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help/advice would be greatly appreciated


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Ok here's my situation: I have HSV1 only ORAL( I haven't been tested or anything but I'm pretty sure its 1 since I never kiss or have sex with anyone) and I just started going out with this girl I've been talking to for a long time.

She doesn't know.

I haven't had an OB in almost 1 year but the thought of herpes never leaves my mind. We have popped kissed a good amount and made out only a couple times because naturally I am feeling guilty/cautious because I love her and don't want her to have it.

Now I'm facing what I've always dreaded. I've really wanted to tell her but you how hard it is. If she has had a normal cold sore like the one(s) you commonly see, is she immune?

Does making out pose any major threat if I'm not in an OB phrase?

Does pop kissing pose any major threat if I'm not in an OB phase?

It seems like I'm just trying to avoid the talk. Or am i overreacting?

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so I guess you may have gotten this from a family member as a youngster? it would be impossible to know which strain it is without testing.

As far as the conversation I'd just ask her if she's ever had a cold sore and take it from there - nothing to scary or complicated. It is just a friendly fact finding conversation.

Communication is key to any good relationship. Lying or not disclosing important information can kill a relationship in lightening speed. While you are still young it would be good to get in the habit of expecting mutual honesty in all of your relationships not only from yourself but anyone worthy of spending time with. I consider it respect and it goes both ways.

The truth is that ob or no ob it is impossible to know when you are contagious. You can take daily antiviral suppressive therapy and it can reduce ob's and reduce the chance of spreading it. Since summer is coming you should know that sunshine is known to cause ob's. I'd invest in a good lip balm that has sunscreen and apply it often if you'll be enjoying the summer weather.

If you end up not talking to her the sunshine could cause an ob and then you'll be stuck explaining it to her and that would be a drag. It's better to do it sooner and it could help the two of you bond.

And she might get them too and be totally understanding and supportive - how can you know if you don't go there?

good luck.

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well i don't know about that thing you have but it sounds pretty serious. you must tell her about your situation, if you really love her, that's the best you can do you'll see that she could help you

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  • 2 weeks later...

yeah, just say, hey by the way, I do get cold sores. Not much, not often, but it happens. The majority of people in the U.S have HSV1. They just doctor it up with a pretty packaged label "cold sores". The key thing is no smooching when a sore is present or if you FEEL as if one might be turning up. (the tingling or itchy sensation) . Then do hugs and no kisses. But otherwise, honestly, it is pretty easy to keep an eye on oral hsv and know when you are having or about to have an outbreak, thus abstain. Wish it were so simple with genital herpes!!! (especially hard for us ladies to know for sure, since, well, our plumbing works a bit different then you lads!)

As mentioned by others, be sure to use nice lip balms and keep the lips mosturized and protected from the sun. This can help PREVENT and outbreak.

Good luck and go kiss ahoy. Tell her...I am willing to be she gets cold sores too!

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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