can't f-in' believe it!

[wutevayawl]

ok, so i was visiting my sister this weekend, haven't seen her in a while, she knows i have hsv2, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. well, the whole weekend she's like hyper-vigilant about not getting everyone's glasses mixed up, and i figured, you know, she's just generally kind of like that anyhow. well, yesterday, my last day there, she ends up accidentally drinking out of my cup (by now it's just me and her, all of her other guests have left), and she flips out! she actually said "i'm not gonna get herpes now, am i?" i've had herpes for almost three years, and now she's freaking. doesn't like 80% of the population have type one anyway?? i was so shocked, i didn't confront her about how it made me feel, and my husband is pissed off and wants to confront her now, and i'm hurt and feel kind of betrayed, i mean, she's my sister, she's a biologist for crying out loud, shouldn't SHE know better, of all people??? thoughts? comments? anything??

[Shayna]

I'm sorry that happened with your sister, wut. I'm pretty sure I'll be sorry at some point for telling a certain person....even a particular family member, It just seems inevitable.

I know if I told my sister she would respond the exact way your sister has. If I'm not putting her in harms way, I'm not telling her.

Often if we all go out for dinner we'll get a couple of deserts and a lot of forks, then just take bites from the main plate...I had been thinking that from now on I'd just take a little on a separate plate.

This is one issue that makes me feel bad...

Maybe you should share with her that you are hurt by her behavior and talk it out?

[BoxofRain]

While her response was very hurtful, fear is a common human emotion and if you do have oral herpes then it can in fact be transmitted by sharing drinks, eating utensils, etc, even while no coldsore/oubtreak is present. So while rude and hurtful and not tactful at all she has a right to be cautious about it because it is a legitimate concern. However, she could have been a lot more sensitive about it in my opinion.....dont you just love family?

[Caliope]

gotta add. my mom raised me and my siblings in a home with an emphasis on alternative medicine and a 50/50 disregard for modern medicine. she also begged my sister and me to go into the nursing field. I selected not to but my sister did. She used to rub my nose in her Baccauleate degree.

She is now married with three darling children and honestly I've never seen a less health conscious family. My sis lives on cake and pepsi. she is anorexic thin and is now starting to have severe skeletal problems and was newly diagnosed with scoliosis and deteriorating discs. She has never exercised in her life and she lets the kids eat whatever they want. mostly chocolate and cookies. If the kids complain at all she loads them up on tylenol but never a vitamin, never healthy veggies or snacks. I finally concluded that mom's aversion turned my sister completely away from health and made me embrace it and even though I am 2 years older than her and well rounded physically most people think I am her younger sister by about 8 years. I wonder if her medical knowledge doesn't keep her from taking health seriously if she believes she can just pop a pill.

Btw I will never tell my sister I have hsv she'll equate it with AIDS and she already thinks that because I'm not married and have a bf that I'm going to hell.

Oh well, what can ya do. Instead of asking questions and doing a little research some people just choose to be ignorant at others expense.

If I was you, and still had an ounce of patience left, I'd explain the situation to her and from there on out if she made a peep I'd be tempted to grab her glass and drink out of it every time I was around just to get her to lighten up.

The risk of transmitting this that way is very very slim. That is what natural antibodies are for and we all have them except for a few folks who have seriously compromised immune systems and they shouldn't be out an about if it is that touchy. If this wasn't so we'd be covered from head to toe in herpes blisters constantly and that just isn't the case.

[wutevayawl]

i guess

thanks everyone. the weird thing is, my husband is more angry about the whole thing than i am. i'm a little hurt, but i know it's mostly ignorance. it's odd that i, the usually explosive one, am being very calm and laid back and not really furious, and he, the usually let it go type, is very much wanting to tell her off and all. i find it interesting.

anyhow, i guess i should probably send her to a site like this one where she can find real information instead of what she thinks she knows (emphasis on thinks). PhD does not equal life knowledge. i'm learning that quickly.

[Shayna]

It's refreshing to hear that your husband is protective of your feelings. It sounds like he has your best interest at heart. Very sweet.

I think it would be great for your sister to read some posts from people who have experience living with herpes. Also for her to hear the emotional aspects from real humans, Not just text books.

[Caliope]

Your husband might see something in your sisters display that you do not and he didn't appreciate her reaction. You love her and are more willing to forgive and forget based on your long term relationship.

Maybe she knows about hsv and just wants to be mean to you or draw attention to it so that she can pretend she's superior. Or maybe she's just ignorant but after three years that seems unlikely. I don't like to make excuses for others bad behavior.

Do you have hsv orally? Is this really the issue? And what makes her think you go around willy nilly spreading hsv to people? - that is pretty inconsiderate of her to make this assumption.

[Anonymous]

I really can't stand it when people act like that. I honestly wouldn't wish oral herpes on my worst enemy and am usually very cautious about it, but do some of these people expect us to live in a bubble? I do not know when or how I contracted the virus so I luckily never had the chance to put blame on anyone (because I really don't think that is fair unless someone is blatantly irresponsible or deliberate). If what I have read is true, most of us actually have the virus and I am just one of the unlucky ones that gets symptoms recurrently. To my knowledge, I have never given it to anyone, but if most people have the virus already how would they really know if I gave it to them or not? I guess if it happened soon after contact with me...but can't the virus lay dormant for years? Has anyone else thought about this? Either way, it is always important to be careful about not spreading it around. I just wish that people like your sister would be more sensitive to how it makes us feel and that most of us are just as worried about giving it as they are about getting it.

[BoxofRain]

Oral herpes causes cold sores or fever blisters on the lips or inside the mouth. Cold sores and fever blisters are common in young children because parents can pass oral herpes on to their kids with a goodnight kiss or the children can easily pick it up by sharing drinking glasses or common childish play at school.

(with kids they are more suseptible because of their immune systems) but in adults the risks still exist

http://www.herpesonline.org/articles/oral_herpes.htm

How is herpes spread?

Direct contact with the live virus including:

* Any direct contact with an herpes infection

* Kissing, touching or caressing actively infected areas

* Sexual contact (vaginal, oral, or anal sex)

* Cold sores or mouth herpes can be spread by sharing the same drinking glass, lipstick, cigarette, etc.

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_transmission.htm

It is possible to spread oral herpes, even without visible symptoms (shedding) to others by sharing glasses and utensils, etc. so though your sister was completely rude about it, her fears are legitimate and she is allowed to try and protect herself. Just as people who have genital herpes and are not showing symptoms should tell their partners because even without visible symptoms shedding is possible, and while every contact with someone with herpes will not necesarily transmit the virus, there is always room for it to happen, making it a risk, low risk or high depending on the situation. All I am saying is people have a right to try and protect themselves against a virus if they do not want to contract it and if certain measures taken seem a little crazy to someone with the virus, it does not seem crazy to a person who is aware of the POSSIBLE ways it can be spread and takes precautions accordingly. Its possible to share glasses with someone who has oral herpes and not get herpes, but it still can happen and people have a right to protect themselves if they do not want to open themselves to the possibilty of also getting the virus, however low the risk may be, it still exists and some people without the virus would rather be safe than sorry. That is their right. its just too bad people are sometimes not very sensitive to the person who has the virus. Letting your sister browse this site might make her open her eyes to what it is actually like living with this and maybe she would change her attitude and be more compassionate.