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hopeless269

My ex says I passed it to him but I'm not so sure.

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hopeless269

My ex knew I had HSV 1&2 before we even got together I explained the risks and he accepted it. I was very careful the few times we had sex and I decided I didn't want to be with him and kicked him out. First he went through emotional heartache and then all the sudden he said he had symoptoms and cold sore. Concerned I went to meet him to give him meds he had not one cold sore and seemed in perfect health. Any men out there can help me on how your first ob was. Mine was the worst. He said he went to the hospital and they gave him results in a half an hour and even though my doctor thought it was herp because of how bad my ob was I had to wait 4 days for my results to be confirmed. In suspicion I asked him questions like what rx's did they give you how are you working out at the gym? And which one they said you have to trick him he said he had both cold sores and lesions on his penis and he had type 1. But if that was true wouldn't he have been diagnosed with 1 & 2 like me? I never let him give me oral because I was paranoid and I take Valtrex everyday since I've been diagnosed for the past year. Now he's threating to tell family, friends, and co-workers what I did to him. Even though I was honest does it sound like bs to you all? Men was your first ob nothing and you just went in for a blood test and got the results the same day? Or am I being lied to because he is bitter about the breakup? Anyone? Help me because I told him lets go to my doctor but he says he doesn't have to prove anything. Why not? Right? He is a compulsive liar and I just can't trust him I need proof. Just how I got proof on paper. Where's his paper?!? I feel terrible if I did but he knew what the situation was not trying to be cold but this man made me really unhappy so I needed to get out.But now he wants to ruin me and I just gotta text telling me he tried to explain to my dad what I gave him but my dad did not understand. Is he just trying to get a reaction can someone bounce back from their first ob within 3 days? He said he was sick the whole weak but the calls and harassment about other shit wasfull blown and now the calls and harrassment is about how I'm a dirty whore and I'm going to pay for what I did to him. But like I said he doesn't seem sick he said the md perscribed dynaclear?!? Isn't that only available online I got valtrex and zovirax cream and he got dynaclear? Anyone help me understand this nonsense I think it's bullshit to destroy me and I think I protected him through our relationship we had sex like 3 times throughout these 2 months we were together because I was trying to protect him and be careful as possible. How does it sound like it can be true or is it bullshit not sure need men and women to educate me more. Because I've been studying and reading about herp since that day I was diagnosed and I have never heard of someone saying yea I got it loook what you did to me but then have no proof just information from what I taught him and what he got from online. Someone help what do you guys think?:confused:

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QueenJane

Oh boy. What a jerk. I'm not saying if he is or isn't lying, I'm just saying he's a jerk. Because anyone who would threaten to tell people what you "did to him" is a jerk. Anyone who would call your DAD and talk like that is worse than a jerk. He's an @$$. You sure don't need that kind a person in your life.

But I also want to warn you that he could be dangerous. Maybe he's not, maybe he's just a creep who will go away if you stand your ground. I hope so! But I can also tell he's an abuser. Getting rid of him might be difficult, so you need to stand your ground and be firm, but BE SAFE. Read about the risks of breaking up with an abusive person, and take measures to be sure you're safe. Get help. Talk to people. PM me if you want to talk more about this.

As for his symptoms, tests and meds, I agree with you, it sounds fishy. Here's what I would suggest. Put the burden of proof on him. Leave it there. Tell him that you want to see his test results. Be kind, but be firm and resolute. He can spread all the rumors he wants, and yeah...some people might even believe it. But if he has no proof to show them OR you, then you still have the "upper hand". If anyone comes to you saying "He said you have (or gave him) herpes", calmly say "Yeah, he's telling people that. Did he show you any medical test results?" No? then say "Yeah, that's the same response I got when I asked for proof. He's full of crap." Now you're not saying that you do or don't have it, you're just putting the burden of proof back on HIM where it belongs. He has nothing to prove that YOU have herpes, and he probably has nothing to prove that HE has herpes.

If he does have test results, and if someone has seen them, then you can say, "That's funny, he won't show them to me. Why do you think that is?" and see what kind of answers you get. You never need to cop to anything here. You just need to keep putting the burden of proof back on him until he takes responsibility...or goes away.

