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His choice or mine?


purpleflamingo

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I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now, I was diagnosed with genital herpes about 2 weeks ago. I believe I got the virus from his cold sore and oral/genital contact.

My question: I told him it was his choice whether he wanted to continue having unprotected sex since I was diagnosed. He chose to continue, however I'm now wondering if it should be his choice. The idea of hurting him kills me, we're very committed, moving in together soon and basically living together now, but I don't know if it's a forever partnership. Should I allow him to take the risk, since it is his body and his future and he understands we may not be "rest-of-our-lives" material. Or should I say no for his sake and the guilt of putting him through this I currently feel?

Sorry for the novel, any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

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I can understand how you feel, i think the best thing you could do is print off as many facts about this virus you can, explain how you feel about having this virus, explain to him how hard people find it when meeting someone new and having to "have the talk".

I caught it the same way you did, and it had to be my husbands choice, i gave him all the facts, he came to his own decision, i think he has to make his own mind up when given all the facts.

Good Luck

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I don't understand the situation.

You got genital HSV from his oral HSV, and now you are worried that you will give him back his HSV on his genitals?

Have you two been tested?

Does he feel guilty of giving you HSV?

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Yes that is the correct situation.

I have been tested, he has not.

He feels very guilty, but I don't want him to since he had no idea he would infect me, or any intention whatsoever of hurting me.

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I don't know what answer you are wanting to your question?

This is what I heard from you:

You told your guy that you are hsv positive.

He took the time to listen to what you had to say.

He still wants to have unprotected sex with you.

You've been tested and he has not.

You should respect his right to choose unless you don't want to continue the sexual relationship for your own reasons and that is a choice you have a right to make as well.

He may already be hsv positive orally and genitally.

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Thanks for the input everyone.... I'm starting to deal with the choice he made without feeling guilty.

Next dilemma is the immense swelling, rawness of skin, and pain I get after intercourse. Any comments?

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if you are getting those symptoms after sex then there is a chance you have the virus active on either his skin or yours without visible symptoms and the sex makes it more noticeable. I only had that same feeling when it turned out the virus was active on either my skin or my boyfriends and we thought it wasnt and had sex. So, it might be that you are in fact having outbreaks that arent visible before sex, or internal outbreaks which can then cause similar symptoms during and after. Id just be careful, or wait a bit and see if there is any change in a week or so. Also, if it is just dry and raw then using a lubricant should help but Ive read some lubricants make it easier for the virus to transmit...cant remember the ingredient that does this, if i do remember, Ill write it in another post. Good luck, hope its just a one time thing that this kind of thing is happening, otherwise it may be indicating an infection perhaps, or internal outbreak, or asymptomatic shedding and the inflammation and swelling comes from the friction and rubbing which irritates the skin where the virus is present. Id also recommend that he gets tested via herpes specific blood test to see if he has more than one type of herpes, so you guys know for sure what you are dealilng with. Its also your choice of course, but a full battery of tests for all stds for both of you coudnt hurt either because stds sometimes travel in 2's and when a person is diagnosed with one, sometimes they are so focused and concerned with that that their doctors and themselves dont even consider that they have cotracted something else right along with it, but because they see symptoms for one, the only focus on that. Also, ya never know if something else is contributing to making sex painful or increasing the irritation. And above all else, ya never know if one of you has something even more serious than herpes, just a good thought to consider. If nothing else id strongly suggest the blood test for him because he very well could have both types and then you are at more of a risk of getting both types....and if you give him oral sex then you could get herpes in your mouth too, if you dont already have it there. Hope everything is ok though for your sake. Good luck with things.

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