He Won't Kiss Me Anymore!

[vanja]

Ever since he found out that I have a cold sore our relationship changed. He begun avoiding oral sex and kissing. I really care about him and we have a great time together, therefore this was driving me crazy. I tried explaining to him that he can not be affected unless the cold sore is active but it did not help. He finaly checked out few web sites to learn more about but it just made it worse. He began to avoid seeing me which is breaking my heart. If we don't find the way to overcome this problem our relationship won't survie.

What do I do?!!

[BoxofRain]

Im sorry you are going through this right now, and I am just wondering if you had been seeing him a while before telling him you had oral herpes and now he is freaked out because he was never aware....or did he always know and then he actually saw you with a cold sore and is freaking out now. Also, it is more likely to spread oral herpes when an active cold sore is present, but there is also a small risk of passing the virus on when nothing visible is present....and there are actually a few people on here who got genital herpes from a partner who had oral herpes, but no cold sores or anything visible at the time they contracted it, so while it may be a small risk, it is a real risk and a legitimate cause for fear from someone who is afraid of getting the virus. I hope the guy you are seeing at least talks to you about his concerns instead of just avoiding you....but he does have a right to not want to risk getting it from you, as hard as that is to accept. If he is not willing to risk it then he is clearly not the right person for you and you deserve someone who is in fact willing to kiss you and be close with you regardless, who isnt so paralyzed with fear when it comes to any oral contact with you. I hope things work out, but if he truly is that afraid and doesnt want to even kiss you then he is clearly not right for you, as hard as it is to see right now. You deserve to be loved 100% by someone else and to the right person they will be willing to take a little risk and will not be so freaked out. Hope things look up for you soon.

[gutted.]

i agree with BOR, if they wont at least talk openly then whats the point talking at all...

my girlfriend knows full well the risks, ive been open and honest about everything H can and cant do, shown her sum websites etc etc

i gave her the "choice!"

and she chosen to risk it, because, she loves, and why should a little skin defect stand in the way of love?

i fear that sum people will use this virus as a reason for not wanting you, rather then say the truth.

[vanja]

Thanks for your input...

He probably is not the right person for me, you are right about that. We do talk about it but as he learns more the more he is afraid. He did say that if we are in commited relationship he would be O.K. with it, but we are not and he is seeing other people so part of his fear is passing to somebody else.

I was also wandering is it really possible to get infected in 40s (that is his age)? I believed that it is only possible when you are child or a young adult.

[BoxofRain]

No that is not true.....a person can be infected at any age....from infancy, all the way to age 90 and above....the virus does not descriminate....affects any type of person at any age.

[uk girl]

I am coming up to 40!!!! and have just caught it off my husband in the last month,we have been together 7 years, he suffers from coldsores(about 1 a year) he passed it to me via oral sex and he didnt have a sore present, i was diagnosed later the following week with genital hsv1, I often wonder why now, not when we first met when we were at it like rabbits and going thru the karma sutra!!!

[BoxofRain]

hey UK, probably he just happened to never be shedding the virus at any time when you had sexual contact. It is more common than you think.....the longer you are with someone who has it, the closer the odds are to you getting it. I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend and three years into our relationship I developed a horrible "yeast infection" randomly, and went to the doc. and almost fell off the table from shock. He went and got tested and was horrified and also become severely depressed like me when he found out he had it in his body and never knew, not to mention he had a long term girlfriend before me and none of his previous girlfriends ever had a sign or any indication of anything so it makes me wonder if he got it from his last girlfriend, or had it before her, and just never transferred the virus to her during their 2 year relationship, which is also a possibility since the virus only sheds a certain percentage of the time, and some times the odds are in a persons favor and the times they happen to engage in sexual contact, the virus is never present on the other person, thus never infecting the other person. But the more times you have sexual contact and never contract it, the closer you get to a day when your luck will run out, and the person will be shedding the virus randomly.

[uk girl]

I have to say i think this is a real wierd virus, it has no set patterns, can effect some not others,so many different types of symptoms.

I think if we were all to be more open about having this(understand we cant)then the medical proffesion and drug companies would do more research,but while we dont feel we can come out with this problem, they will never know how many people are effected, so probably see it as a small percentage of the population not worth doing anything about.