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Broken hearted mom

Looking for advice and have no where else to go.

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Broken hearted mom

My 17 year old daughter has just been diagnosed with genital herpes. I am supportive and trying to make her as comfortable as possible. She has had flu symptoms for a month and finally could not walk. The doctor diagnosed the herpes and she had blood in her urine.

My need for advice comes from the fact that she wants to stay with her boyfriend who infected her. He has been oblivious since the diagnosis until yesterday when he found a couple of blisters on his penis. What can I do to help her see that this relationship is doomed? This is not the first time he has been dishonest. She feels desperate and thinks no one else will love her. Her logic is that they both have it so it will be safer to stay together.

I don't want to be overbearing but I feel this relationship must end!

Please help.

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ICherri

OMy best friend also stayed for a while wit the guy who have it to her for similar reasons of who will love me..we both have it and so forth.. Her family especially her father was filled with so much rage and sorrow. He wanted to kill the guy..not cause he gave her herpes but cause he was a jus a terrible person who lied and cheated and used her for money.

I begged her to leave him too and start new but...

Long story short..she.stayed wit him for a couple months before she realized the reality of the relationship.

Ur daughter needs time to cope woth this and ur encouragement that herpes doesnt mean shes stuck in this relationship but in the end u might have to wait for her to figure it out. Encourage her to beleive in her own beauty and goals

My friend who is older than ur daughter at 31 is now married wit a baby boy and no not to the same gut but a loving big teddy bear of a man. It was a long hard road for her filled with low self worth..more bad guys but her parent keep pushing with positive encouragement. She graduated from college too.

HANG IN THERE..BEING A MOM IS NOT EVER EASY!

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Broken hearted mom

I feel instinctively that I should keep her away from him. But I also know that where there is a will there is a way. Thank you for sharing a similar experience. I don't know how long your friend stayed with her boyfriend. Perhaps nature should take it's course. Just feel helpless right now.

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MsLucy

Being a mother myself (my son is 20 now) I know how hard it is to believe with all your heart that your child is on the sure road to disaster, and feel powerless to change the course they're on.

Of course you'd love to see this guy disappear from her life, and you blame him for her current condition, but did he have any idea that he had herpes to begin with? Many people with herpes have no idea at all that they have it. And, as hard as this is to hear, if she had any previous sexual partners, it could be she contracted it from someone else. If this is her bf's first ob, it's something that should be considered before you get out the shotgun.

We want our kids to be perfect. We don't want them to make mistakes that will hurt them. We want to keep them safe, and make sure they do all the right things. But, we can't, and you know that. They'll make lots of mistakes that we could (and have) told them were mistakes, but they won't listen. They'll do what they think is right for them based on their limited life experience, and find out somewhere along along the way that Mom was right after all. But isn't that how we got to know all this stuff ourselves... by making those same mistakes, and dealing with the consequences?

As hard as it is for you, this will work itself out. At 17, you can't really dictate her life anymore, or force her to do anything. She'll find a way around you if she's determined. Be there for her. Try to support her as sincerely as you can, and if it all falls apart, don't say "I told you so". Just be there. That's about all you can do for her right now.

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Broken hearted mom

Ms. Lucy

Yes, he is her first boyfriend. And she loves him. The jury remains out as to whether he knew beforehand. But we know that it came from him. His timely outbreak yesterday has me furious.

You don't know how much I appreciate your advice. You reiterated things that I knew in my head but my hear would not process.

Still in the shocked phase, but I am remaining strong for her. He is my weakness. I cannot say anything positive about their relationship.

I don't know why it is so hard to watch my girls fall and get back up. I want them to listen and avoid the pitfall. But you are so right. We fell time and time again and eventually we got the message.

Thank you so much!

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GntiNh

As a parent I have wanted to beat the hell out of gfs that have hurt my sons and it's so hard not to intervene. But as Ms Lucy said all you can do is be there for her and give her your love and support.

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WishIknewthen

Try not to get involved with her relationship. I know it's hard having raised five myself but I have also seen parents get involved and it sometimes makes the child cling even more to the boy or girl friend. They will find out on their own that the person was wrong for them. My son spent two years with a gal that was nothing but trouble. He FINALLY got it and learned a lot of lessons on the way. If I had jumped in she probably would have talked him into marriage and turned him against us. Sucks to watch but we all have to learn.

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Broken hearted mom

Thank you all so much. I am more confident in the way I will handle this. I am trying to keep my mouth shut. (It's hard!) However, I really appreciate the kind words of wisdom. Thank you again so much.

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