Found out yesterday

[jenniferinatlanta]

I am devastated. I am a 41 year old professional female and the embarrassment is overwhelming. Some single people out there please tell me how you can ever date? How do I make the 2 phone calls to the 2 people that I have slept with in 2 years? My friends said wait until I can see my doctor next week to make these calls. The doctors nurse told me over the phone yesterday, but I think, what if one of these men sleeps with a woman this weekend, passes this horrible STD along all because I waited 3 days? I know also that I will feel better when I get these calls over with.

It has not even been 24 hours for me and my diagnosis. I just don't know how I will ever come to peace with this. I feel like the possibility of ever having a loving relationship is over. Who would want me now????

[Shayna]

Hi Jeniferinatlanta,

That phone call with the diagnosis is devastating...at least it feels that way, I think. It's been almost a month for me now. The conclusion I came to was I would start from scratch (no pun intended). I realized I needed to learn everything I could about living well with this virus. I try to read as much as I can about herpes. I work on keeping my life as stress-free as possible, Getting enough rest, stay away from foods and alcohol that trigger out-breaks, and take suppliments to boost my immune system.

I decided to get comfortable with "me" having hsv2 before I would think about dating again. (that won't be forever!)

As far as the 2 guys, You really don't know who gave it to whom? And neither do they, right? So you are really in the same boat as they are. You just had an out-break before one of them did. I think it shows you have good integrity to worry about this spreading to others! Go ahead and make the calls... If everyone cared like you do this wouldn't be spreading at the rate it is.

Take care of yourself!

**You will find peace again**

[Caliope]

I agree with Shayna but calm down and breathe and think this through.

You are not, and have never been, responsible for the actions of someone else. You are not obligated to call anyone unless you feel in your heart that you won't be able to live with yourself if you don't. These men must be responsible for their own health and their own sexuality and the choices that go with both.

I'd wait until I got all of the results of all of the tests and had a chance to sit down with the doctor and consult with them on how to live with this and what recommendations they have for reducing outbreaks etc. Put some questions together such as "can they tell how long you have been infected and which strain of herpes do you have?"

That first few days are the worst - I can't think of very many calls that could be singularly more shocking or devastating. I recommend that you give yourself time to work this out - no rash decisions - concentrate on you and you alone and what you need to be happy and comfortable and at peace with yourself. Be gentle with yourself and don't berate yourself or hold yourself to blame for this. Heavy emotions and sorrow are hard on your body and soul and they make ob's worse for many of us. I want you to know that time is on your side and things will get better and you will figure out the dating thing when it is time for you to go there. Today isn't that day. Today is for taking care of you.

[jenniferinatlanta]

Thanks for the post

Thank you for responding. I just can't believe this is my life now. The shock is overwhelming. It is like the life I had planned is over.

I have a call in to see a therapist. I am not sure when I will call these men; everyone has different advice on that. I feel it gives me such anxiety at making these calls, the sooner I do them, the better for me.

I have never cried so much in my life. I know if others can come to terms with this I can, and I am sure in time the devastation will fade. But, I will always and forever be that woman with an STD.

Thanks again!!!

[gutted.]

dont worry so much about dating - ive had this since 2005, in which ive dated my ex, and now my current GF, ive told them both from the onset off my condition, and both wanted to carry on seeing me..

there are monsters out there, but not everyone will reject you..

just be sure the people u tell are people with integrity.

[Yazi]

I thought it was a yeast infection...

...because I am prone to having them. I'm 23 years old and I'm a circus entertainer. My job requires me to wear tight, binding clothing.

After 2 weeks outdoors in Georgia I came home feeling like I had a yeast infection, but OTC meds weren't working. My abdominal region got worse. Bumps surfaced. I went to Planned Parenthood, since I can't afford insurance/an MD, and they told me it was probably herpes. I had blood drawn, and they sent me home with acyclovir and lidocaine, neither of which seems to be working. I'll know for sure in 2 weeks.

But I already know. Horror of horrors, I gave it to my boyfriend, who had one of his sores scraped, and came back positive for HSV 1. I've been with my bf, and only my bf, since I met him in December, and prior to this have never had an OB, but I'm picking up the lingo pretty fast.

Guilt is seeping in. I didn't cheat on him, but before I met him I was playing one night stand roulette, always using a condom, which I know doesn't matter for skin to skin. I've lost track of most of the men, I don't know where/how to find them, and I don't know if I should wait for my test results, or if I should go ahead and start calling the ones I do know. And how does that work?

"Wow, you'll never believe what I found in my VJ! Herpes! Get tested!"

"Hi, I don't know if you remember me, but I was the girl in the banana boat hat at that party in either June or July. Just an FYI, you might want to be tested for HSV 1."

"Hey jerkface, it was you, wasn't it? I know it was you."

How is this done?

I have to joke about it. When my crotch is on fire, and it is painful to sit, stand, lay, not to mention do my very physically demanding job, laughing is the only coping mechinism I have left (though the pressure of my diaphram pushing into my abdomin with every guffaw is nothing to sneeze at, which also hurts).

I'm currently searching for ways to relieve the OB that changed my life. Any ointments, OTC drugs, etc?

