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I was recently diagnosed with Herpes 2 and my doc said I had a past and recent exposure to it. I was dumbfounded as I've never had any symptoms or outbreaks, ever, and was in denial for a few weeks. I then went back for a re-test which showed the same results. I'm accepting of it now and have learned alot about this virus. I have asked my Dr. so many questions but they cannot be answered. They dont know exactly where the virus lies in my body, how severe it is, don't know if I'm ever contagious and if I will spread it to others.

I have been with several partners in the last 8 months so I don't know who cldve given me the recent exposure but it doesn't matter. I told one of my partners that I have it, as I was seeing him quite often but we stopped seeeing each other for other reasons. I still see a few others and there is one person I have been seeing casually for over 6 months. We haven't had sexual intercourse yet but we do engage in frequent oral sex. I don't think I've infected him b/c he wldve told me if something was wrong and had symptoms. The question is: DO I TELL HIM AT THIS POINT? In my heart I know I should but part of me is not willing to and I know that's selfish. If some guy I was seeing had it and knew it but didn't tell me I'd be furious!:-x But if I have been with him for 6 months, seeing him weekly, and he still does not have any symptoms, then maybe I'm not contagious? Or been lucky? This is such an moralistic issue and I am a very ethical person except for this unique case. I'm considering medication to reduce the risk of spreading but I really don't want to go that route. I don't know what to do. Any thoughts? What would you do? What did you do? At times I wish I never knew I had this virus. Can u relate to that???

Thanks!! :confused:

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I am surprised that your dr couldn't tell you if your are contagious or could spread hsv. The basics are quite clear.

Hsv is contagious during active ob's and during assymptomatically shedding that occurs without visual symptoms. The percentages aren't an exact science because our immune systems react differently to the virus and some people just have a healthier immune system than others. So yes you should consider your infection to be contagious.

Since you are unsure if you have oral or genital hsv or both I am going to assume you haven't had any ob's.

As for your sexual partners. I believe in honesty and letting people know the facts.

If you don't know if your infection is oral or genital I would think that engaging in mutual oral sex is putting your partners at risk of contracting it both from your mouth or your genitals. Both hsv 1 and hsv 2 can be contracted orally or genitally or both.

You might also want to consider that your partner may already have it. Perhaps he should be tested but that would involve you discussing the situation and informing him.

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Dont be so sure your partner would SEE or feel any symptoms if he has contracted it from you. Over half of the people who contract the disease do so without any noticable symptoms occuring after they contract it. A lot of times the virus goes directly to their nerve cells and remains inactive until a later date.....weeks, months, or years down the line. So, there is a huge chance your partner that you have been deceiving does in fact already have it or will soon get it from you, especially since you are having unprotected oral sex mutually. Id at least give him the courtesy of letting him know you may have infected him so he can get tested via herpes specific blood testing and know for sure....so that he can then alter his life accordingly if necessary. Not only for his own well being ( and right to know) but so that he can decide whether or not he wants to go around potentially infecting people in the future, as you have done. Not everyone wants to play russian roulette with other peoples health and lives. Something else to consider.

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Thx for your response Boxof Rain. I wanted to clarify that I was JUST diagnosed with HSV and did not know about it 6 months ago so I dont want it to seem like i have been deceiving anyone I have been with. If I have infected anyone in my past it was certainly not known to me and it was definitely unintentional. I will need to do what is right.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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