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my first boyfriend i have to tell about my HPV

miss__s

By miss__s
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miss__s Honeycomb Member

miss__s

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hi everyone i am really nervous ... about all of this i am in a recent relationship with a new guy... just today... he already says that he is afraid of commitment so if he doesnt handle this well i am totally ready...

i am 20 years old and i got herpes from the guy before that i was seeing and who i thought i could trust...

and i just wanted some advice on who to bring this up to him im thinking this friday down on the water front over coffee on a secluded bench...

i have made some points gathered from site and these forums to make it easier for me to communicate it with him... i will start off with telling him straight up "i have something important to tell you... i have genital herpes" i dont want to beataround the bush

anyways here are the rest of the points that i would like to make depending on his response and how he handles it... i would like to tell him just to listen to and try not to interrupt but sometimes that is hard..

this is my first boyfriend i will be telling and my first young guy i am dating (just a little note, i used to be a stripper and when i was dancing other girls were saying i had herpes, hep c, and hiv even tho i didnt ..and now the irony of it all.. i have herpes when i am not dancing and got it from someone i thought i could trust)

-----> here are the points---->

I have to tell you something important….

I have genital herpes

Its very common 1:5 people have it

I have a friend who has herpes and her b/f and her have been in a relationship for almost a year now

I got this from the guy I was getting to know before you (Mr Sexy) Someone I trusted

This is a manageable skin disease

I was in a relationship with a guy for a year with herpes and I did not get it until now (with someone that I didn’t know half as well)

The irony of this all is that people were saying I had herpes, hep c, hiv when I was dancing at the studio but I was clean and the test before I got the news was on march 15, 2006

I can gather some information for you or you can call your doctor So you can understand it and be as educated as i am... the guy i dated for a year didnt offer me this and now that i have to go thru with all this...and i think it would be best for you....

I can understand you might also be really angry and upset and may not even want to talk to me but try to understand

Herpes cannot pass through a condom—It is spread through skin to skin contact and

Some people get sores on their genitals occasionally, but many others get symptoms so mild they don't even notice them.

any other suggestions?? deletions? add ons??

im really worried :(

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miss__s Honeycomb Member

miss__s

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This is what i also added so far

This is a manageable skin disease and women get it more often than men do b/c it is easier to bread in moist, warm places like the vagina

I can understand you might also be really angry and upset and may not even want to talk to me but try to understand

Herpes cannot pass through a condom—It is spread through skin to skin contact and any direct contact with a herpes infection (like touching infected/actively infected areas)

Some people get sores on their genitals occasionally, but many others get symptoms so mild they don't even notice them.

It can also be spread w/o symptoms or someone knowing they have it… I have it and I am letting you know

Many couples have had sexual relations for years without transmitting herpes. Some simply avoid having sexual contact when signs or symptoms are present, while others use condoms or other protection between outbreaks to help protect against asymptomatic shedding.

That is what I know about the virus

I can gather some information for you or you can call your doctor So you can understand it and be as educated as i am... the guy i dated for a year didnt offer me this and now that i have to go thru with all this...and i think it would be best for you....

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Shayna Platinum Support Member

Shayna

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I think you are on the right track. Telling him is so important! good for you for caring enough and having the integrity to tell him! However, I think it's important to point out a few more facts like: Herpes is contagious, A condom can reduce the risk but does not always prevent transmition, There is no cure for herpes, it is a life long virus.

I don't mean to sound negative, But it's important to show the pros and cons to having an intimate relationship with someone who has H. They need to be able to make an educated decission. I really like your idea of seeing a doctor together, brilliant!

I'm sure some others here will add more things to your list as well. Maybe you can wait and read a bit more information so you have good solid advice.

Also, to the right of this site page there is a column with some good catagories of advice listed. You may want to read some. One topic is "how do I tell someone" or something to that effect. Take a look because it mentions some good points that can help you with how you tell someone. example: How confident and secure you are in your delivery can determine how the other will respond. It can also help with some issues to discuss.

I think brushing up on some more facts will help you feel more secure in your knowledge and delivery.

Good Luck! ;)

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Caliope Platinum Support Member

Caliope

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I like that you put the list together and I agree with Shayna that there are the important points that should be made but personally I think I'd stick to a few very brief points for the first talk but keep the others with you should you be able to elaborate.

Most people are so totally shocked when they hear about hsv that they can't think past the initial comment. The brain starts whirling and their ears kinda plug up. (remember when you got your diagnosis? those sentences just replay in your mind like some awful music from a horror flick)

I'd throw out something like:

Before our relationship goes to far or gets serious I wanted to discuss something with you that is important.

I have been diagnosed with genital herpes. Pause and see if he asks any questions and go from there.

It's better to move on to facts and not the details of how you got it and most people don't want to hear about the other partners.

Just my opinion.

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Nicolee Newbie

Nicolee

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Correction: It's HSV (herpes HSV 1 and 2) Not HPV which is the Human Papilloma Virus (Gential Warts and strands alike.) They are both viruses but very different.

Good luck with one of the hardest topics to discuss! You can do it!

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miss__s Honeycomb Member

miss__s

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ya.. im going to my doctor tomorrow to see if there's anything i need to tell him and what not in the morning and we are getting together in the evening..

and the points are just there so that i can make reference to them and dont have to remember them and get confused or jumble up all the points i want to make ... make it easier for me to communicate..i prolly wont list them all but if he does have any questions or wants me to explain anything then it will be easier to be less confused ...

thanx guys :)

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