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Exposed on Easter (4/8/07)... diagnosed on Friday the 13th


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Hi I am happy to have found this forum. I do not have herpes but I have met a very nice Lady that respected me and herself enough to tell me that she does have the virus. I have alot of questions I would like ask someone about herpes so I can be more informed about preventing myself from contacting it from her.

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Thank You ...I waited awhile and did not see an answer ...but I am back now.

She contacted it from her Ex Husband and her Dr. recognized the spot to be herpes. She has always had them in her mouth since she was a child. She has had one recurance. I am new to this but I have been looking on the Internet for the last few days.

Starter Questions...She does not have any visible spots at this time and is curently taking Valtrex once daily.

1.) Do you only get the virus when you touch the area wher her inflamation ius visible? She only has had one spot show up but the Doc saw it and told her it was herpes.

2.) Exactly what does intercourse have to do with transfer if you are not in contact with her spot?

3.) Is oral sex on her off limits if not in direct contact with the outbreak area?

Please forgive my ignorance but I am trying to educate myself...Weldon

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herpes can be transmitted WITH OR WITHOUT any visible symptoms present. You do not have to see a sore or have a sore be present to spread the virus. The virus asymptomatically sheds (meaning is present on the skin and contagious when you can not see it and never have any way to know its there a certain percentage of the time, that varies for each person) and it is more likely to pass it on during a time when one is not aware the virus is actually on the skin.

If she has it in her mouth then it is possible for her to spread it to you orally, with or without symptoms present....same goes for transferring it to your genitals...can happen with or without her sores/inflammation present.

If she performs oral sex on you the only way she could do so and be somewhat safe is by having you wear a condom...even then there is a small risk you could still contract it.

If she has herpes vaginally then you could get it orally BY performing oral sex on her, even without symptoms present. Or, you could get it genitally from having sex with her, regardless of whether she has symptoms at the time. There is never a guarantee and a person with herpes is considered hypothetically contagious at all times, as there is no way to know when the virus is shedding without symptoms present. This is not meant to scare you away, it is meant to inform you of the reality of what comes along with herpes. There is also a small chance to pass on the virus from her mouth or genitals (if infected that way too) to your or her own fingers if you have an open cut, or torn cuticle and you touch her down below or put your fingers inside her at a time she happens to be spreading the virus....so make sure you have no open skin on your hands, and wash your hands immediately afterwards. By trying to be as safe as possible, it definitely lessens the risk, but there is nothing that totally eliminates the risk anytime you have any sexual contact with an area of a person that is infected with this virus. Hope this clarifies things for you a bit. There is also tons of research out there further explaining these things, as well as a wealth of experience and knowledge from people on here under the different postings and threads so yo should find it helpful. Hope it works out for you guys....its hard to find people like you willing to look at us as human beings afflicted by a disease, and not as societal lepers defined by our disease.

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Thank you BoxofRain for taking the time to give us your very thorough and informative answer ...that is why I came here to learn all I can about Herpes. I am 57 years old and she is a very beautifull woman of 60 ...beautiful both inside and out ...and so full of life! I hope to get her knowledge and experience of this disease passed on to others too.

Thank You again BoxofRain ...Weldon

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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