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i'm freaking out!!! :(

Vannesita1

By Vannesita1
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Vannesita1 Honeycomb Member

Vannesita1

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hello guys, i'm glad i found this page, i just found out i have genital herpes, and i'm really sad and crying all the time, i have no idea how to tell my boyfriend cuz i'm pretty sure i got it from a guy that raped me about 4 years ago.. all my other tests are negative.. but i'm so afraid my bf is not gonna react well... right now i need support and esp. from ppl like me, that have actually gone through this and know much more than i do... i think i had a blister about 3 months ago, a really small one but i thought it was from the heath... i had no idea!!! oh well, i'd really like to make friends that r going trough the same... i'd really aprecciatte it!! thanks guys and good luck!!!

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Vannesita1 Honeycomb Member

Vannesita1

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ummm

he was in some vaccine study for malaria or something like that and he was tested for everything and it was all negative, and everytime we have had sex we used protection.. so i don't think he has it... and i wouldn't like to give it to him... is it safe to do it with a condom??

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Caliope Platinum Support Member

Caliope

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Condoms are not 100% effective against contracting or transmitting hsv because the virus can infect skin that is not covered by a condom.

If you have genital hsv you may consider that an ob can occur anywhere in the genital area. Some people consider the entire "boxer short" area to be guideline for potential infection or ob.

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BoxofRain Acknowledged Support Member

BoxofRain

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your sex life as you knew it, yes (meaning care free, worry free, and unprotected oral sex for the people who dont want to risk getting it orally or genitally as well as wherever they already have it)

your sex life in general, not necessarily

having herpes sucks bad, Im not going to lie but it causes you to gather all inner strength, adapt, change, and modify different areas in your life accordingly. Theres a lot of great posts on here that talk about it in depth.....all different areas pertaining to it.......feelings, emotions, anger, fear, tips to try and be safer, things that work, things that dont, some hope, some positive experiences that make it seem like someday you will find happiness again and not dwell on this. It will be hard for a while but you have support here.

Also, dont be so sure they tested your boyfriend for everything when he was in that study. He needs to have proof of a blood test that was negative for herpes to be sure. Most people that get tested for "all stds" even dont know they are not tested for herpes standardly unless they specifically ask to be in addition. Unless he has his records of what they tested him for, he can not be sure he did not have it, as you never need any signs or symptoms to have, carry or transmit this virus.....which is what so many people dont understand and why they think there's no way they could have had it, when in reality its very possible. So, dont beat yourself up because he could have given it to you unknowingly and had it all this time. Is there anyway to ask the doctor about the blood test results and the antibodies and whether or not they can say if it was a more recent infection, sometimes they can tell. Also, be honest with your boyfriend and dont be so quick to assume it was from the incident 4 years ago, because it might very well not have been. Just be honest that you never had symptoms, never knew it was possible to even carry it without any signs and explain that he could have just as easily had it and without past medical record proof of a negative blood test he can not even begin to point the finger your way( if he does in fact test positive as well and it is not a recent exposure for him). It is often something that people never get to the bottom of in terms of who actually carried and gave it to who. That shouldnt be the focus anyhow........first and foremost, have him get tested via type specific herpes blood test (you dont ever have needed to have any symptoms to get this test) and if it comes back negative at first, wait 6 weeks or more and have him get restested the same way, as it can sometimes take longer for the antibodies to show up in newer cases. If he still is negative then you'll know you carry it, and he has not been infected yet. If he tests negative at first, then positive, it means he has recently contracted it from you. either way, no one has tried to purposely infect or withold information and if he truly loves you he will be there for you regardless. Good luck. Dont lose hope....we understand :)

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Caliope Platinum Support Member

Caliope

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vannesita there are ways to reduce the chances of spreading hsv. Do you take the daily antivirals that can help suppress the virus? it is one thing that can help reduce the chances of transmission along with using condoms and healthy choices you can have a near normal sex life.

I take Acyclovir daily and vitamins supplements to boost my immune system to keep ob's away.

I also wanted to make a comment about hsv and testing. Since condoms are not 100% effective it is possible to spread or contract hsv when using them and since most std testing doesn't include tests for hsv it can make people feel safe and secure when that isn't necessarily true. The same goes for getting tested. You can have a clear test today but have sexual contact with someone tomorrow and get a std that fast. It only takes once. Add to it that most people don't understand how easy it is to get hsv from oral sex practices with people who have cold sores and don't realize that they are a form of herpes.

I don't know what the situation is with your bf but it is possible that he could have it or could have given it to you without knowing and the same goes for other sexual partners you may have had in the past. And that isn't ruling out that the man who attacked you isn't really the one who infected you either as it very well could have been him.

This virus is sneaky and many people are unaware they have it or don't realize the symptoms they have are from hsv and they don't get tested.

It is really hard to hear that you have herpes. It is devastating and scary and it's hard to know how to feel but time helps. First we deal with the physical symptoms and then we deal with the mental symptoms which are maybe worse. Then later we deal with how to move on and be whole people with lovers and a sex life. Things will get better.

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Caliope Platinum Support Member

Caliope

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Dental Dams

if he performed oral on you and you have hsv he could have it orally or not. It can go oral to genital to genital to oral.

But for protection they do have these protective things called dental dams that can be used when performing oral sex on a female but I've never seen one and don't know how they are supposed to work.

I think they are originally designed to be used by dentists and they have been mentioned here so I know they can be purchased. You might want to google it or maybe they sell them at adult shops.

Sorry I wish I knew more about them.

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Vannesita1 Honeycomb Member

Vannesita1

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ohhh

thanks for responding!! i really aprecciate it!! umm, i guess that means no more oral anymore, even though we both love it!! umm and i remember i have had herpes I since i was a kid.. maybe i caused this?? in my genital area i mean...??

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Caliope Platinum Support Member

Caliope

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If you've been doing it and you know you have hsv has the knowledge changed your relationship so much that you can't work it out?

I found out I had this two years into the relationship and not using protection. We assume he doesn't have it but I don't know for sure. I've had to consider that he could have it now. If I'd found out before hand it would have been very different.

So since I know for sure I have it I take antiviral meds and I monitor my health and I take extra vitamins etc. but we have chosen to not use condoms still. It is a risk we choose to take and the same goes for oral sex.

I would want to make that decision with my partner with everything on the table. How does your bf feel about all of this?

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