If you think it's safe to have a conversation with him about this, be VERY calm and don't attack him. Have a trusted friend with you who can also stay calm. You have to keep your cool with a guy like this, so things don't get too heated. Know when to walk away (and when to run). Tell him (nicely) that nothing he's saying makes sense, and you want to try to understand better what is going on. Tell him you're happy to take responsibility if you did something wrong, but also remind him that you two discussed this, and he knew the risks. Point out (nicely) that doctors don't prescribe Dynamiclear. And test results take days (or weeks, in the case of a culture), not minutes. And outbreaks last for a lot longer than 3 days. If he says he bought Dynamiclear online, ask him to show you his receipt. And you might even ask him where the residual scars are (if you feel you can safely get away with questions like this). Even Dynamiclear doesn't claim to heal all the skin in such a short time, that's why they also sell the Aloe gel stuff.

If he says he doesn't have to prove anything, say that's true. But then it will just be his word against yours when he tells "all those people" about it, and if all he cares about is trashing you to your friends and family, then you want nothing to do with him anyway. Then just walk away and never, ever look back.

Hugs to you. PM me if you need to talk.

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QueenJane

One more thing...

One more thing, sweetie. You don't have to talk to him AT ALL. I said a lot of stuff there about "say this" and "say that". But the fact is, you have NO REASON to talk to a man who treats you like dirt.

You can just skip to the end of my post and read those words again and again: WALK AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

Let him talk all he wants. Let him say all the crap he wants to say. You know who you are, and what he says isn't going to drive away your TRUE friends. He's only going to make himself look like an idiot.

I'm speaking from personal experience with a guy like this. They are all the same, blowing smoke out their @$$es.

There is no level of talking that will ever change him. Don't try.

So here it is again: WALK AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

He's not worth it. But YOU ARE. Take care of you, and don't let turkeys like him get you down. :flowers:

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hopeless269

Thank u so much!

I've been ignoring him I'm done embarrassed but glad he is so gone. I tried to ask all those questions and be supportive but I really do think he's lieing he would lie to get my attention. And I spoke to my dad today and he said he didn't pay any attention. And if he wanted to tell my dad he wouldn't have to beat around the bush he could've just said it. He's so sick but I told him I'll take responsibility but he says f@@@ u n every horrible thing u can possibly say to a person with herp. Which brings me to another point someone who just got diagnosed is yrs angry but not insensitive but I'm gonna ignore this.completely ur right he is not the one for me I need a man in my shoes so we can be comfortable with one another. I'm done dealing and being honest to the clean ones done!

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WilsoInAus

Male perspective here. This is certainly one of those cases that makes me very embarrassed to be a male and see such a lack of maturity and emotional intelligence create primal nastiness.

You can be nearly certain he has no clear diagnosis or even symptoms of HSV as a result of his relationship with you at this time. Your note suggests he was negative prior to this relationship, but he may either knowingly or unknowingly had some strains.

It is most likely that this is a get even at the rejection he feels. It will also provide him with a justification as to why the relationship ended on his terms. Perhaps it's too perverse and unlikely to suggest that he is knowingly positive to one or more strains and likes the idea of being able to point to a specific giver.

None of this changes the fact that you're well shod of him. Be a little careful but chances are that a shred of common sense and maturity will arise that puts the episode behind him. Clearly his best course of action is to abstain, swab any observable sores if and as soon as they arise and get type specific IgG blood tests in 16 weeks.

I think you have done everything a reasonable person could be expected to do; chances are you have not transmitted H to him.

It would be a shame that a search for true love would have boundaries when that same true love transcends all boundaries.

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Cymenthy

What a jerk. One thing that struck me is the fact that he said he got results in 30 minutes. That is patently ridiculous. My doctor says that that is a specialized test and takes time for blood to show antibodies, and time for a culture to be done. He either knows he has it and wants to deny it, or is lying about the test. Sounds like he may have given it to you, but regardless, he sounds like bad news, and is certainly not anyone you can trust.

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hopeless269

Yea totally bad news I'm in the process of getting an order of protection.I outed myself to my parents just in case he did it first. I needed them to know it from me he still hasn't proved anything. I feel much better n I'm so glad I told my parents because now I have nothing to worry about yes it was super hard,embarrassing, terrible n emotional but I've been wanting to tell them since I found out 1 year n 3 months ago. It has been hard to keep such a deep secret from them for so long I'm glad I told them. As for him his still calling n harassing me telling me that I'm a dirty whore thay cursed him for life. But I warned him I did my part n honestly even though we all know it's a possibility I still don't think I gave it to him. Nothings adding up so I fell bad because I warned him n told him because I did not get that choice n he chose. Not being insensitive please don't take this the wrong way but I'm tired of worrying about him and this situation.I've been a absolute wreck n today finally after 3 weeks of chaos sadness and depression. I'm done I told him like an adult I tried my best to help him treat it (which he said f@@@ u too) so all I know is that I did my part my family knows and they are being super supportive. Who knows I might tell the world start a H march that donates $ to people who can't afford meds to treat this virus. All I know is that I got a big monkey off my back I hope my courage can make one of u strong enough to put ur embarrasment in your pocket and let it all out because it feels good!!!!

