Found out Today

[whyme2004]

I called the doctor this morning to get my results and the nurse tells me it's positive. I'm freaking out a little. I don't know what to do. I've been dating the same guy for 10 months. We've been sexually active for about 7 months. I'm on the pill, so we never really used anything else. He knew about the tiny little sore I had and actually even took me to the doctor. When I told him about the possibility of herpes, he started asking if I'd been cheating and that really bothered me. He's the only guy I've ever been with so it has to be him that passed it to me. He declared that he'd never had problems so it couldn't be him. Anyway, I really don't know how to tell him my test was positive. We've been talking about getting married and I don't know how he'll react, since he was so negative last week. Any advice and kind words will be great.

Also, I realize everyone is different, but how often and severe are eveyone's recurrences? This was my only sore and it was only there about a week. Only one tiny little red spot and now all this... HELP!!

[Shayna]

Hi whyme,

oooh...That phone call is like a knife in your heart, isn't it?! That's how it felt for me.

If you read posts on this board you'll see that a few people share their experience of being a virgin and getting herpes. I think some people don't think oral sex is sex...But it is sex, and if a person with hsv1 gave you oral in the past you may have contracted that in your genital area. Or if you had coldsores in the past and touched that area and then happened to touch your genitals you may have spread it that way.

Also your boyfriend may have carried hsv2 and not known he had it because he never had any symptoms.

You got it somewhere...you and your boyfriend have to be really honest, and accurate with yourselves, and past experiences to come up with an answer. Not that you'll ever be able to actually pin point it now...The important part is knowing that you have it and learning as much as you can about herpes so you can manage it.

Please know that everyone's sypmtoms are different, So knowing how one person experiences it could be extremly different from how you will experience it. Sometimes hearing worst case scenario's will only scare you..Sort through and know only time will tell how you will experience herpes yourself.

Take care and good luck.

[whyme2004]

My current boyfriend is really the only one. At all. I've been sheltered. Anyway, I guess that's one of the reasons why it's kind of hard for me to believe. I've never done anything with anybody for all my twenty years and now this. It's really hard to accept.

[mbrauneis]

your bf is probably a carrier with no symptoms he needs to go to the doctor and get a type specific blood test. you can have this for years and never know so he needs to go look at some facts instead of trying to blame you for it. print of some fact sheets on herpes and have him read them. i hope everything works out for the best.

[i'm ok now]

i got it from my current boyfriend too, i know this because i have been tested in the pst for all std's, herpes, and even HIV. my first and only ob was 2 months after we were sexual.... when we noticed it, i thought i had been bit by a spider (thats how small it was, plus it was on my thigh) when we got my test results back i was devastated (of course) the one thing i took from all this is,,, i'm still in love, placing blame doesnt help! and he is very supportive regarding all of this that we found ourselves facing for the rest of our lives.

i cant give you advise on who to be in love with (you mentioned marriage), what i would do is suggest asking yourself (knowing you've never been with anyone else at ALL) is he worth extra heart ache if he is not going to be there for you?

also have him tested to! and be there with and for him once the test resluts come back. make sure to have all your unanswered questions wrote down, (this is advise i was given) mainly what your looking for him to hear is that he could have been the one to give it to you, even with no symptoms. but again if your both in love..... then pointing the finger is something i would avoid. take this time to educate yourselves.... its not going to go away, however i doesnt have to be the end of your worlds together!!!!!! just something to think about.

[Caliope]

whyme24 - When you talk to your guy you might bring up condoms and how you've never been with anyone else but him but did he in the past always use condoms with his other partners? Maybe he used them without knowing that they can't protect 100% against hsv and maybe he'd like to go and get himself completely checked out.

Then there is the question of oral sex for him and does he know that oral sex can transmit hsv and could he have ever had unprotected oral sex with someone other than you?

If he refuses to get tested you should know that that is a big red flag. And if this is true and he keeps blaming it on you - you should feel warned that something isn't right. I would run for the hills in this situation.

Think about my suggestions and how you know he communicates and come at it less from a blame perspective so much as hey did you ever do this? yes, no, maybe, because. . . condoms sometimes don't protect against everything and here's why. If it goes well then suggest testing him.

I agree with i'm ok now that going together for testing or to consult with the dr can be a great pacifier toward mutual knowledge and responsibility.

I so hope for this to go well for you.

[BeantownBeauty]

Just found out

I just found out today that I had herpes. Without divulging too much information, I believe I got herpes from an...uninvited sex partner. Now my biggest fear is that I've spread it...and people are going to find out and start saying horrible things about me. Did anyone else feel like when they were walking out of the clinic that everyone on the sidewalk knew, and was staring at you?

[Confused01]

Hey whyme,

WOW! Are you talking about me minus the b'f. Oops nope well that was me at about 11am this morning. Yes that phone call is like a knife in your heart. Every worst thought starts going through your head your hands start shaking and then come the tears! That's how it felt for me.

I can't offer any advice right now since I'm still in shell shock but I can tell you this... this is a great place to be and there are some pretty amazing and wonderful people here. Always willing to listen and give advice that's for sure.

Take Care and I wish you and yours all the best of luck!

[Caliope]

Confused01 - I sent you a PM. Caliope