Dating? What's that?

[dbc1951]

I'm genuinely happy to read the stories of people here who actually manage to find someone. It means that it can happen.

Unfortunately, as the song says, "but not for me". I do know that people have suggested the dating sites and I have tried those. There is no need to go through "the talk" since everyone is in the same boat. There is only one problem.

No one, and I do mean NO ONE, answers. This isn't exclusive with me by any means and it isn't limited to older males. It is just too much to take on top of the HSV to realize that people no longer have the common courtesy to simply say "thanks, but you aren't my type". Honesty is appreciated, poor manners are not.

Perhaps this LTR thing isn't what it's cracked up to be anyway. I had always wanted to have kids but at 55 thats a bit far-fetched now. After catching HSV 27 days after marrying my ex-wife I can be forgiven for wondering that.

I think I'm ranting more because I'm totally out of ideas than anything else. Me female friends, and I DO have female friends, always emphasize being positive. I try, but you can understand how difficult that is when one woman, who earlier said we had a lot in common and she wanted to hear from me, emails back to a message that she was out of touch because she was currently dating and wanted to see how it worked out. That was someone I emailed from a free site so I at least got my money's worth.

I am open to ideas, suggestions, WHATEVER, because nothing I try works. I did meet one woman in Germany who didn't mind my age (55), saw past my height (5'3) but couldn;t get past the HSV. And so it goes.

[Chk!Chk!Chickie]

Ouchies, seems like a lot of these rough. And trust me and others here that it's rough for all of us.

I understand completely when you feel that nobody will accept the idea of one carrying HSV of any type.

It's made it completely difficult for me to continue dating after being out of a relationship. Which I may add, I'm fresh out of 6 month relationship which felt like I spent 5 years with this person. So i understand the wanting to meet people. That anticipation kills us all. But in due time, you'll meet somebody mature enough to see pass HSV. I think we all will.

Chin up

[gutted.]

dont give up matey - losers give up, and you def not one of those.....

[dbc1951]

The honest truth is that sometimes relationships happen when you least expect them to....and sometimes they simply never happen at all.

I'm not minded to give up easily but nothing I try works. The social aspect of it all is especially bad. I was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 13 so my formative years were shot all to hell. It is completely controlled now, thank God, but it did it's damage.

It might just be that its wisest to take a breather for awhile and simply not concern myself about it. I just am weary of it all.

[Caliope]

sometimes when you quit looking the world brings you what you were looking for all along.

it happened to me.

i gave up on love and quit putting time into it and it snuck up on me when i wasn't even looking. it's been more than 2 years now and i couldn't be happier.

[dbc1951]

sometimes when you quit looking the world brings you what you were looking for all along.

it happened to me.

i gave up on love and quit putting time into it and it snuck up on me when i wasn't even looking. it's been more than 2 years now and i couldn't be happier.

Like I said earlier, I'm happy to hear that it happens for some people. Right now it's looking pretty dismal for me. The only reaction that i've received from any h dating site so far was "thanks for your message". While nice, that hardly does anything for me.

While I think I'd make a good husband and father, no one else seems to agree so it seems pointless to bash my head against a wall. Durocher had a point.

[Caliope]

I didn't meet my guy on an online site and I don't feel comfortable meeting people that way.

There is a lot to be said for doing what you enjoy and sometimes you will meet the perfect person that way. So if you have a beloved hobby or interest fill your time up doing it because not only will it feed your natural interest but it will show up in your demeanor and that will attract people who share your interest and will see your inner beauty that is magnified by you being yourself. Does this make sense? In other words when you do what you enjoy it will show on your face and in your enthusiasm and that is very attractive.

Half the battle is natural attraction and the other half is truly enjoying spending time together.

best wishes.

[dbc1951]

I didn't meet my guy on an online site and I don't feel comfortable meeting people that way.

There is a lot to be said for doing what you enjoy and sometimes you will meet the perfect person that way. So if you have a beloved hobby or interest fill your time up doing it because not only will it feed your natural interest but it will show up in your demeanor and that will attract people who share your interest and will see your inner beauty that is magnified by you being yourself. Does this make sense? In other words when you do what you enjoy it will show on your face and in your enthusiasm and that is very attractive.

Half the battle is natural attraction and the other half is truly enjoying spending time together.

best wishes.

The problem I have is that I work late three nights a week and there is NO time to socialize whatsoever. I'm not really a social animal to begin with in any case.

I am afraid I've long since lost patience with wishing and hoping. I don't want to appear rude. I would prefer something concrete and direct. Of course, this also gives the impression of being pushy I suppose but at 55 I'm simply too old to sit and wait.

That was the reason I tried going online. Another was that I felt that it increased the chances of meeting someone and relived social stigma from having an std. I obviously misread the situation because the women who ignored me before herpes are ignoring me now.

It isn't a matter of my doing something wrong, or a poor approach, as it is having the cards stacked against me. If anything, I've gotten more hassles from being short than I ever have from contracting herpes. I find that disturbing.

