Jump to content

my first boyfriend i have to tell about my HPV


Recommended Posts

hi everyone i am really nervous ... about all of this i am in a recent relationship with a new guy... just today... he already says that he is afraid of commitment so if he doesnt handle this well i am totally ready...

i am 20 years old and i got herpes from the guy before that i was seeing and who i thought i could trust...

and i just wanted some advice on who to bring this up to him im thinking this friday down on the water front over coffee on a secluded bench...

i have made some points gathered from site and these forums to make it easier for me to communicate it with him... i will start off with telling him straight up "i have something important to tell you... i have genital herpes" i dont want to beataround the bush

anyways here are the rest of the points that i would like to make depending on his response and how he handles it... i would like to tell him just to listen to and try not to interrupt but sometimes that is hard..

this is my first boyfriend i will be telling and my first young guy i am dating (just a little note, i used to be a stripper and when i was dancing other girls were saying i had herpes, hep c, and hiv even tho i didnt ..and now the irony of it all.. i have herpes when i am not dancing and got it from someone i thought i could trust)

-----> here are the points---->

I have to tell you something important….

I have genital herpes

Its very common 1:5 people have it

I have a friend who has herpes and her b/f and her have been in a relationship for almost a year now

I got this from the guy I was getting to know before you (Mr Sexy) Someone I trusted

This is a manageable skin disease

I was in a relationship with a guy for a year with herpes and I did not get it until now (with someone that I didn’t know half as well)

The irony of this all is that people were saying I had herpes, hep c, hiv when I was dancing at the studio but I was clean and the test before I got the news was on march 15, 2006

I can gather some information for you or you can call your doctor So you can understand it and be as educated as i am... the guy i dated for a year didnt offer me this and now that i have to go thru with all this...and i think it would be best for you....

I can understand you might also be really angry and upset and may not even want to talk to me but try to understand

Herpes cannot pass through a condom—It is spread through skin to skin contact and

Some people get sores on their genitals occasionally, but many others get symptoms so mild they don't even notice them.

any other suggestions?? deletions? add ons??

im really worried :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is what i also added so far

This is a manageable skin disease and women get it more often than men do b/c it is easier to bread in moist, warm places like the vagina

I can understand you might also be really angry and upset and may not even want to talk to me but try to understand

Herpes cannot pass through a condom—It is spread through skin to skin contact and any direct contact with a herpes infection (like touching infected/actively infected areas)

Some people get sores on their genitals occasionally, but many others get symptoms so mild they don't even notice them.

It can also be spread w/o symptoms or someone knowing they have it… I have it and I am letting you know

Many couples have had sexual relations for years without transmitting herpes. Some simply avoid having sexual contact when signs or symptoms are present, while others use condoms or other protection between outbreaks to help protect against asymptomatic shedding.

That is what I know about the virus

I can gather some information for you or you can call your doctor So you can understand it and be as educated as i am... the guy i dated for a year didnt offer me this and now that i have to go thru with all this...and i think it would be best for you....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you are on the right track. Telling him is so important! good for you for caring enough and having the integrity to tell him! However, I think it's important to point out a few more facts like: Herpes is contagious, A condom can reduce the risk but does not always prevent transmition, There is no cure for herpes, it is a life long virus.

I don't mean to sound negative, But it's important to show the pros and cons to having an intimate relationship with someone who has H. They need to be able to make an educated decission. I really like your idea of seeing a doctor together, brilliant!

I'm sure some others here will add more things to your list as well. Maybe you can wait and read a bit more information so you have good solid advice.

Also, to the right of this site page there is a column with some good catagories of advice listed. You may want to read some. One topic is "how do I tell someone" or something to that effect. Take a look because it mentions some good points that can help you with how you tell someone. example: How confident and secure you are in your delivery can determine how the other will respond. It can also help with some issues to discuss.

I think brushing up on some more facts will help you feel more secure in your knowledge and delivery.

Good Luck! ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like that you put the list together and I agree with Shayna that there are the important points that should be made but personally I think I'd stick to a few very brief points for the first talk but keep the others with you should you be able to elaborate.

Most people are so totally shocked when they hear about hsv that they can't think past the initial comment. The brain starts whirling and their ears kinda plug up. (remember when you got your diagnosis? those sentences just replay in your mind like some awful music from a horror flick)

I'd throw out something like:

Before our relationship goes to far or gets serious I wanted to discuss something with you that is important.

I have been diagnosed with genital herpes. Pause and see if he asks any questions and go from there.

It's better to move on to facts and not the details of how you got it and most people don't want to hear about the other partners.

Just my opinion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Correction: It's HSV (herpes HSV 1 and 2) Not HPV which is the Human Papilloma Virus (Gential Warts and strands alike.) They are both viruses but very different.

Good luck with one of the hardest topics to discuss! You can do it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ya.. im going to my doctor tomorrow to see if there's anything i need to tell him and what not in the morning and we are getting together in the evening..

and the points are just there so that i can make reference to them and dont have to remember them and get confused or jumble up all the points i want to make ... make it easier for me to communicate..i prolly wont list them all but if he does have any questions or wants me to explain anything then it will be easier to be less confused ...

thanx guys :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Posts

    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.