[Yazi]

picking up the lingo, but not how to work a message board. Sorry for the miss-thread, everyone.

Jenniferinatlanta, being a newbie I've been digesting everything I can about HSV. While it is life changing, it is not life threatening, and coming from a smart-ass kid, it could be worse. An important thing that I have to keep reminding myself is to stay calm, which is about the hardest thing in the world right now. When I allow myself to get upset, the physical pain intensifies, and being stressed out can lead to prolonged and more frequent OBs.

Wishing you health and peace.

[bluefrog]

jenniferinatlanta,

i just found out last month that I am hsv 1 and 2 positive. I am a 44 year old single mother of one adult child and three teenagers. Talk about devastation. I think I know exactly how you feel. Especially where love and relationships and intimacy are involved. I feel like my life is over in that aspect. I have been reading posts here and reading whatever I can get my hands on. I just started taking vitamins and always eat quite healthy. I am going to do some research on the bloodwork because everything i read says results take 1-2 weeks, but i had bloodwork done on a friday and the following tuesday the doc was calling with results. like, what's up with that???? Hang in there; together and with this site, we will perservere and come out winners.

[agentorange]

Iknow how you feel!!!

Hi there I wanted to let you know that you are not alone...I'm actually about two below you where I made my first post couple days ago when i first found out. This has been devastating!!! Tremendously devastating. Although I'm a male and consider myself very very strong, this really devastated me.. I wake up feeling like crap and it feels like I want to go to bed early every day just so that I avoid the inner pain. I try to move-on during my day, but its very hard. What does make it a lil better is knowing that you are not alone in this and that there are a lot of support groups in this as well. There are times in my day where I just lose it and I cant afford to because I work in a very controlling atmosphere where showing your tears can affect you. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I sympathasize with you..Someone wrote me something very nice telling me i was going to be ok. I guess that's coming from someone that just found out 2 months ago. Try to keep your head high, I am!!

[jenniferinatlanta]

Thanks Agentorange. I am making my calls and that has really calmed me. I haven't made them to try and understand where I got it but because I can't live with the thought of anyone passing this because of me. The tears have slowed but I hate that this will always be in the back of my mind. I can see myslef having fun, and then it pops in my mind. I would rather have cancer. At least with cancer you can tell people, you get sypmathy and you can get cured. Sad to say but true. Thanks for the note. chin up, have a fun day!!!

[Yazi]

Cancer?

I would rather have cancer. At least with cancer you can tell people, you get sypmathy and you can get cured.

Seriously? You would rather have something that could kill you? You would rather have the possibility of having Chemo? Just so people could feel sorry for you? and you wouldn't have to feel embarassed or ashamed? Pardon me, but I think that is seriously whacked.

You're alive. You aren't going to die from this. Treatment options are far less severe and dangerous to your body.

It isn't cancer. And I'm thanking my diety of choice for that.

[Shayna]

Thanks Agentorange. I am making my calls and that has really calmed me. I haven't made them to try and understand where I got it but because I can't live with the thought of anyone passing this because of me. The tears have slowed but I hate that this will always be in the back of my mind. I can see myslef having fun, and then it pops in my mind. I would rather have cancer. At least with cancer you can tell people, you get sypmathy and you can get cured. Sad to say but true. Thanks for the note. chin up, have a fun day!!!

Jenniferinatlanta,

Please be very careful with your words and your thoughts. I think self-talk is very powerful. I'm sure you don't mean what you just said...But even thinking in those terms seems dangerous. Maybe you could replace them with something to the effect of...I know my body is strong, and will continue to fight this virus and keep my out-breaks at bay. I have many fun days ahead in my future.

[Warmsmilingeyes]

Where to start, I got my herpes from my then husband, it turned out he was cheating on me, I have had it for several years now but it is just now "kicking my butt" in the sense that I am having a hard time dealing with the reactions I get when I tell a man i have herpes, the reaction I guess is understandable, but the rejection is still hurtful

[bluefrog]

dear warmsmilingeyes,

that is one of my biggest fears also; telling men that i am infected with the herpes virus. have you thought about seeking men who are also infected? there is a link to the right of these messages you can check out. also, there is information about dating and revealing, etc. i dread it, have not had to deal with it yet and as much as i don't want to have to, i don't want to be alone the rest of my life and i def. WANT to have sex again. How long do you wait to tell them? Do you tell right away, or do you wait and see if you both like each other????

[notmyrealalias]

Are you sure you had the virus while sleeping with these people?

I'd call them if itll give you piece of mind - but don't worry. Things WILL get better.

First OB sucks ass. I have it on my hands, not my genitals. But I have to worry about touching my genitals, eyes, ears, arms, legs nose, everything during my OBs - And i wear gloves in public.

My first OB was 2 weeks ago, yesterday - 2 weeks is usually when virial shedding ends on the hands from what i've read... Honestly Its only a matter of time before it spreads to my genitals, I cant go pee with no hands forever.

Avoid things high in wheat, coconut, chocolate, oats, nuts, and corn.

Eat more Vegies, beef, fish, chicken and type of stuff.

You want MORE LYSINE in your system, and less ARGINIE.

I take around 1.5-3grams a day.

3grams during OBs, or to prevent them - 1.5 on a daily basis.