[BoxofRain]

I am sorry to hear you are so down but I really believe that if you just stop trying so hard to find someone, that eventually someone will come into your life. I hope you do find someone in the future, but for now just try to focus on doing things that make you happy and focus on those things for a while. Hobbies are great things to help keep you feeling satisfied in life on other levels and it is true that when you are enjoying life and involved in something you are passionate about there is more room to meet others who share your love of it. Also, there are millions of short people out in the world so dont let it get you feeling upset and as for the people who didnt give you the time of day before who needs them anyway? Would you even want to be with anyone who could make you feel like less of a person for not fitting "their" specific ideals? You seem like a very nice guy and I believe that if you just have faith, try and stay positive as much as possible, and engage yourself in things you enjoy that you will find happiness ultimately....with a partner or not in the future. Do you have any close friends or family members you see or get along with well? sometimes even one good friend or family member can be very supportive and help take your mind off of the things that get you down. I hope things work out for you and hope fate brings you love in the future. Remember, that you are a wonderful and worthy person of feeling good about yourself, about holding a unique presence in this world, and for all and everything you have contributed to this earth this far in your life. Never let the coldness or fears from others in the world get you down. You are a good person and you deserve to find someone and if you believe in yourself and work on your self esteem then it will happen when the time is right....and you are only as old as you want to think you are. Nothing is impossible so never begin to doubt things......the possibilities in life are endless if you stay open to them. Good luck. Glad to have you on this forum

[Shayna]

I didn't meet my guy on an online site and I don't feel comfortable meeting people that way.

There is a lot to be said for doing what you enjoy and sometimes you will meet the perfect person that way. So if you have a beloved hobby or interest fill your time up doing it because not only will it feed your natural interest but it will show up in your demeanor and that will attract people who share your interest and will see your inner beauty that is magnified by you being yourself. Does this make sense? In other words when you do what you enjoy it will show on your face and in your enthusiasm and that is very attractive.

Half the battle is natural attraction and the other half is truly enjoying spending time together.

best wishes.

I really liked what you had to say Caliope, Thank you!

Just enjoy life and do the things of interest, Take a breather from even thinking about dating.

It seems like a recipe for a happy life in or out of a relationship.

[dbc1951]

I am sorry to hear you are so down but I really believe that if you just stop trying so hard to find someone, that eventually someone will come into your life. I hope you do find someone in the future, but for now just try to focus on doing things that make you happy and focus on those things for a while. Hobbies are great things to help keep you feeling satisfied in life on other levels and it is true that when you are enjoying life and involved in something you are passionate about there is more room to meet others who share your love of it. Also, there are millions of short people out in the world so dont let it get you feeling upset and as for the people who didnt give you the time of day before who needs them anyway? Would you even want to be with anyone who could make you feel like less of a person for not fitting "their" specific ideals? You seem like a very nice guy and I believe that if you just have faith, try and stay positive as much as possible, and engage yourself in things you enjoy that you will find happiness ultimately....with a partner or not in the future. Do you have any close friends or family members you see or get along with well? sometimes even one good friend or family member can be very supportive and help take your mind off of the things that get you down. I hope things work out for you and hope fate brings you love in the future. Remember, that you are a wonderful and worthy person of feeling good about yourself, about holding a unique presence in this world, and for all and everything you have contributed to this earth this far in your life. Never let the coldness or fears from others in the world get you down. You are a good person and you deserve to find someone and if you believe in yourself and work on your self esteem then it will happen when the time is right....and you are only as old as you want to think you are. Nothing is impossible so never begin to doubt things......the possibilities in life are endless if you stay open to them. Good luck. Glad to have you on this forum

Actually, I'm not really trying that hard at all. Nothing is happening.

My size doesn't bother me as much as the fact that it is used to marginalize me. If I hear one more woman tell me that they haven't been able to find a good man out there when what they mean is a a good "taller" man I'll scream. I'm willing to date women much taller than I am because I realize that I have to be flexible. This obviously doesn't apply to the other side.

It does appear that I will have to find ways to adjust to being alone which is sad because I think I've got a lot to offer, It just seems that no one else gives a damn. If that seems harsh it's because life is harsh. I definitely never considered the idea of catching an std from my own wife but so be it.

My age only bothers me as it relates to having children. Even if I were to have a child this year I'd be 73 when he/she graduated high school. Stepchildren are no problem but I have lost two already.

I'm no longer content to just "hang in there".

[Shayna]

Dang, I have always been attracted to shorter men. My girlfriends used to loved the fact that we'd never be competing for the same guys.

I'm 5'5 and don't like to strain my neck to hug or kiss my boyfriend.

I'm not hitting on you .... Just wanted to say I think you are being really hard on yourself. I'm sure there are many women out there, like myself, who truly are attracted to men who don't get nose bleeds while standing.

I wish you the best! You'll meet someone special if that's what you really want.

[dbc1951]

Dang, I have always been attracted to shorter men. My girlfriends used to loved the fact that we'd never be competing for the same guys.

I'm 5'5 and don't like to strain my neck to hug or kiss my boyfriend.

