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unattractive

By unattractive
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unattractive Honeycomb Member

unattractive

Posted
Posted

So what do you do when you have it but you newly wed doesnt? What do you do when he doesnt touch you anymore and cant blame him for it? What do you do when he starts spending more and more time out of the house and not with you. No kissing, no touching, no nothing. I cant even remember the last time I saw him hard. I mean we were like rabbits before the night of confession. How do you look in the mirror at yourself knowing that you will have this for the rest of your life? Well, I feel all of that and dont have a clue of where to start.

Help. Support. Something, anything would be nice.

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Caliope Platinum Support Member

Caliope

Posted
Posted

Lots of questions. How did you find out you have hsv and how do you know that your husband doesn't have it? Did he have herpes specific blood tests taken?

Is this something you have discussed or is there some avoidance going on because he thinks you cheated? Hsv is something a person can have for years and never have symptoms or an ob. It is also possible to have it and to have test results that are negative. Plus there are two types of hsv and they are both very contagious and easy to spread to others. Most people don't know that a cold sore is herpes and most people get it when they are children and once they are adults they spread it to others through oral sex. Did your husband accompany you to a consult with your dr to discuss how to live with this?

I'm sorry this is happening to you it really sucks. I couldn't deal with that kind of rejection.

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Shayna Platinum Support Member

Shayna

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I'm sorry you are in such a painful situation!

I'm wondering about the "night of confession" part?

Do you think he's more upset that you knew, and hadn't told him, or about the herpes itself?

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unattractive Honeycomb Member

unattractive

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Well I told him that I never cheated and I think he believes me about that. He was tested..I dont know if it was a specific test but the doc told him that he had HSV-1. Its still really hard to talk about it. You know Im still in shock myself. I do feel better after reading some of the things on this site but my home still isnt right. i dont know if I can except him not excepting it. A part of me is glad that he doesnt have it but then there is a part of me that wants him to just say I love you and I dont care..we'll be herpes happy together. Wishful thinking.

Lots of questions. How did you find out you have hsv and how do you know that your husband doesn't have it? Did he have herpes specific blood tests taken?

Is this something you have discussed or is there some avoidance going on because he thinks you cheated? Hsv is something a person can have for years and never have symptoms or an ob. It is also possible to have it and to have test results that are negative. Plus there are two types of hsv and they are both very contagious and easy to spread to others. Most people don't know that a cold sore is herpes and most people get it when they are children and once they are adults they spread it to others through oral sex. Did your husband accompany you to a consult with your dr to discuss how to live with this?

I'm sorry this is happening to you it really sucks. I couldn't deal with that kind of rejection.

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Caliope Platinum Support Member

Caliope

Posted
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So do you have hsv 1 genitally and he has hsv 1 orally? Does he realize he could be the one who gave it to you through oral sex?

Do you realize that he could have given it to you this way?

here is a helpful link. It explains the similarities and differences of hsv 1 and hsv 2 and how people contract them.

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_simplex_1_and_2.htm

I hope you can work it out. It is important to feel loved and supported.

Best wishes.

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unattractive Honeycomb Member

unattractive

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He was told to have HSV-1 and if I remeber right I have HSV-2. I'll have to ask my doctor again to make sure but thanks for the site. IT was real enlighting.

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    • CHT
      HSV genital likely?

      By CHT · Posted

      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      HSV genital likely?

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
      HSV-2 transmission under Valtrex daily therapy. Hopeful a healthy sex life is possible? Thx for sharing!

      By TS4real · Posted

      Out of curiosity, did you take valtrex at the very first OB?
    • FeelingLost75
      Tell me your symptoms

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      GHSV1 has be going crazy

      By TS4real · Posted

      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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