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What to do?!?

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Went to dr today....she did not do a test, said I have a "classic" case of herpes....did swab for gonorrhea and chlamydia....gave me a scrip for Valtrex, but told me to let this outbreak run its course and have the Valtrex on hand for the next.....

I am recently divorced after 20 years, separated and abstinate the past 2, had begun hanging out and showed interest in my boss....he returned the interest and a week and a half ago we were intimate....4 days later 4 sores....I was in denial...the weekend after we were together he told me he thought we'd be better off being friends because of work....

Now how do I tell him about this? I'm assuming he gave it to me? I sent him a text that I thought we needed to talk. He hasn't answered.

I'm confused, scared, sad, and don't understand what I'm going to do.

Bad enough that my husband ended our marriage, but when I finally think I might be able to move on, the first time I do, BAM!


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Hi Fballmom, welcome to the site. Sorry you had that experience; certainly does make for an awkward situation. Should you decide to tell your boss that you now have H and didn't before you met him, there is a good chance that he will claim he didn't know he had it. It could be the truth, who really knows; but given the quick brush off, I highly doubt he didn't. If he continues to avoid you, I think you may have your answer. You may want to be careful about confronting him; if he feels threatened, it could mean your job. If he is a caring person, he will agree to talk with you. Hopefully, he will get himself tested and refrain from knowingly transmitting to others.

At this point, the best thing you did was come to this site. It is a great place, full of friendly people who understand completely what you are going through and how you feel. There is a wealth of information to be learned which will be helpful to you going forward. I know you are scared and sad, but knowledge is everything. What you learn here will help you move on to another relationship. You might not think it possible now, but it is. Many people here have healthy loving relationships with people who accepted them. This site helped me a lot. I am glad I came. You will be too.

As for your ending marriage, I am truly sorry to hear that. My situation is similar. Feel free to private message me any time. Just remember, take it one day at a time; it's going to be ok.

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That is a most unfortunate outcome, and yes everything is very 'classic' in the context of this partner as your giver of herpes.

You don't explicitly say that the swab will be type tested for herpes, but I imagine that is occurring, might be worth checking.

You also might want to consider taking a blood test, HSV IgG type specific, straight away, I mean now. If it is negative (or low values) and subsequently you test positive (say in 12 weeks) with higher values then you will be quite sure it was him. If it is a healthy positive already then it is possible (but unlikely) to predate this encounter.

Whether it is HSV-1 or HSV-2 is of relevance as you may have received this from oral sex or genital to genital. Either way, if it is important to you that this guy learn about his infections then you need the blood test straightaway! (A few will back me up quickly on this point).

All the best, I hope you come to terms for what this infection does and doesn't mean for you.

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but when I finally think I might be able to move on, the first time I do, BAM!


I can empathize as I had "moved on" from a very abusive relationship and the first person I trusted turned out to be my giver!

I know it's hard but this site is great for support and information. Hope we can help

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She said there wasn't a need to test for herpes as she said looking at the bumps I have it is a classic case.... She said given the timeline it would be too early for a blood test to detect....

The fact that he hasn't gotten in touch with me since my text makes me think all the more that he knows.... Why would someone knowingly give this to another person?

I can't eat, I do not want to get out of bed..... I get my son back today and don't know how to be normal right now...

I've told one friend as she knew I had slept with him and she's been great, but I'm scared and lonely. What if I'm alone forever? I'm 42, it's hard enough to start over after a divorce, but how do I add this in??

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Hey FballMum

I'm afraid that is the point of a blood test right now... to get a negative result. Without it, you have no real 'evidence' that this partner was your giver. If this is important to you to provide information to this partner such that he confronts his HSV status and his behaviours then you do need a HSV IgG type specific test pronto.

Wait for your diagnosis before confronting the issues of what you intend to do about it from a health, medication, relating and dating perspective. The type you have, the antivirals you may take, the diet you follow, the nature of your immune system will all have an impact on the risks you pose as an infectious partner. These may be much lower than you think - and your partner may already be infected. You can then decide what is right for you in terms of how you approach a relationship of varying natures and the role that disclosure plays.