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Cymenthy

YEAH! Proud of you. Stick to your guns, and turn loose of the guilt. I still have a feeling that he gave it to you and is trying in some sort of convuluted way to hold on to you. You are way better off. I have not gotten up the nerve to tell anyone in my family, and it's wonderful that you had the courage to do it. Good luck, and keep in touch and let us know what happens.

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Acesheart
My ex knew I had HSV 1&2 before we even got together I explained the risks and he accepted it. I was very careful the few times we had sex and I decided I didn't want to be with him and kicked him out. First he went through emotional heartache and then all the sudden he said he had symoptoms and cold sore. Concerned I went to meet him to give him meds he had not one cold sore and seemed in perfect health. Any men out there can help me on how your first ob was. Mine was the worst. He said he went to the hospital and they gave him results in a half an hour and even though my doctor thought it was herp because of how bad my ob was I had to wait 4 days for my results to be confirmed. In suspicion I asked him questions like what rx's did they give you how are you working out at the gym? And which one they said you have to trick him he said he had both cold sores and lesions on his penis and he had type 1. But if that was true wouldn't he have been diagnosed with 1 & 2 like me? I never let him give me oral because I was paranoid and I take Valtrex everyday since I've been diagnosed for the past year. Now he's threating to tell family, friends, and co-workers what I did to him. Even though I was honest does it sound like bs to you all? Men was your first ob nothing and you just went in for a blood test and got the results the same day? Or am I being lied to because he is bitter about the breakup? Anyone? Help me because I told him lets go to my doctor but he says he doesn't have to prove anything. Why not? Right? He is a compulsive liar and I just can't trust him I need proof. Just how I got proof on paper. Where's his paper?!? I feel terrible if I did but he knew what the situation was not trying to be cold but this man made me really unhappy so I needed to get out.But now he wants to ruin me and I just gotta text telling me he tried to explain to my dad what I gave him but my dad did not understand. Is he just trying to get a reaction can someone bounce back from their first ob within 3 days? He said he was sick the whole weak but the calls and harassment about other shit wasfull blown and now the calls and harrassment is about how I'm a dirty whore and I'm going to pay for what I did to him. But like I said he doesn't seem sick he said the md perscribed dynaclear?!? Isn't that only available online I got valtrex and zovirax cream and he got dynaclear? Anyone help me understand this nonsense I think it's bullshit to destroy me and I think I protected him through our relationship we had sex like 3 times throughout these 2 months we were together because I was trying to protect him and be careful as possible. How does it sound like it can be true or is it bullshit not sure need men and women to educate me more. Because I've been studying and reading about herp since that day I was diagnosed and I have never heard of someone saying yea I got it loook what you did to me but then have no proof just information from what I taught him and what he got from online. Someone help what do you guys think?:confused:

Hey hopeless, I have a question honey. Did he get fully and properly tested with an Igg before you two became a couple? Secondly, yes he should have paper test results to prove this claim. Third, if he is making you feel guilty, your letting him win? Don't give him this power. As with my husband he got tested a few months ago, he had to wait almost a week for his test results. He is still non h man. So I vote he is trying to trick you because you stood up and said " I have h, but you will not use me" , I believe he is like my husband was, very mean and vendictive. My ex outted me to everyone. He told them I had it, not that he had given it to me. Believe me when I say I learned a big lesson on who my true friends were. It isn't the end of the world if he outs you, deny it. Say, " he's just angry I ended the relationship and tell them if he has proof, they should to see it, "his so called positive test".. Do you even know before you two dated if he ever properly tested? He could have possibly had oral h1 and just stayed Asymptomatic. Here is that book www.westoverheights.com , or also www.medhelp.org . Tell him you got informations from several herpes specialist and you want proof. If he won't provide proof, tell him if he outs you he's a coward and he is scorned and noone will believe him. Don't show fear or anxiety about being outted. I did and now I wish I had acted more clear headed. You have the upper hand, he needs to show his so call proof. Don't let him get to you, or make you feel guilty. I think he's a mean spirited guy, you deserve so much better. Take care, it will be okay. God does handle what we can't. Karma is a bitch and god don't sleep. You have nothing to fear. You control your life. Screw that loser. You above the likes of people like him. Hugs, Ace :)

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