There are good guys!

[Nicolee]

I have been fortunate enough to have not one but two very understanding boyfriends in the past few years. I've had herpes HSV 1 down there since I was 18...now 25. It's flippin' hard to tell them, but I lay down the facts like I'm a doctor b/c I practically feel like one! Shocked at first, but they both came back!!! I thought to myself, "if he can over come this, just imagine what a glorious relationship we may partake in in the future." I think herpes has actually had a very positive affect on me; I now chose men that are freakin' worth my time!

I pray that there are good guys out there for all of you single ladies! You are beautiful and you deserve all the love under the sun~

[unattractive]

well maybe I just married the wrong one because my husband acts like it doesnt affect his life. I try and talk to him about it but he just jokes. Maybe thats his way of coping but it makes it so much harder on me. I hope one day he can become one of the "good ones"

[Caliope]

unattractive - (I wish you didn't call yourself that) sweetie they don't change they just show more of their true colors over time.

I had a bad husband and each year it got worse. When it ended I had hsv but never even knew he'd cheated on me because I was so busy trying to keep up with his whims and games. I was in so much pain.

Now I have the man of my dreams and after two years I can't believe that it keeps getting better. This is the truth. He doesn't even have hsv and he treats me like I am a princess.

you have one life to live. if you can't figure out a way to be happy you will only have yourself to blame. I believe in commitment but if you are a newlywed and it is already rough I can only imagine what 5 years or 10 years will do to your spirit. It hurts me to know what you're going thru because that was me once upon a time. You need to know that you are the master of your destiny. You have the power to find happiness for yourself. You deserve it.

Just don't let him walk all over you and hurt you.

[Support1]

Unattractive,

Well, my boyfriend does not joke about it, but he acts as if this issue does not bother him. I really don't understand how you could act this way with something like this. Yes, I have evolved into the person that is dealing with it more calmly, but initially, I had a totally different attitude regarding this virus. To date, I still cannot have a supportive conversation about this issue with him. Just the other day, we started to discuss it and he acted as if it is no big deal. I told him that I needed someone to support me not chastise me when I get in a funk. The next day, he did ask me if I was feeling okay, but sometimes I just do not understand him. It makes me want to scream.

[dbc1951]

you have one life to live. if you can't figure out a way to be happy you will only have yourself to blame.

Isn't that a bit harsh?

[Caliope]

dbc1951 - I think you took that a little out of context as my intent was not to be harsh but to be realistic. the truth is where happiness lies.

This is my opinion - we all make choices and they either lead to pain or happiness. i believe we owe it to ourselves to be honest - look at our own best interests (in the big picture) and to make the choice that will lead to happiness. this does not mean that we are free to hurt others but if we expect others to change so that we can be happy we are fooling ourselves.

I can't expect someone else to make me happy I have to do that myself. I can't blame anyone for my unhappiness either. The truth is exposed when we take out all of the expectations that are unrealistic and look at what is real instead of what we believe will happen.

[Dolce]

Hey. I was recently raped and contracted herpes. I cant explain all the pain I have been goign through. My worst fear in life was never to be in love or raise a family. Now i acually have a reason to fear that. How did u tell them? where u scared what they wee going to say? Where u able to be intamate with them with out them getting herpes?

[dbc1951]

dbc1951 - I think you took that a little out of context as my intent was not to be harsh but to be realistic. the truth is where happiness lies.

This is my opinion - we all make choices and they either lead to pain or happiness. i believe we owe it to ourselves to be honest - look at our own best interests (in the big picture) and to make the choice that will lead to happiness. this does not mean that we are free to hurt others but if we expect others to change so that we can be happy we are fooling ourselves.

I can't expect someone else to make me happy I have to do that myself. I can't blame anyone for my unhappiness either. The truth is exposed when we take out all of the expectations that are unrealistic and look at what is real instead of what we believe will happen.

If you wanted that original statement to definitely mean that we cannot depend on others to think and act in specific ways than I can agree with that.

