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ArmyStrong18

My life SUCKS . . .

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ArmyStrong18

Last night I was hanging with this dude I met earlier this week. We were supposed to go to the movies , but it was too late when we decided to meet up. Anyways , so we were just hanging around in his house and we had a couple of drinks. (How most mistakes happen lol) And he asked me to stay the night with him and I said yea. I really wasn't thinking about sex at all. I know how a teenage boy mind works so I knew that's all he was thinking about. I just didn't want to go home though. So long story short, he ended up performing oral on me , even though I continuously said no . And in ways I can't really remember he actually got it in . When he started to . . . you know . . . I just started crying . I was crying because of what he did and I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to have sex because I have genital freakin herpes. I just couldn't bring myself to say it. I don't think I'm wrong to not tell him because I do feel like he took advantage of me because I said no repeatedly. I just really hope he doesn't contract it. I'm freaking out because he didn't even attempt to put a condom on and what if he has something ?! I did not want to have sex at all and I just feel like I shouldn't have to tell everyone I just meet about my condition because I'm not having sex with everybody I just meet . I feel like he knew what he was doing when he kept passing me drinks . I feel dumb because I kept taking them. I don't think I lead him on because I did continuously say "let's not have sex" . Advice anyone ?

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Catarina713

I am sorry to hear about what u hav been through. It sounds like he def took advantage of u, but it still is not good to wish herpes on him. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It isn't ur fault this happened,just b more careful drinking around someone u don't no.

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WilsoInAus

I am a guy and I firmly support you and your actions. First, you did not have an intention to have sex so there is hence no requirement to disclose. I do however agree with the above response that extending your intellect into situations like this is something you should reflect on. Drinking and staying over is not entirely consistent with your intention of no sex. Nevertheless, no is no and his actions are very inappropriate and sailing close to the wind.

Second, he is as accountable for his own actions as you. He stretched your intent and he never questioned you about STDs nor disclosed his own. Responsibility for the outcomes are entirely his. He did engage in a low risk activity being oral sex. He may even already have oral HSV-1.

Your actions now are important. What do you plan to tell him?

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PenGirl

Dear ArmyStrong,

Please call your local rape crisis line. From what you've written here, it sounds like this guy raped you. You're feeling badly because you didn't tell him you have H when he entered you without a condom while you were saying no and crying? Please Army, you did nothing wrong there. It's not your job to disclose to someone who's taking you against your will. You were trying to keep him off you. But please get yourself checked out for all STDs. I'm so sorry he did that to you. PM me if you'd like.

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bama2013

I agree with Pengirl. I have been in that same exact situation, but before I had H. Anyways, you need to tell someone. I did not get help for a year and a half and it messed me up bad. I am so sorry he did this, but that is rape. It is absolutely not your fault!! If he is willing to rape you I would also not trust him enough to tell him you have herpes.

I wish you the best!

Message me if you would like!

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ArmyStrong18

Thanks for your input but I never wished herpes on him and I never will . I don't care what anyone does to me , I still wouldn't wish this on them .

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ArmyStrong18

Thanks , and I dont think I was being responsible at all. He texted me the other day saying sorry and he hope it doesn't happen that way next time , which I'm guessing he still wants to have sex with me . But that was a couple of days ago & I have yet to hear from him . I'm so scared to say anything about it . I just hope he doesn't catch it , I'll be more than happy to stay out of the picture , but if he does , I don't know , I guess I'll just take the responsibility of my actions .

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ArmyStrong18

Thanks , but I dont know if it was rape , maybe I did lead him on by staying with him , I don't really know . I just want to get past this .

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ArmyStrong18

Thanks , and I really don't trust him to tell him . Like , what if he gets mad ? His sister and cousins went to my school . Everybody would find out . But if he catches it I would admit it to him .

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PenGirl

Hey Army,

I used to be a rape crisis counselor and also worked on a rape crisis line, and I'm here to tell you that we got lots of calls from people who were and weren't raped, lots of people who had a confusing experience and wanted to talk it out with someone. It's anonymous. Just letting you know you can count on a rape crisis line--or any general crisis line, really--to hear you out and help you sort through it. Best of luck to you. I still feel like you don't need to tell him about your H status.

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ArmyStrong18

I think emotionally and mentally I'm gonna be ok . And I'm only going to tell him if he asks , because I'm probably not the first girl he tried to have sex with on the first 'date' . & I think he should've learned a lesson about unprotected sex because he's 19 with 2 kids . I'm my opinion he still doesn't deserve herpes but I guess everything happens for a reason .

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Catarina713

Good luck with everything. As u go through difficult things in life all u can do is try n learn from it.n hopefully hav it make u stronger.i wish u the best in going forward from here.

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