So confused!!

[dogsrule]

I was recently diagnosed with Herpes 2 and my doc said I had a past and recent exposure to it. I was dumbfounded as I've never had any symptoms or outbreaks, ever, and was in denial for a few weeks. I then went back for a re-test which showed the same results. I'm accepting of it now and have learned alot about this virus. I have asked my Dr. so many questions but they cannot be answered. They dont know exactly where the virus lies in my body, how severe it is, don't know if I'm ever contagious and if I will spread it to others.

I have been with several partners in the last 8 months so I don't know who cldve given me the recent exposure but it doesn't matter. I told one of my partners that I have it, as I was seeing him quite often but we stopped seeeing each other for other reasons. I still see a few others and there is one person I have been seeing casually for over 6 months. We haven't had sexual intercourse yet but we do engage in frequent oral sex. I don't think I've infected him b/c he wldve told me if something was wrong and had symptoms. The question is: DO I TELL HIM AT THIS POINT? In my heart I know I should but part of me is not willing to and I know that's selfish. If some guy I was seeing had it and knew it but didn't tell me I'd be furious! But if I have been with him for 6 months, seeing him weekly, and he still does not have any symptoms, then maybe I'm not contagious? Or been lucky? This is such an moralistic issue and I am a very ethical person except for this unique case. I'm considering medication to reduce the risk of spreading but I really don't want to go that route. I don't know what to do. Any thoughts? What would you do? What did you do? At times I wish I never knew I had this virus. Can u relate to that???

Thanks!!

[Caliope]

I am surprised that your dr couldn't tell you if your are contagious or could spread hsv. The basics are quite clear.

Hsv is contagious during active ob's and during assymptomatically shedding that occurs without visual symptoms. The percentages aren't an exact science because our immune systems react differently to the virus and some people just have a healthier immune system than others. So yes you should consider your infection to be contagious.

Since you are unsure if you have oral or genital hsv or both I am going to assume you haven't had any ob's.

As for your sexual partners. I believe in honesty and letting people know the facts.

If you don't know if your infection is oral or genital I would think that engaging in mutual oral sex is putting your partners at risk of contracting it both from your mouth or your genitals. Both hsv 1 and hsv 2 can be contracted orally or genitally or both.

You might also want to consider that your partner may already have it. Perhaps he should be tested but that would involve you discussing the situation and informing him.

[BoxofRain]

Dont be so sure your partner would SEE or feel any symptoms if he has contracted it from you. Over half of the people who contract the disease do so without any noticable symptoms occuring after they contract it. A lot of times the virus goes directly to their nerve cells and remains inactive until a later date.....weeks, months, or years down the line. So, there is a huge chance your partner that you have been deceiving does in fact already have it or will soon get it from you, especially since you are having unprotected oral sex mutually. Id at least give him the courtesy of letting him know you may have infected him so he can get tested via herpes specific blood testing and know for sure....so that he can then alter his life accordingly if necessary. Not only for his own well being ( and right to know) but so that he can decide whether or not he wants to go around potentially infecting people in the future, as you have done. Not everyone wants to play russian roulette with other peoples health and lives. Something else to consider.

[dogsrule]

Thx for your response Boxof Rain. I wanted to clarify that I was JUST diagnosed with HSV and did not know about it 6 months ago so I dont want it to seem like i have been deceiving anyone I have been with. If I have infected anyone in my past it was certainly not known to me and it was definitely unintentional. I will need to do what is right.