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Dynamite

hello, new here

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Dynamite

Hello, wanted to say hello and share some of my story.

I have struggled with cold sores (fever blisters) on my lips for as far back as I can remember. Even in grade school I remember having them. It seems my family on both sides gets them.

At 18 I married and had 2 kids. (Still married) I found that my husband also gets them on his lips not often but he does. He told me he's been getting them also since a child.

When I was 21 my house went up for foreclosure so my cousin offered me a place there with her with my kids and my husband.

Ever since I stayed with her I noticed I now at times get them in my nose she tries to tell me she's never gotten them in her nose til I was living there lol id rather have them on my lip as my nose is sensitive.

In 2011 I cheated on my husband. It wasn't intentional but he was neglecting me and I met a guy who showed me attention and affection that I was craving.

I felt so horrible about it I wind up telling my husband. He forgave me and we decided to work on our marriage and fix the reasons that's caused me to cheat on him.

I noticed for about a month after I cheated everytime me and my husband had sex I would bleed afterward. I got scared and went to planned parenthood. I told my husband I may have something I was up front. He was understanding. They only checked me for chlymedia gonnoreah and siphilis. Everything came back negative.

A few months rolled by it was time for my yearly papsmear. I had pimples I would get ever since I was 18 but didn't really think much of it til I cheated. So I finally had one that was there the day I went in. I asked my ob to check it as I was worried it could be herpes. He checked it and said it was a sabaceous cyst. I told him I get them everyone in a while and noticed I get them more in the summer when I am hot and sweaty there.

it has almost the same symptoms as herpes. U get a very tingly feeling and it pops and scabs etc. So it scared me. I still have a part of me that thinks it still can be herpes. I don't know maybe I think into it to much? Or maybe its because its the same symptoms (besides the flu like symptoms)

Everytime now something don't feel right down there first thing I think is oh no what if I have herpes. I am so scared of getting it and it seems when I look up symptoms it goes back to herpes and that's how I found this site. I am glad I did. I amdue for my yearly and while I'm there I am going to ask my ob to check me for it. I wonder if its my subconscience allowing me to get ready for it. I'm not sure. I have had a rough childhood I'm 26 now and just started dealing and getting past everything I have gone through. From loosing my parents at a young age, to being molested at a young age, being put away (my family abandoned me after my parents died) grieving my parents, and being violently raped when I was 18 (by a family member). I instead of jumping to drugs which seemed glamourous at the age of 18 when I left placements got married got my highschool diploma and at 20 got my CAN license. I always wanted to be a nurse and help the elderly. I love elderly. I have so much love to give and no family besides my kids to give it to so that's why I got into the nursing field. I am hoping its just me thinking to much into things.

I understand there's no excuse to committ adultry but I was just craving attention and jumped on the opportunity. I regret it everyday. Although I have a loving supportive husband I am scared if it turns out to be h he will leave me. So there's a little about me.

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Createss Galore

Hi Dynamite:

Welcome to HCSN. This is a great place to be with many resources and friends to make. You should be proud of yourself for reaching out to help others, though you have had an unfortunate and difficult childhood. To me a good way to begin healing is to help others to have what I feel I did not receive.

First of all, if you truly have cold sores, that is herpes, HSV-1. I guess when you say you're so afraid of having herpes, you mean HSV-2. You mean you are terrified of having genital herpes?

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Teacher

Both you and your husband have herpes. Cold sores on the mouth is oral herpes. It could be HSV1 or HSV2, probably HSV1 though. They are the same virus albeit HSV2 is a little worse than HSV1. If your husband has ever performed oral sex on you, he could have transmitted his HSV to your genital region, in which case you would have genital HSV (GHSV). And you could also transmit your oral HSV to his genital region through oral sex. The best way to know would be to go to your GYN and have a sore swabbed. Most assuredly, you will test positive for HSV through a blood test, but that won't tell you if you have it in your genital region because of your history of cold sores.

Since you have children, I would suggest not sharing cups and silverware with your children, that will lessen the chances of you giving it to them.

Now to the harder parts of your message. I don't think you have forgiven yourself for your unfaithfulness to your husband. You need to do that if you want your marriage to progress in a healthy way. Not forgiving yourself keeps you and your husband rooted in your mistake and that isn't fair for anyone in your family. Your husband wants to move forward, and you probably do too, so stop punishing yourself for something you can't change.

Do you know how strong you are? You have had to be, right? You probably feel you have been strong, not by choice, but by circumstance. But you still CHOSE to be strong instead of crumbling. And I am sure you have had your moments of crumbling, but you still made your way through.

And do you know how beautiful you are? Choosing to pour love into older people out of your knowledge that you have love to give--even in the absence of love that wasn't shown to you? That is incredibly beautiful.

Your life is to be celebrated. Your love is to be championed. You are strong and loving and beautiful. My suggestion to you is to put together a step-by-step plan of how to move forward. What can you do each day to pour something into yourself while building strong bonds w/ your husband and children? What investment can you make today so that you can have a reward tomorrow? Sit down with your husband and come up with action steps that you both can DO so that yesterday is gone and your future is the best it can be.

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Dynamite

At create that's what I meant I know cold sores are herpes I was meaning genital and yes he and I both given each other oral in the course of our almost 9yr marriage. I didn't realize even if both have cold sore orally (same type let's just say) it can be transmitted genitally. I am terrified of having ghsv2. I will be talking to my gyn at my next pap appointment. And @teacher thank you for such strong words of encouragement u don't know how much that means to me. I teared up (good tears). Its nice to know someone acknowledges the beauty I have to offer :) I haven't heard such words before (besides my husband) and u are right I do need to learn to forgive myself (we are in marriage counseling also which is helping) thank u guys so much. I am glad to be here and that I found this site. :)

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Teacher

Well you should hear those words more often. As a teacher, I hear those words from my students. As a friend, I hear them from my friends. But I hear them because I say them. I tell my students and I tell my friends. It is a normal part of my life. Dynamite, you teach people how to treat you. So when you treat others as beautiful, they will treat you as beautiful. If they don't, then maybe that person shouldn't be in your life? With your children, you show them the beautiful things in life and they will share their visions with you. Tell your husband what you need. He wants to make you happy, teach him how to do that, through both your treatment of yourself, your treatment of him, and your words.

As far as HSV2? Stop worrying about it. You are with someone who loves you whether you have it or not. You are with someone who loves you unconditionally. Stop putting conditions in the way. Read posts here so that you can get educated on how to protect your husband and focus on ways to make your marriage better. Your husband clearly wants you to know how beautiful you are. Start believing him and move forward. Hugs to you.

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lighttunnel

Hi Dynamite. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am in a similar situation and I can't tell you how much it means to hear that there's even one other person out there going through this and surviving. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. Thank you again.

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    • Thomas29
      I’ll stop doing it then hahah yeah mine doo too they are like milk spots but these bad boys have got a lot of them in them!! I think these are the ones that was under my skin I’ll stop touching them hopefully they’ll go away I’ve never had a blister/ spot on my lips or inside my mouth so i was just been curious if it’s on my face or so, thank you for advice tho lovely 
    • sameer82
      I would suggest you don t have to tell many people about it you have HSV ..May be you can tell people with whom you are in relationship now or any future partners ..telling anyone else will make unnecessary more worrying only ... 
    • sameer82
      Stop picking them or poping them and see does it goes away on its own ? i also get some of these on my forehead with white discharge sometimes ..but my poping them it spreads to more area of skin ..
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      Im from The Illinois side
    • Lilhurp
      No I’m kinda embarrassed to go pick up the prescription to be honest. How do they work for u?
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