I'm not hitting on you .... Just wanted to say I think you are being really hard on yourself. I'm sure there are many women out there, like myself, who truly are attracted to men who don't get nose bleeds while standing.

I wish you the best! You'll meet someone special if that's what you really want.

Well, you're definitely in the minority it appears but its good that you're open. I might also add that a lot of males are shallow as well and ignore some very attractive taller females.

I really don't think I'm hard on myself as much as I am extremely frustrated and downright pissed off. I can handle the fact of women not liking short guys because everyone has a right to a preference. I can't handle idiots like the woman who expressed interest than vanished from a site for several weeks. She was dating someone and "just wanted to see how it would turn out". Fine, but just remember to let others know you're spoken for.

I did meet someone special in Germany. In fact she was just about perfect. We clicked immediately and I had high hopes...until we had "the talk". Those hopes vanished immediately.

I would like to meet someone and that's the sad part...it just takes one person. I simply have run out of ideas and things to try. Bars? I don't drink and I can't stand drunks. Dancing? I can't dance that well and I have an arthritic ankle in any case. Herpes groups? One is two hours away and has all of their activities on Saturdays---I work Saturdays. Blind dates? Those never seem to work and, in any case, there is that little problem in the background.

People mean well when they tell me personally that I'm a good catch and I need to hang in there. I am really TIRED of hearing that. What I really need is some new approach to make things happen. No new ideas on the horizon so far. Even my family has gotten into the act but they are thinking pre-hsv.

It simply looks dismal so it might be a good idea to call it a day and focus on other things.

[uk girl]

Hi,

I have to agree with a lot of the posts that have been sent and you might not realise this but how you feel is coming across loud and clear and some people will find that a bit hard to take on in initialy.

When we are feeling negative, our whole body language changes, people pick up on this very easily.

I was on my own for 6 years after i got divorced, and yes i was trying a little too hard(which i didnt realise at the time).

I found this too be so tiring,and made me doubt myself even more, i thought if my husband had had lots of women then the problem was with me.

One day i thought this had got to stop, and came up with, if it happens it happens,i relaxed, my body language was soooo different, i started to believe in myself again, i met my now husband when i least expected it.

When i ask what drew him to me he says"i was happy and laughed a lot and had a carefree attitude.

I do understand how you are feeling, if someone likes you, the person that you are inside HIEGHT,WIEGHT OR HERPES will not be the obstacle you believe it to be.We all come with some sort of baggage, just keep thinking what a great person you are,concentrate on your good points, and before anything find happiness within yourself, so it will shine thru.

KEEP SMILING:-D :-D

[dbc1951]

Hi,

I have to agree with a lot of the posts that have been sent and you might not realise this but how you feel is coming across loud and clear and some people will find that a bit hard to take on in initialy.

When we are feeling negative, our whole body language changes, people pick up on this very easily.

I was on my own for 6 years after i got divorced, and yes i was trying a little too hard(which i didnt realise at the time).

I found this too be so tiring,and made me doubt myself even more, i thought if my husband had had lots of women then the problem was with me.

One day i thought this had got to stop, and came up with, if it happens it happens,i relaxed, my body language was soooo different, i started to believe in myself again, i met my now husband when i least expected it.

When i ask what drew him to me he says"i was happy and laughed a lot and had a carefree attitude.

I do understand how you are feeling, if someone likes you, the person that you are inside HIEGHT,WIEGHT OR HERPES will not be the obstacle you believe it to be.We all come with some sort of baggage, just keep thinking what a great person you are,concentrate on your good points, and before anything find happiness within yourself, so it will shine thru.

KEEP SMILING:-D :-D

I probably am doing a poor job of explaining myself. I've NEVER dated that much.....not in high school, college, graduate school, or in the work world. When you're inexperienced you make mistakes and I'm still making them but trying to do better. If anything, I might not be trying hard enough---although that might not come across here.

I also think everyone might have the wrong idea on how I come across. I'm usually pretty low key but friendly. I never worry too much about body language because if you do that you go crazy. In any case, I simply cannot make contact locally because of my weird hours. Those that I contact online aren't necessarily turned off by my attitude or size---they simply lack the courtesy to respond. That says more about them than it does about me.

The importance of a positive attitude is something I understand. However, when you're on your own and lacking any sort personal contact it makes it difficult to keep your chin up. That seems difficult for those who have had luck in relationships to really understand.

The woman I mentioned in Germany was sincerely interested but she couldn't deal with the hsv. I do not hold that against her. There are very few people who would contract it willingly for someone else. That does prove that someone can at least look past the externals. Unfortunately, all too many American hsv+ women simply can't be bothered to respond to a simple e-mail. In the meantime, my e-mail inbox is stuffed by scammers from Russia and Africa. Is that pathetic or what?

I realize I sound bitter and I hate that, I really do. However, it comes with the territory. I've been the "good man" that women seem to want but can just never find. One woman had a chance and she picked another guy. He, as I later found out, was the "bad boy" type and beat her senseless on a regular basis. Again, that says much more about her (and the other guy) than it does about me.

Is there any wonder I'm confused?