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Numb1989

Hello everyone...

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Numb1989

I should be writing my 7-pages essay for college right now, but I couldn't concentrate or take that pain anymore. I need someone who will understand, with no judgements...

I'm a 23 years old female and I'm married. I got genital herpes from my husband, a year and a half ago. He had strange sores on his genital parts and he claimed it was an alergic reaction to a laundry powder. A few days later I got the same sores. The physical pain was rough, but uncomparable to the mental pain. I felt betrayed, I thought either he cheated on me, either he knew about the herpes and didn't told me about it. I cried for weeks, I felt depressed. He claimed that he had no idea about the herpes and he never had a flare before this one.

The amusing part is - since then, he had not had even one flare. I get several every month.

I started to forget about the herpes because it does not stop me from being who I am. But, a few minutes ago I noticd a sore on my lips. Facial herpes just poped out to remind me of everything I tried to forget. I'm honestly close to a breaking point... I don't want to be alone. And I really want somebody to explain me if there is a chance that my husband had herpes and was not aware of it.

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WilsoInAus

It is entirely possible that either or both of you took genital herpes into the relationship unknowingly. Based on how you describe your experience it would seem that you became infected 18 months ago. However, as you suggest you have oral HSV-1, the chances that you had an earlier asymptomatic infection are well over 50%.

Most people with the virus do not know they have it and never experience outbreaks or do so very infrequently. It is more likely your husband is one of these people than any alternative.

I'd really go with the benefit of the doubt and remember that love transcends this virus.

Have you and your husband had IgG HSV type specific blood testing? Do you know which strains you and your husband have?

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Numb1989

No we were not tested. I went to the doctor only durin the first most painful flares, and he could obviously see that it is herpes.

Is it important to do a blood test after I already know I'm infected ?

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WilsoInAus

I would suggest that it is important for you both to be tested. With the visual diagnosis and outbreaks since the original, it does seem highly likely you have a HSV infection, although stranger things have happened.

The strains you have may be of interest. For example, if you only have HSV-1, then a scenario such as you infecting your husband genitally with HSV-1 from giving him oral sex then you receiving genital HSV-1 from his genitals. Not perhaps a likely scenario, nor one that could be eliminated. If it is genital HSV-1 it could explain why he's had potentially just the one outbreak and may be a sign you'll settle down to the average of one outbreak each 5 years. You may even be discordant, meaning one has a strain the other hasn't. There may also be implications for pregnancies that you may wish to identify and learn about now.

There is also another approach. If you love each other very much and will build a life totally around and for each other, then you may feel it better to simply live with what you both have. You can't do very much about what either of you have now, so why place a virus on a mantle it simply doesn't deserve.

Trust and integrity are important characteristics. You are both very young though. There is a lot of ignorance out there. Even if your husband had or ought to have had some inkling, then maybe his maturity wasn't just up to it at that point in time to deal with it. Maybe it was a piece of poor judgement that he didn't want to lose the chance of a life with you by exploring any concerns he had. Given the circumstances I'm sure it is worth a chance to look only forward.

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