I'm a little more comfortable not using absolutes as much. Everyone needs to be responsible for themselves but some are often blindsided by different factors and might need help to reach a safe place. Thank God for my family after I was diagnosed and even more so when I began to consider a divorce.

Happiness is a tricky thing. We have to decide what we want but we also have to have some company along the way. No one should be alone.

[Caliope]

It would be wonderful if we all had someone to support and help us along the way. It's difficult when our beloved isn't that someone. It's even harder when our beloved is the source of our pain.

We deserve respect and understanding and I wish that more of us had that experience.

I've had to live my life without the support of a family and finally decided that I must just take that leap of faith and be true to myself. I have had huge trials and tribulations and am still alone, for the most part, but I have now found a way to be happy, truly happy. I know that it isn't easy but it is possible. I firmly believe that dreams can come true.

[itsmylifenow]

Caliope

Be my friend. I like reading your posts because after two years, I came back to this site. Its still growing and still inviting positive people like you to influence others lives. The ones who are unhappy and the ones who aren't looking for a brighter day.

You are right. If we let it bring us down to the point where we feel there is no happiness. Then that's our life and that's how we choose for it to be.

I love my life. Herpes just made me visualize life different. I continue to grow and love myself even more than I ever have before.

If you have IM yahoo. would you add me as a friend plz

Chao

[dbc1951]

It would be wonderful if we all had someone to support and help us along the way. It's difficult when our beloved isn't that someone. It's even harder when our beloved is the source of our pain.

We deserve respect and understanding and I wish that more of us had that experience.

I've had to live my life without the support of a family and finally decided that I must just take that leap of faith and be true to myself. I have had huge trials and tribulations and am still alone, for the most part, but I have now found a way to be happy, truly happy. I know that it isn't easy but it is possible. I firmly believe that dreams can come true.

People, and that means BOTH sexes, appear to have a limitless capacity to wound. Why that is I only wish that I knew. It doesn’t take that much effort to be civil to one another.

My ex was the only long term relationship that I’ve ever had. That’s probably why it hurt so badly. I suppose the fact that I spent a great deal of time getting her and her children over here from another country played a part in that. What really sucked was contracting hsv 27 days after marriage. You can eventually get past the discomfort but it is impossible to ignore the lack of honesty and simple decency. She had it, she knew she had it, and she didn’t tell me. How do I know? She told me.

I had had some notions of finding someone else but it hasn’t worked out at all. The woman in Germany was very interested until we had the talk. Afterwards……not so much. Online sites are utterly worthless because the people on them aren’t real or interested in thinking outside of the box. God forbid someone should live more than 50 miles away. It just isn’t worth the stress and the hassle of putting up with people who are shallower than my bathtub.

This is all the more difficult to deal with because I am away from home and, sad to say, my mother may not have much more time. She’s had a good long life but I wish it were easier for her now. I also wish I could have given her a daughter-in-law she could respect and grandchildren but that is not going to happen. That’s the saddest part of all because, despite all of the adversity, I still KNOW I’m worth the effort for someone to search me out. Still, being on my own is better than trying to survive a relationship with someone who cares more for your bank account than you.

I know things will be better in the morning because they always are. Right at the moment they pretty much blow chunks.

[tohealth]

Hey. I was recently raped and contracted herpes. I cant explain all the pain I have been goign through. My worst fear in life was never to be in love or raise a family. Now i acually have a reason to fear that. How did u tell them? where u scared what they wee going to say? Where u able to be intamate with them with out them getting herpes?

Dolce, you aren't the only one. For me, I was never a casual sex haver so anybody I'm being intimate with physically, is already somebody I've become intimate with mentally, etc. Bottom line is that if anybody in the world holds against me what somebody did to me, its no different from blaming me for my eye color. I didn't pick either one. And also, when you think about HSV in the context of the whole life game, lord, this is really not worth the preoccupation that you give it---yes, you do things differently, but it is still a comma and not a period. There is so much other stuff to worry about in life, that it takes its rightful place over time in the small and manageable problem category.