Where do I go from here?

[derek]

I’ve met someone who I very much care for. Recently she told me that she had contracted herpes about three years ago. She takes Valtrex and has not had an outbreak in about one year. I did as much research online as one person can do, but I still am very confused. I’m waiting for my DR to give me a call back so he can answer a few questions, but sometimes they are not always the most knowledgeable on some subjects since they have so many things to deal with. Here’s my dilemma. What do I do now? I really want to stay with her, but what am I risking? I’ve read that people get it so easily, but I’ve also read that people have long relationships and never pass it on to their partner. I’m so confused. What do I need to know before I can move on with her? Please help.

[BoxofRain]

some people do stay together for years and never pass it, and some people say together and the partner gets it. What you have to ask yourself is would you be able to handle getting this, as it is a risk that is never going to go away every time you have any sexual contact with her. Its the hard reality of it, but even with meds., even without a visible outbreak present on the skin, the virus still sheds on the skin a certain percentage of the time when no symptoms are visible and is contagious during that time. Takng precautions to LESSEN your risk of getting it would include always using a condom, even when she does not have anything visible, either abstaining from giving her oral sex at all times, or to use a dental dam as a barrier of protection every time you perform oral sex on her, after you touch her down below, wash your hands very well with soap and water, and always make sure BEFORE touching her below that you have no open cuts or torn cuticles, etc. as you may be able to get it on your hands on some occasions if she is shedding the virus and doesnt know she is (and you have any open skin on the hand touching her) but that is only going to be a risk a smaller percentage of the time, as a person usually sheds a percentage of time each year....the reason for all the precautions is because you will never know which days the virus is present without symptoms. As far as her giving you oral sex, that can be unprotected and you will be fine, as long as she doesnt have the virus in her mouth, and only has it genitally. Also, ask her where she does get her outbreaks and whether or not you wearing a condom, will protect you from the area she gets her outbreaks because a lot of outbreaks occur outside of where a condom will touch on her and if that is the case then you will want to know the risk even more so to you. (example I mean is if she has an outbreak or sheds the virus on the top part of the vagina and that part of her skin touches against your skin (outside of the condom you have on) then you are at risk to get it in that area. For me, unfortunately that is the case, I get my symptoms of the virus on the top part of my vagina and so my boyfriend wearing a condom does not protect or lessen his risk of getting it from me.

ok well sorry this was so long, but this is pretty much what you can do to LESSEN the risk you will get it. Some people go for years being very careful and are lucky to never pass it on, but there are also many people, despite being careful that get it accidentaly, so just understand there is always going to be some risk involved. If you stay with her and take all the precautions then hope for the best and remember to get tested every couple months to insure you havent contracted the virus, because it is very common to contract the virus and not have any signs that you have contracted it. For a lot of people, they contract the virus and it immediately goes to hide in the persons nerves, never producing signs or symptoms, so people never have any reason to believe they could have symptoms, and that is why so many people have no idea they could in fact have herpes and be able to spread it. Also, when people are tested for ALL STDS, they are not tested for herpes, which is insane huh? but its the truth. They dont test for herpes unless you specifically ask for a herpes blood test in addition to the test for ALL STDs....so many people are not aware of this and have a false sense of security and are running around thinking they are free of all stds after their tests, when in fact they are free from everything EXCEPT herpes. Before having sex it is a good idea for you to get an STD test AND a herpes type specific blood test to know if you might have type 1 or 2 and have no idea. Its a good idea to find out beforehand....some people are shocked to find out its that easy to be carrying and never have any idea how they got it. So, good luck to you...hopefully you guys can take the precations and things will be fine for you.