Jump to content

Getting ready to drop the bomb . .


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone!

So here's a quick background. I have been no angel about my sex life, but always made sure to use protection and get tested twice yearly. Then, one fateful night, someone slipped something into my drink, the next thing I know I am in a different town waking up naked in a strange place with bruises all over me. So, its taken me a long time to get over that, the only thing I am thankful for is that I don't remember the actual act of violation. So about 99% sure I got H from that incident as I was tested about 3 months later and came up positive for HSVII. This was about two years ago. Since then I haven't really dated anyone, but have slept with my best friend, of whom I informed, and as of this moment is still negative. Well, a few weeks ago, I met this amazing man. You know how everyone tells you that Mr. Perfect isn't out there, that you are being too picky? Well they are liars! I found him, and from what I've seen so far, I really think this might be something that will work out long term. Anways, we haven't slept together yet, as I am pushing the month or so waiting period. I AM SO NERVOUS about telling this wonderful person about it. When we talk, he always asks me "so what's the catch with you? How could it have taken me so long to find such a great girl like yourself." Everytime he says it, my stomach sinks and I just want to cry. Little does he know that there is a HUGE catch.

I have really come to terms with this disease, and really I have only had 1 outbreak in two years, without any medication. I just hope that he will be able to be mature about it. I just feel like asking someone to sleep with me, is like asking them to marry me. If they sleep with me and contract it then they either HAVE to stay with me, or be condemned to my fate as well. I do feel I am obligated to tell him, mostly because the guilt of not telling would kill me. Just not sure how to go about it. I am going to sit him down alone at my house and break the news. I just want to be prepared with some documents that discuss herpes,stats, safe sex, etc so that he can read them. My hope is that he will want to digest this for a few days, do some research on his own, and come back with the conclusion that he definately wants to be with me (fast forward to romantic weekend getaway).

Honestly to me, the rape part was the hardest thing to get through, and something that will be with my emotional body forever, but the HSV thing pales in comparison, even though it will be with my physical body forever.

I honestly don't want to bring up the rape thing, as that is very painful to me, and I feel that it predisposes me at least in many men's minds to being crazy. But I don't want him to think I'm a slut either.

So the questions are:

What are some good print resources that you suggest for explaining herpes in a positive manner?

Should I bring up the rape or not?

Who knows, maybe he has it as well. Would it be asking too much for me to ask that he goes in for a full panel STD test before I will sleep with him? I don't want anything else.

Thank you for any advice. I appreciate the support of this forum, and will probably send him here for some answers as well.

-"So if life is love, and good is life, then good is love and its good tonight."-Mama's Cookin'

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry to hear about your being raped. It's not fair, what happened to you, and the awful shit that that experience was/is. I'm sorry.

You say he's perfect... it sounds like he's marriage material. I think you should tell him about the herpes, if you two feel close enough to move onto the next step. Telling him about the rape.. it's up to you. I personally don't tell people I'm dating that my mom passed away from cancer at least a few months into the relationship because I don't want the pity treatment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good to hear youve met sumone u care about - always good to hear for peeps in our situation!

tell him.... its not so much as a catch, your the catch, just with a little skin defect..

if its puts him off, he wasnt the person u thort he was, if it doesnt, u know uve really found sumone special!

i know i have!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's cool that you've met someone special.

Rape is a hard subject to discuss even on a good day. I've never found that it helped me to disclose the details (I was raped when I was 14). I don't want to be pitied and I don't want to feel like a victim so I don't usually go there.

I've thought long and hard about insisting on an std clearance report and that's a difficult one. It depends if you are willing to trust someone's word or if you need something more. A truly honest relationship would not be damaged by this type of disclosure.


The link above is about telling a partner about hsv.

I believe in honesty and I'd start by asking him the questions you have about him. It sounds like you have something good so I'd think it is a necessary part of the progression of the relationship.

Best wishes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Posts

    • tbc122
      https://imgur.com/a/cVi8yJY 2 weeks ago I had unprotected oral sex. Few days later I wake up with a stinging sensation in my urethra. I don't have any blisters, lesions or redness, my penis looks completely normal from the outside, but the stinging in my urethra is always there. Urinating doesn't make the pain worse. From the research I've done and how my body feels I'm pretty sure I caught genital hsv1. To make matters worse I think I transmitted it to my eyelid by touching my infected penis and then my eyelid which did develop a blister. Can anyone look at my lower eyelid and tell me if it looks anything like herpes?  I forgot to add that the blister is painless, but my eye is a bit watery. Other than that it's fine and my eyesight is good. Considering how this all developed in a matter of a week after I had unprotected sex it can't be much else than herpes..
    • SuperSnap
      Hey I see that they also sell the pill form in 100 mg and 500 mg form. Do you think this is as affective? They have the regular and extract version of the pill. Which would you think is the right one to get? And how many pills per day to get the same effect of say 16 seeds?
    • Ric12321
      it's actually because of bareback bj...
    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.