and it worked.

today i feel like i'm not going to go down without a fight...in fact, i have decided that i'm not going to let this MF get me down on my knees... the MF is in for a mega war effort on all fronts...

so thank you all for giving me vision, hope and caring support...

today i am attacking that MF head on... i know there will be really hard some days and i will keep in touch, there is no one i can talk to besides this board...

today i am researching how diet affects HVS and outbreaks, i found this interesting article:

Popcorn has a high argine to lysine ratio, but those prone to herpes can still enjoy it. After popping, sprinkle with Nutritional Yeast (from the health store). This adds a cheesy flavor to the popcorn. The arginine is neutralized because one tablespoon of nutritional yeast contains 190 mg. more lysine than arginine.

Now, i was worried because i eat a lot of grains, all the things on the "bad" food list, but here i'm thinking that adding a considerable portion of Nutritional yeast to every meal might work well, especially when eating whole grains since the above suggests that arginine can be "neutralized"... Angevita yeast is particularly tasty, and high in vit. B.

...god i hope this newly found strength in my heart sticks around...

if anyone knows of a more varied (kamut, rye, flax) Lysine / Arginine food chart, please let me know...most of the foods i eat are not on the one provided on this website..

well, take care now...and talk soon i hope icon11.gif


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hey sunny since you're looking at triggers etc. I thought I'd mention that I also decided I'd beat this one with nutrition and eliminated every trigger food I could find on every list and what I found is that some definitely bother me and thankfully others don't. If I know I'm going to enjoy one on the list that I am more sensitive to I supplement with the L-lysine and so far it is beginning to work.

My bad ones are corn and tree nuts.

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trial and error

makes sense...we're all different...i thought i would illiminate jsut about everything i can think of then introduce those i am most fond of 1 at a time to see if anything happens...right now i just want the nightmare to end so i'm trying anything and everything...but if and when the OB gets under control, i might try and re-introduce some foods...thanks...icon11.gif

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Food or drink dont seem to trigger me OB, to get them when im stressing out over something, the football results (soccer to you lot) a bad day at work or sumit along those lines

so now, i dont let stuff stress me out that i cant control, its not my fault my boss is in a foul mood, not my fault Nathan tyson (football striker) cant hit a barn door, etc etc

to be honest, i burn the candle at both ends, i drink heavily, party heavily, dont get enough sleep and smoke!!

none of the above gives me an outbreak

now i have a shit day at work, boss is screaming at me, cus hes in a foul mood and wants to shout, next day, up pops a pimple !!

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doctor's note!

hey! maybe i should get a doctor's note clarifying that i am HSV positive and that stress greatly aggravates my condition...

then, i could ask administration to provide me with stress-free environment...you know, some people i work with get migraines and the union forced the employer to install different light bulbs in the office...some people have to have chalk boards removed from classroom because of dust allergies...

i say: i'm just as important and i deserve to work in an environment that fosters good health!

the board could start with lowering my class size... i like it!



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