Not newly diagnosed, but newly informed

[curlysue]

finally, after having herpes for 2 years, ive finally stopped being so scared of it and decided to find out about it. its ridiculous, ive only just found out about the blood tests, etc.

my doctor took one look at me "down there" and said in a disgusted voice "its herpes". and then asked me how many sexual partners id had, and that i should use condoms. when i told her the truth, that after my 2 year relationship (when we were both virgins) id slept with 2 people, and that id always always used a condom, she didnt believe me for a second. she gave me a leaflet and sent me out of her room. i burst into hysterical sobbing and called my best friend (who actually went out and told her other good friend, the biggest gossiper in our town... good friend, i know) and tried to forget it. I knew who'd given it to me (it was exactly five days after i slept with him that it started) and now if i could take back anything, it would be those five minutes that he lasted, the bastard. (im not showing any sympathy towards him, because i let him know about it and he said that his previous girlfriend had symptoms too but still freaked out about me maybe giving it to him! and then went on to tell everyone at our school about my sensitive condition)

but since then, apart from taking the tablets she told me to take (i have no idea what they are called) i put herpes to the back of my mind. i never had sex for a year, and when i finally did id had no outbreaks at all since that first (terrible) one and had no symptons. and i used a condom, but the guy still caught it. it was awful, although he didnt show he was bothered (such a caring guy, i have no idea how i would have reacted) i have never felt more guilty in my life.

so now, again after another year break from avoiding all sexual contact, i think im finally ready to find out about it. its ruining my life. my doctor never tried to take a blood test, and im sorry to say ive never had an STI check since before it all happened (the tests i'd had before were all negative).

i started thinking about it all again (im good at forgetting about it now... putting it to the back of my mind) because there is a guy i like. and the worst thing is he is a doctor so must know all about it. i know ill have to tell him eventually, and ive no idea how he will react (since he will be so clued up about it).

the worrying thing is that since i got it myself while using a condom, and passed it on using a condom, i know ill pass it on again. like, thats an educated guess, not facts. and i havent had any symptoms AT ALL since that first attack. how am i supposed to know if I'm contagious?! How can u call cope so well?

thanks for reading, im not a very good writer, and especially not with this - im freaking out slightly!

[Caliope]

Everything is less scary once you find out the facts so you can plan and prepare and be able to answer questions if need be.

The thing you need to be really aware of is that it only takes a moment to get an std that will be with you for the rest of your life. Condoms can't protect you against everything as you have learned. Consider this, you can't be inside anyone elses head, you don't know if they are telling you the truth, clear std results are only clear on the day the tests are taken and that can change in one moment.

There are ways to reduce the chances of spreading hsv but you need to do your homework and pay attention to your body. There are antivirals such as Valtrex and Acyclovir but you need to take them daily to reduce the chances of spreading this and to suppress the ob's or contagious times. You'll still want to use condoms and know that you can get a different strain of hsv from someone else just as easily as you can pass this on.

The biggest help is to maintain healthy life practices that keep your immune system strong. Get lots of sleep, drink lots of water, eat healthy foods, take vitamin supplements and stay away from smoking and excessive alcohol (if you drink).

And just because someone is a dr and "should know everything" does not mean that they do and it does not mean that they don't have std's also.

Be safe and be smart.