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Fballmom, it will take some time to learn to accept this and live with H. After you learn what you can from this website and get through this situation, you will begin to feel better. Dating will come again eventually. How you present yourself and the virus will determine how prospective partners respond. There may be rejections, but you just keep trying. I never expected anyone to accept me, but someone was able to look past the virus and see me (and I am a walking train wreck). You seem like a very loving person. You won't be alone forever; trust me. Just give yourself time to adjust and learn as much as you can. Remember, you are still the same beautiful person, that hasn't changed.

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Does the fear go away or at least lie further down inside of you? I keep reading how stress is bad, I'm so scared and then because of the fear I'm stressed!

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Thank you for all of your encouragement, I'm going to call my primary dr and see what she wants to do (she wasn't available and I just wanted to get in) and try to keep reading and get my head and heart around this.

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Hi fballmom! I'm sorry to hear about your situation. That seems very difficult. I promise you is does get better. I literally thought my life was over and I became so depressed when I found out. But I decided to take control of the situation and learned as much as I could about it. I have a better diet, go to the gym, take vitamins and my meds and I have not had a problem. I also attend a monthly support group and go to social events in my area that have helped me. I also met an amazing guy who is in our community and he has been my blessing. So supportive and wonderful. I actually feel better today then I ever have in my life. H sucks but it's not the end of the world. If you need to talk, you can message me. Take care.


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hi fballmom, i was with a girl for four years who constantly broke up with me, cheated, lied, and i gave her everything meanwhile the most important thing to her was herself. i finally broke up with her two months ago and started dating someone new. I thought my life couldnt get better and just yesterday i found out i have herpes from my new relationship. Life is unfair and many times to people who dont deserve it. i understand how you feel, we just have to take life by the horns and remember that we're not going to die and we can live a perfect happy life as many others on here have shown. i wish you luck in your endeavors and hope to see an update form you in the future. take care.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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    • Artfulsoul
      Thanks for your story.  It seems similar to mine. Fortunately for you it seems your boyfriend is willing to pursue some kind of understanding. Since I wrote about what happened to me, my boyfriend broke up with me. The ironic thing is he told me this happened to him about 15 years ago with another woman. He said it was very traumatic for him and felt like the same thing once again. So it seems he had been exposed before and could very possibly have already been carrying the virus. Perhaps he knew and didn't tell me. I am really not sure but the relationship is over for now since he won't discuss it with me. So much fear information and confusion out there about the virus. I don't think they really understand how it happens so they tell everyone to be careful. Even having the virus it has been such a non-issue in my life until now that it appears there is so much stigma around it. It seems more like it is the Pharmaceutical companies wanting to make money off a common virus that affects so many on such a deep level, receiving love and physical contact.  Feels like a big scam to me.  The information was so different when there were no drugs to reduce or suppress the virus. It is all very confusing to me.
    • doh!
      I don't have hsv1 (2 instead) but yes, it is posssible to have an ob without the usual syptoms- or to miss more subtle signals. in my exprience said ob is mild (ie not painful).
    • lonelysoul
      Private message me please.
    • raka
      I contacted one of the ayurveda doctor in india he is saying there is 60% chances of cure through ayurveda for herpes Details: Please see the treatment details mentioned below
      Treatment Duration: 12 months - 18 months - 24 months.
      Generally majority of young patients with not a long history of infection gets cured in initial 12 months, but there are possibilities that the cure might need a total of 2 year’s medication too.
      Therefore you can start with first 6 months of medication and depending upon the results and prognosis further medication can be ordered later. 
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      Our aim is to cure the virus and not the symptoms, symptoms is just associated with the virus activity and after the 120 days medication the viral activity will be reduced and not fully stopped and that’s why you can get symptoms during the treatment, but this viral activity will be weak, and that’s why symptoms will be milder and will go away faster.  As the treatment progresses then the viral activity will further reduce and ultimately the virus will be dead. 
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      Vidanga – False black pepper – Embelia ribes
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      Pippalimoola – Long pepper root – Piper longum
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      Ela – Cardamom – Elettaria cardamomum
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      Trivrit – Operculina turpethum
      Chitraka – Lead Wort (root) – Plumbago zeylanica
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      Shati – Curcuma zeodaria / Hedychium spicatum
      Water decoction of Haritaki – Chebulic Myrobalan fruit rind – Terminalia chebula
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    • Lilhurp
      Also I’ve had them heal and come back almost immediately. Waiting for culture test results. These are the only symptoms I’ve experienced 

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