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I reallly messed up someone's life, permanently


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Hi all,

I have been living with genital herpes for about 2 1/2 years now. I found out that I had it through and outbreak that I think was triggered by the stress of my uncle's death. I believe that it was in my system for at least a year before that. I had been depressed and sought out psychiatric help after I was diagnosed. It was a very bad time for me that escalated every time I had an outbreak. It was horrible, so I went on a year's worth of Valtrex to suppress it and I am trying to move on with my life. In the process of this, I met someone. We became very serious but I never told him about my condition. Despite the fact that I went through all of this and knew how herpes would ruin his life, I didn't tell him. I thought that the Valtrex and condoms would protect him. This was extremely selfish of me. He found my valtrex pills and four months later he had his first outbreak...I know what he is going through right now and we are trying to work through my deceit. He trusted in me and I betrayed that. Our relationship is so strayed. I found for him to get Valtrex for free through a GSK program. I constantly search for holistic treatments, therapy sessions, natural herbs, whatever I can to help him. I found the website searching for information to help him. He is so hurt and upset with me. I want our relationship to work, but I think that I have damaged us beyond repair. I know that I am so wrong and I try to apologize, but everytime he has an outbreak he gets more and more upset with me. I am trying to hold on, but what can I do to help our situation?

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why didnt you tell him in the first place?

theres not much you can do but hope he forgives you, and work on rebuilding the trust

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I was so stupid. I wanted to tell him, but one thing led to another and time passed. I should have made the time, but I didn't. He is trying to forgive me, and we are trying to rebuild our relationship. I know that he loves me, but I also know that he is so hurt right now.

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be honest now..

one thing lead to another doesnt cut it for me..

im not judging you, as we all make mistakes, but i hope you learnt you lesson and in the future tell any possible partners..

im hope you didnt think once he had it he wouldnt leave you..

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wow, as i'm reading this, i started to cry!!!!!! you were indeed selfish!!!!!! i will pass judgement, who the hell do you think you are? you took this mans life into your own hands, and made this choice for him! as i get older in life i realize the importance of being a responsible adult. this IS HOW HERPES IS SPRED, and you knew this! just ask yourself this do you deserve to be forgiven? what if the partner you only knew to trust gave you HIV? i know there is a huge difference between the two, you cant die from having herpes, HOWEVER the emotional stress is the same. the only reason this upsets me, is you stated you knew you had it!!!!.... and during this whole time of being sexual with him guilt never set in to once tell him, he had to find valtrex.... which then tells me, you were really ok hiding it, just so you could keep him in your life...... i'd ask god to never allow someone to make decisions for you,....... and then ask for advise? you have balls!

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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