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hopeless269

Why did I confide in someone I thought I could trust? Why?!?

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hopeless269

Okay so I have been living with my "condition" for a year and four months. At the beginning of last summer was working at a bar and very single and most not interested in any man. But this one man in particular wanted me so bad. He pursued me until he got me but before I made him my bf I had the "talk" with him. I told him my condition what the risks he would take if we were intimate and he accepted me. Finally I thought someone who accepts me, YES!!!! I even let him move in my apartment things were going well until I saw the real him and yes we were intimate but I was very careful I was in fact super paranoid so we mostly resorted to him masturbating and him pleasuring me and it was okay. But when I knew I was not having a ob he wasn't comfortable with full blown intercourse which I toltally understood. I started to realize he had issues with alcohol and we had so many problems I told him one more time in this new year and we are done and you are out. Low and behold he did it again I kicked him out and broke up with him. He's since then has been up and down nice and mean and saying hurtfull things about me and my "condition" I blocked his number because I couldn't take it anymore and then he started saying I gave it to him. He said he went to the hospital yesterday and they told him he had it and he said he had cold sores and was super sick with a headache and his balls hurt. So of course someone with a heart like me wanted to be his supoort system and met him up last night I asked to see the discharge papers he didn't have them I asked to see his rx for the drugs we all know you have to take and he didn't have that. I soon began to realize he wanted to talk about how bad our relationship was and why did it end and I was like aren't you sick and mind you I picked him up from the gym. Now I know it takes time to heal from your first ob I was in bed for a week and no sign of not one cold sore of the 3 he said he had I mean he looked just like how I left him in perfect health. But I also know that this is very contagious and why would someone lie about something that is so terrible for me and for alot of us. To get me back? He started to realize that I wasn't gonna get back with him but offered meds and supoort didn't want neither. Called me at my job telling me how can I run around doing this to people but mind you I was upfront he had a choice and when I asked for proof because I felt it was a ploy to get me in his presence and beg for forgiveness he grew angry. Now he's threating to call my jobs come to my jobs and embarras me and tell the world my secret that he only knows because it was the right thing to do. This man is a compulsive liar but since I have the condition I can't help but feel responsible. Why doesn't he just show me proof I checked the time lenght of a same day testing facility and it took them 3 days to get results for the HSV1 or HSV2 results but he said he got them in a half an hour. Now I know I cannot control what people do but I need someone out there to read this and give me words of advice or strengh to get through this. I tried doing the right thing by telling him but now that I don't want to be with him he says he has it and hates me and is gonna ruin my character. Honestly I'm scared of what people what think but if he does do it I'm glad so people could know. That this is real and people are spreading without even having the talk. But I did what I was supposed to do and now I'm fucked socially. Someone help:embarassed:

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Teacher

My heart goes out to you. What a horrible thing he is doing to you. I am wondering if you should contact the police and ask them about your options in regards to stalking laws. His threats to come to your jobs seems illegal. He is a horrible person.

I had a similar situation with a man who had naked pictures of me. He threatened me with them because I broke up with him...same thing, threatened to send them to my school, etc. I contacted a lawyer who sent him a threatening letter about the illegal nature of what he was doing (his threats came via email, sent from his job). I also told him I didn't care. I told him if that's what he was going to do then do it. And then I ended all contact with him. No phone calls, emails, facebook, etc. He was no longer able to engage me because I didn't allow it.

The other thing I did was tell my friends, who were INCREDIBLY supportive. And yes, my HSV was an aspect of it, but not my most consuming fear, because HSV couldn't cost me my job whereas a bunch of high schoolers having access to naked pictures of their teacher could.

The other thing I now do, is REALLY pay attention to how a man treats his exgirlfriends and others. This particular man was not usually nice to people he didn't like. He was nice to people he cared for and that was it. So there were no suprises that when he and I had issues, he was mean.

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chickentuna

hi hopeless. i read this and it brought me back to a relationship i was in when i was about 15. a very controlling, physical and verbally abusive relationship. when I finally had the courage to end it, he did very similar things to me as this guy is doing to you. he threatened me in many ways, came to my house uninvited, i had to call the cops on numerous occasions. as well as still having control over me in other aspects of my life, including threatening to ruin MY character as well. he said he would "out" me for being a drunk,partier, sex fiend (which i was NOT ., i drank once with him and that was it, and having sex with him i did because HE wanted it, forced it, etc. not me, which is another sign of his abuse that i should have seen). so he did just that, however it never ruined me or hurt my character in the time after our breakup. he did this for a year after our breakup and finally stopped. it was hell for me at my age.

i really did understand your post because of the abuse my ex gave me, and the abuse this guy is giving you. just realize it is NOT okay to stalk, abuse, blackmail, control you. for one thing, if you are nervous about what he could do, i would get a hold of the police itwon't hurt and they will be on your side if he doest try to do anything. i just want you to know that what he is doing is NOT okay.

and as for the hsv, its very hard when you first get this, but i promise you, as my ex did NOT hurt my character, this guy will NOT hurt yours. time will be needed to get through hsv, and just stay strong through this. don't let him take any more control of your life. really, screw him. he doesnt deserve any ounce of joy from doing this to you, IF he even does it. your life is not fucked socially, if it is, it's only because you are letting it. so like i said, stay strong and you WILL be able to survive all of this. hope this helps.

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