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Buzzcouple

Married and just found out please help!

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Buzzcouple

So we just found out that my wife has herpes, dont know what kind just yet. After so many classes that we had growing up, we still dont know how this is going to affect our relationship sexually and emotionall, and we are really in the dark with this. This has come as a shock to us, and never did we think that this could happen to us. I have yet to be tested since we just found out (going to the doctor tomorrow). Niether of us have been unfaithful in the six years of marriage, so we are unsure of who gave it to whom. Doctor said that there is a possibilty that one of us may have had it before and we are just finding out. We are both really emotional and we are just looking for some type of guidance and support. Thanks for your help.

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goddess8

It is good you are getting tested. You may already have it too, in which case neither of you needs to worry about transmission to the other. You are in a loving relationship. You will be fine. Neither of you has to worry about having the talk at any time in the future as long as you are together and you have a closed relationship. It is great that neither one of you is trying to assign blame. That puts you way ahead of the game in adjusting.

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Cymenthy

goddess8 is 100% right. If you are both positive, it shouldn't affect your relationship at all, especially if you do not have ob's, which is entirely possible. Many people are with h negative mates for years and years. Yes, you should get tested, because you will naturally want to know. You should also educate youself about herpes, and this is a great place to learn about the virus. The first thing you should realize is that this is just a vilrus, not a virilent disease which will dibilatate either of you. There are some things you may have to cope with, but nothing you can't handle. As long as there is love and caring you will just fine.

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QueenJane

Hi Buzz, and welcome! I'm newly diagnosed as well, and will be updating my own story here in just a few minutes, as I finally have as much information as I'm going to get....at least for a while.

I am so happy you're supporting your wife right now. No doubt, she is devastated and feels "icky", not to mention that there will be a lot of grieving over the loss of "sexual health" and all the things we think we have when we are ignorant about H (meaning nothing negative....we were all in that place "before" and now we are all in a new place, having realized that H can strike in the most unexpected ways). Your wife just needs to know how much you love her right now. Everything else will come together in time, slowly.

Like you, I'm in a long-term monogamous relationship. We never expected this. But it will be ok. Keep hanging out here. Keep reading and getting educated. There is hope, and lots of it. You'll make friends here, and you'll find out how other couples cope.

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